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post #76 of 1215 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 11:33 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

If you think she's breaking agreements now, wait until you get married and she knows if you divorce that she'll get half your retirement, child support for any kids you have together, alimony, half the equity in everything you own, etc.
If her friends are any reflection of her, and I believe they ARE, then you really need to reconsider. Anybody that would jump on a friends fiancé and tell him it's her body and she can do what she wants-- they're spoiled, immature, irresponsible, loud mouthed, self- centered nitwits. They have no idea how a relationship is about communicating and sticking to agreements and solving problems and disagreements in private. They likely don't have stable relationships themselves and never have.
And these are the exact kinds of friends that contribute to strife in other people's relationships. This is the problem you're seeing, and this is the kind of problem that will get worse.

I'll bet if you wanted to change something about your appearance or do something contrary to an important agreement that she stressed was important to HER, these same "friends" would be at your throat, telling you what a jerk you were.
Not good signs for the future.
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post #77 of 1215 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 11:38 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
If her friends are any reflection of her, and I believe they ARE, then you really need to reconsider. Anybody that would jump on a friends fiancé and tell him it's her body and she can do what she wants-- they're spoiled, immature, irresponsible, loud mouthed, self- centered nitwits.
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This! A persons friends are a reflection of them - if they surround themselves with losers that should give a future partner pause...for example if you know your partner is palling around with cheaters wouldn't that give you some hesitation to be in a relationship with them?

Like I've said earlier dont break up necessarily but you do need to PAUSE and rethink the whole thing...

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #78 of 1215 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 11:42 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Oh good lord, the yarn spinning is hilarious. He isn't imposing his rules, will or anything on this woman. He doesn't like Tattoos. No, it doesn't matter if he doesn't own her body, if you feel he will change blah blah blah blah blah. SHE CHOSE TO STAY after the boundary, rule or whatever word you choose to employ to minimize his feelings was set and she agreed.

Imposing his rules on her? LOL no. No offense to OP, but how ridiculous is she if she stayed with a man KNOWING he wouldn't marry her over a tattoo?
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post #79 of 1215 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 11:54 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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Oh good lord, the yarn spinning is hilarious. He isn't imposing his rules, will or anything on this woman. He doesn't like Tattoos. No, it doesn't matter if he doesn't own her body, if you feel he will change blah blah blah blah blah. SHE CHOSE TO STAY after the boundary, rule or whatever word you choose to employ to minimize his feelings was set and she agreed.

Imposing his rules on her? LOL no. No offense to OP, but how ridiculous is she if she stayed with a man KNOWING he wouldn't marry her over a tattoo?
Didnt she say if he ever brought up raising another mans child that was a deal breaker for her? Isnt that controlling what he says???? I'm sure she has her own set of "rules"..

Thats another thing..your fiance should be GRATEFUL that another man is stepping up to help raise her kid....btw where is the father of her child? does he pay support? see the kid?

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #80 of 1215 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 12:58 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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Didnt she say if he ever brought up raising another mans child that was a deal breaker for her? Isnt that controlling what he says???? I'm sure she has her own set of "rules"..

Thats another thing..your fiance should be GRATEFUL that another man is stepping up to help raise her kid....btw where is the father of her child? does he pay support? see the kid?
The kids father has never seen him,he did a runner while she was pregnant.He worked with her as a gym instructor or whatever you would call it.Im beginning to think some of her friends have realised that they pushed me too far,two of them have apologised by email and one of them wants to meet me at lunchtime.But I am grateful to all the people on this platform who have given me advice either good or bad,it was great to finally tell my side of the story without being screamed at by some idiot girlfriends of my (for now)fiancée.
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post #81 of 1215 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 01:28 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

OP keep us updated all the way whatever you decide... I'm Certainly pulling for you buddy...
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post #82 of 1215 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 03:00 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

OP,
One final thought that I would have you consider. Marriage vows are nothing more than a boundary or rule to follow and can be just as easily broken. It is, after all, her body and she is free to change her mind about her vows and give it to whomever she likes, whenever she likes. This mindset has no place in a committed, mature relationship.

You should seek out a life partner that would rather lose every "friend" she has rather than to hurt you. This is what dating is for, to weed out incompatibility issues before marriage. It would be foolhardy to ignore them.

Peace and long life
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post #83 of 1215 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 03:45 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Also, for someone who "never wanted" a tattoo and "doesn't want the tattoo" she is now committed to having. That seems rather STUPID. I mean, its a good prank to pull - but that is not what happened.

BTW, friends like that, are willing to cover a cheater, or cheat themselves. "Life is short, have an Affair!" website and some mags make it seem like its a "hip thing" to do or some nonsense. Reality is, for the betrayed person, its worse than rape.

