Re: Fiancées tattoo.
I too have been a man who won't have a "serious" relationship with a women with tattoos. It was a rulebreaker for me as well. I can admire the art and such when its done well, but not the future mother of my future children. Almost 6 years ago, I meet my wife and she came with tattoos on her arms and legs - not covered to look like sleaves and pants. When we got serious, I had to ignore them. But for the most part - her future tattoo days are over, except for one on the leg to complete "the set". Many of her friends have tats, many of my friends have tats, as do some of my favorite actors, musicians, etc. So since we've been together, had a child and going through ups and major downs, I do not really think anything of her tats usually. Not even when we're having sex. At most, when she's wearing a nice dress and tats kind of detract from the overall look.
I'm from the infidelity side of TAM, but your post showed up on the side. You have gotten some good advice from some of the users here (we may not ALL agree on things, doesn't mean respect is not given) Truthseeker1 & NoChoice are at least two posters I've seen given great advice to others, as well as to me. I tell you this for a reason.
She had cheated on me and broke up our family with a youngster with lots of tattoos. Tats didn't make him a jerk, but its part of his appeal. Anyways, she wanted to know if we could work things out almost two months ago. I had be learning to cope and how to deal with my "controlling" co-dependency behaviors. (Whatever I did, was no excuse for her actions, thou). But what I was learning about myself was being controlling towards my wife in unhealthy ways - this was BEFORE she called me about "working things out".
It was a Wed night when we spent 5 hours talking. She asked me for a ride to get tattoos that Friday as it was originally supposed to be her "affair partner". I said yes and she canceled him out the next day.
Come Friday morning, we were chatting over the phone and she asks "would you get a tattoo?". I laugh, and quickly response "I had already decided to get one very early that morning anyway" (think 3am).
Its 9pm that Friday night date, we're outside the tat shop talking on a bench as we wait. I told her it was wrong for me to be imposing my rules on her that way after all these years. She talked and showed me many other tattoos she was planning on getting since we "broke up" since she was free of me. I made comments on what I thought was good, even made suggestions of using one pattern with the color of another, which we both agreed would look even better. She brings up getting a chest tat which would cover half of her breasts which I was upfront "NOT GOOD WITH". We talked about it, compromised that made us both happy. Her neck and frontal body will be clear. She got hers, then I got my very first tat - that matched hers by style and location. She got her 2nd one that night with artwork we both did years before. And I said "I'll get a second one too". It was art I choose which meant something to me, spur of the moment. First one hurt, because of the location. We were both laughing as I got my first tattoos in my 46 years of life. We were not drinking or drugs, just so you know.
I tell you this because people change. I wouldn't have dated a woman with a tat in my 20s. In my 30s, didn't matter with NSA sex.
With that said, I support your stance that SHE respects the agreement the both of your HAD when you first dated. She is doing it out of peer pressure and the fact you had to back down on other things seems very disrespectful and immature to you as her future life partner.
Her FRIEND should support HER agreement she made with you. Why the hell should she ask your fiancée to put on a tattoo about her dad? Her friend is selfish. Your fiancée can lose face with you or her employees and friends. Her simple out is “well guys, I was drunk and forgot that Andy and I agreed to being tat free”.
Seems like you’ll always be an enemy to her friend – these things happen.
So let her get that foolish tat, and every time she looks at it, she’ll remember what it costs her.
Seems there are other problems than just this one thing. Seems like you already decided to place on hold or cancel the wedding. You need to hold her to her word. This is about respecting each other.