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post #91 of 979 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 08:50 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

@Andy1001 - good luck at lunch today!

This whole thing is bizarre. As you said, she doesn't even really want the tattoo, yet she is willing to jeopardize your relationship to get something she doesn't want, honoring someone who maybe meant very little to her (?), all to make the crowd happy.

Add in her Dad's response, which has to lead you to believe that every time you and your fiancee have a disagreement Daddy is going to get involved to try and fix things.

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post #92 of 979 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 09:14 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

This is the ultimate of sh*t tests.

Do not fail!

She also doesn't sound like marriage material.
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post #93 of 979 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 09:24 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
I am meeting her friend at lunchtime but I know my fiancée is going to show up.I am 90% certain that I am breaking up with her.It is only reading back on these posts and remembering numerous other examples of her egomania that I realise I come across as a right wimp and need to make drastic changes to my life.I am at the very least postponing the wedding and have already contacted the hotel where the reception was being held.I will lose the deposit I have paid but it's cheaper than a divorce.
Good luck - I'd suggest starting with an IC and a gym membership and work from there. You dont need to settle for this bullsh!t...

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post #94 of 979 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 09:24 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Tell her that you're going to get a tattoo memorializing your decision to raise another man's child.

Be ready to take pictures. The look on her face should be priceless.
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Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #95 of 979 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 09:25 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
The kids father has never seen him,he did a runner while she was pregnant.He worked with her as a gym instructor or whatever you would call it.
She should have been grateful you were willing to take this on - many young men would run for the hills..and I dont blame them.

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post #96 of 979 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 09:43 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Both of my sisters are on their second marriages. Both had kids from the first marriages. One was ready (both times), the other was not (both times). I still maintain that I truly do not think she was ready to marry either time, though she will celebrate her second anniversary in a couple months. Both of the new husbands willingly, and even enthusiastically, took on the position of step-dad.

So what's my point? Yes, Andy's fiancée has done a lot that has been detrimental to their relationship. However, I have a huge problem with anyone saying she should be grateful that he was willing to take on her and her son. The child should not be a pawn, and that's what such comments reduce him to. Andy has stated that he loves the boy, and would never make a comment about raising another man's child. I don't think it's fair to him, nor to the child, to make comments to that effect. How about we stick to the relevant issues... her disrespect... and leave the child out of the discussion.

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post #97 of 979 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 10:19 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
I am meeting her friend at lunchtime but I know my fiancée is going to show up.I am 90% certain that I am breaking up with her.It is only reading back on these posts and remembering numerous other examples of her egomania that I realise I come across as a right wimp and need to make drastic changes to my life.I am at the very least postponing the wedding and have already contacted the hotel where the reception was being held.I will lose the deposit I have paid but it's cheaper than a divorce.
At this point, based on all you have told, skip the GF meeting. The tattoo fight is a just a symptom of your failing relationship.

You and fiancee needs to sit down in a non public place and discuss your future together, or lack thereof.
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post #98 of 979 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 10:26 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Been there, OP. It sounds like she's one of those girls who's personality is an amalgamation of whatever toxic 'friends' opinions she's been misguided by lately. A tattoo for a friends Dad? WTF?

She's got to be well into her 20's. She won't grow up any time soon. I'd bail regardless.
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post #99 of 979 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 10:30 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
I was buying a new car and it was an estate(station wagon) model but she insisted on me getting a sporty model instead.A couple of months later she said I was crazy to buy it.She asked me once did I think a buzz cut would suit her and I said no,she got one anyway and even though I thought it looked great she cried her eyes out and told her friends that I convinced her to get it and like a fool I went along with it.
Holy gaslighting batman.

Run Andy, run. This woman is manipulative and will twist your brain and ruin your life. Pull your balls back out of her purse, and move on.
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post #100 of 979 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 10:37 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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Originally Posted by Maricha75 View Post
Both of my sisters are on their second marriages. Both had kids from the first marriages. One was ready (both times), the other was not (both times). I still maintain that I truly do not think she was ready to marry either time, though she will celebrate her second anniversary in a couple months. Both of the new husbands willingly, and even enthusiastically, took on the position of step-dad.