Your "fiancee" and her girlfriend can get matching tats and marry each other.

Sorry if that seems "mean", but that is what runs through my mind if that happened to me.
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post #84 of 1215 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 04:29 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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What are "all the other things that you backed down on" that made you now feel like a fool?

This is starting to reveal a pervasive pattern in her personality.

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I was buying a new car and it was an estate(station wagon) model but she insisted on me getting a sporty model instead.A couple of months later she said I was crazy to buy it.She asked me once did I think a buzz cut would suit her and I said no,she got one anyway and even though I thought it looked great she cried her eyes out and told her friends that I convinced her to get it and like a fool I went along with it.

Last edited by Andy1001; 06-30-2016 at 04:29 AM. Reason: Mis spelling
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post #85 of 1215 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 04:32 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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I was buying a new car and it was an estate(station wagon) model but she insisted on me getting a sporty model instead.A couple of months later she said I was crazy to buy it.She asked me once did I think a buzz cut would suit her and I said no,she got one anyway and even though I thought it looked great she cried her eyes out and told her friends that I convinced her to get it and like a fool I went along with it.
Is this how you plan to spend your life?

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post #86 of 1215 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 04:40 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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Is this how you plan to spend your life?
I am meeting her friend at lunchtime but I know my fiancée is going to show up.I am 90% certain that I am breaking up with her.It is only reading back on these posts and remembering numerous other examples of her egomania that I realise I come across as a right wimp and need to make drastic changes to my life.I am at the very least postponing the wedding and have already contacted the hotel where the reception was being held.I will lose the deposit I have paid but it's cheaper than a divorce.
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post #87 of 1215 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 04:46 AM
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Fiancées tattoo.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
I was buying a new car and it was an estate(station wagon) model but she insisted on me getting a sporty model instead.A couple of months later she said I was crazy to buy it.She asked me once did I think a buzz cut would suit her and I said no,she got one anyway and even though I thought it looked great she cried her eyes out and told her friends that I convinced her to get it and like a fool I went along with it.


This shows what the next twenty thirty years are going to be.
You want someone who will support you, champion for you, have your back and respect your beliefs and opinions.

I do wish you luck and keep us updated.


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post #88 of 1215 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 06:59 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

As someone who was married to someone like this.. It doesn't get better. It gets worse. It's very nice for them to have someone to throw to the wolves every time something goes wrong.. And it sounds like she will. Her family, who is already getting involved, will turn on you should you ever stand up for yourself.. It was bad. I was blamed for fights my ex had with members of his family, AND I WASN'T EVEN THERE. That's how bad it got..

I would think long and hard about it.. And honestly, it's not about the tattoo.. I just got my first tattoo at almost 42.. I was not pro tattoo either.. But mine is personally meaningful, and even covered by a bathing suit, if I so desire... I can understand your aversion. My father absolutely HATES them..

I'm more concerned about the "teaching a lesson" as well.. She should have had your back in that situation. And did not.. And blaming you for a bad haircut? That's just insane...
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post #89 of 1215 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 07:04 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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I am meeting her friend at lunchtime but I know my fiancée is going to show up.I am 90% certain that I am breaking up with her.It is only reading back on these posts and remembering numerous other examples of her egomania that I realise I come across as a right wimp and need to make drastic changes to my life.I am at the very least postponing the wedding and have already contacted the hotel where the reception was being held.I will lose the deposit I have paid but it's cheaper than a divorce.
To many of us the thought of breaking off the marriage over a tattoo seems very odd, despite the negotiated agreement. But your mention of "numerous other examples" add sufficient backstory to support your decision.

Consider IC as to why you pick women that make you into a wimp.

BTW, I feel sorry for the little boy.
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post #90 of 1215 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 07:28 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
If you think she's breaking agreements now, wait until you get married and she knows if you divorce that she'll get half your retirement, child support for any kids you have together, alimony, half the equity in everything you own, etc.
If her friends are any reflection of her, and I believe they ARE, then you really need to reconsider. Anybody that would jump on a friends fiancé and tell him it's her body and she can do what she wants-- they're spoiled, immature, irresponsible, loud mouthed, self- centered nitwits. They have no idea how a relationship is about communicating and sticking to agreements and solving problems and disagreements in private. They likely don't have stable relationships themselves and never have.
And these are the exact kinds of friends that contribute to strife in other people's relationships. This is the problem you're seeing, and this is the kind of problem that will get worse.

I'll bet if you wanted to change something about your appearance or do something contrary to an important agreement that she stressed was important to HER, these same "friends" would be at your throat, telling you what a jerk you were.
Not good signs for the future.
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This! OP....when a person shows you who they are, believe them.
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