So what's my point? Yes, Andy's fiancée has done a lot that has been detrimental to their relationship. However, I have a huge problem with anyone saying she should be grateful that he was willing to take on her and her son. The child should not be a pawn, and that's what such comments reduce him to. Andy has stated that he loves the boy, and would never make a comment about raising another man's child. I don't think it's fair to him, nor to the child, to make comments to that effect. How about we stick to the relevant issues... her disrespect... and leave the child out of the discussion.

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Totally agreed.
The child is going to be the most hurt out of everyone over this.
He doesn't need to dragged through the halls of TAM.


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post #101 of 979 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 10:39 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

It is a HUGE decision to raise another person's child and gender need not apply. It is a HUGE responsibility to enter a child's life, become a step or adoptive parent and treat the child as your own. I may have missed it, but I have no clue why you are saying "her." I may have missed the post, but the ones I see are specifically addressing another man's child not her.. Nope, doesn't matter if the missing parent is or is not in the picture, it is still a huge responsibility and decision to make. I was and I am GRATEFUL my wife was willing to help raise her step daughter before we were married. I hope to GOD she thought long and hard before entering the relationship with me. Nope, it doesn't make the child a pawn in any way. No one is being dragged through the halls of TAM.

Man this tattoo has people making weird analogies and writing fanciful stories.

It is a relevant issue as he can now see the level of repeated disrespect. She put her friends, pride and a tattoo over their own relationship and that of the child. Yes, it is highly relevant, people are putting it into perspective.

Last edited by phillybeffandswiss; 06-30-2016 at 11:37 AM.
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post #102 of 979 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 10:58 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maricha75 View Post
Both of my sisters are on their second marriages. Both had kids from the first marriages. One was ready (both times), the other was not (both times). I still maintain that I truly do not think she was ready to marry either time, though she will celebrate her second anniversary in a couple months. Both of the new husbands willingly, and even enthusiastically, took on the position of step-dad.

So what's my point? Yes, Andy's fiancée has done a lot that has been detrimental to their relationship. However, I have a huge problem with anyone saying she should be grateful that he was willing to take on her and her son. The child should not be a pawn, and that's what such comments reduce him to. Andy has stated that he loves the boy, and would never make a comment about raising another man's child. I don't think it's fair to him, nor to the child, to make comments to that effect. How about we stick to the relevant issues... her disrespect... and leave the child out of the discussion.

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I stand by my comment she should be grateful - many young men are not mature enough or many dont have the desire to take on such a huge responsibility. Given that she found a good guy who loves her boy and is willing to be a good stepdad she should be grateful. I dont see that as being disrespectful as much as appreciating what you have.

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #103 of 979 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 11:41 AM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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Originally Posted by happy as a clam View Post
What are "all the other things that you backed down on" that made you now feel like a fool?

This is starting to reveal a pervasive pattern in her personality.

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Or his, depending.

Someone who frequently stomps his feet, crosses his arms, and says "you can't do that" is inviting just such a reaction. I don't yet know which scenario we're talking about here. Just put me on record as saying this sounds like only one side of a very interesting discussion.

Last edited by Cletus; 06-30-2016 at 11:47 AM.
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post #104 of 979 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 12:04 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Welcome to TAM, where very few stories aren't one sided.

If the tattoo was replaced with abuse, stealing, neglect, drugs or other alleged higher priority boundary crossings, the tone would be completely different. Yet, this is usually how it goes. If it is divisive enough and unbalanced the OP tends to slowly be demonized. I mean NOW, he might be a foot stomping arm crossing "no you can't" person. Ignoring the two incidents he has related.
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post #105 of 979 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 12:19 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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Originally Posted by phillybeffandswiss View Post
Welcome to TAM, where very few stories aren't one sided.

If the tattoo was replaced with abuse, stealing, neglect, drugs or other alleged higher priority boundary crossings, the tone would be completely different. Yet, this is usually how it goes. If it is divisive enough and unbalanced the OP tends to slowly be demonized. I mean NOW, he might be a foot stomping arm crossing "no you can't" person. Ignoring the two incidents he has related.
Agreed. He might be but the OP didnt stomp his feet or hold his breath yet. She agreed to a boundary and then summarily decided to break that boundary. If anything she is behaving in a stomp my feet manner...his lunch today should be interesting..not sure how much he will get to eat.. and her friends getting involved is another warning sign..if the fiance was a grownup she'd be meeting him for lunch not sending her friend..it shows you this group loves drama with their c0cktails..


“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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