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post #121 of 921 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 01:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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Originally Posted by MJJEAN View Post
Sounds to me like her family has long been sick of her shyte and were hoping you'd take her off their hands. Now that she's well on her way to destroying that dream, they let her have it.

She still sounds immature and not ready to be married.

If you really love her and want this to work, have you thought about postponing the wedding and requiring her to live on her own, solely responsible for her bills and her child, for 6+ months before rescheduling the wedding? Maybe she'd mature a bit if she had to do for herself and her child on her own.
That's exactly what I've been thinking.I thought for a while that she should have got the boy used to the idea of moving but she said he prefers life with her parents.This leaves her(and me) free to do what we want but it will come to a sudden stop if she has to take full time care of the boy.

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post #122 of 921 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 01:53 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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Originally Posted by MJJEAN View Post
If you really love her and want this to work, have you thought about postponing the wedding and requiring her to live on her own, solely responsible for her bills and her child, for 6+ months before rescheduling the wedding? Maybe she'd mature a bit if she had to do for herself and her child on her own.
This is EXACTLY what I had my wife do before we got married. Not because she was irresponsible or entitled, but because this is just plain good ol' advice for anyone intending to live with another person.
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post #123 of 921 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 01:58 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

@Andy1001 - you are right to be suspicious - you absolutely should postpone the wedding and take your time with her - her parents don't want to see their daughter end up a single mom or with another loser so of course they don't want her to lose you..I get it...one conversation means next to nothing - she needs to back up her words with consistent actions over a period of time - oh and the toxic Chinese food eating friends need to be kept at a distance if not totally avoided - she is a parent she is not some college sorority girl living in a dorm...

Please correct me if i'm wrong - but it seems her parents and then you have always picked up the slack so she could be freer to do her thing? Is that correct? I agree with @MJJEAN - she needs to stand on her own two feet for awhile and grow up...

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post #124 of 921 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 02:00 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
That's exactly what I've been thinking.I thought for a while that she should have got the boy used to the idea of moving but she said he prefers life with her parents.This leaves her(and me) free to do what we want but it will come to a sudden stop if she has to take full time care of the boy.
But she shouldn't be free to do what she wants - your fiance has a kid to care for...

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #125 of 921 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 02:00 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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That's exactly what I've been thinking.I thought for a while that she should have got the boy used to the idea of moving but she said he prefers life with her parents.This leaves her(and me) free to do what we want but it will come to a sudden stop if she has to take full time care of the boy.
Umm, she's his mother. Unless she's working or arranged a sitter for an occasion, she SHOULD be taking care of the boy full time. That's her job as his mother. Yeesh!

I have a feeling it's she who prefers to live with her parents because they enable her to be less than responsible as an adult and a parent.

Besides, you need to see what it's really like to date a woman with a child. You've had it on easy mode with her mother there to basically raise the kid while the two of you do whatever you guys do.

Once you're married and living together, there won't be someone there to take care of the boy and the responsibility will fall to the two of you. 24/7/365. You need to see what that's like before you marry.

Definitely have her living on her own and taking care of her son to get a better glimpse of what married life will be like and to help her mature BEFORE you say "I do!".
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post #126 of 921 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 02:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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Well, you call off the wedding , you two start dating again, go to pre-marital counseling and then you see if she is prepared to make real changes. Yes, this would include removing her toxic friends and drinking parties with the bad influences. Then you can make a final decision. Moving a wedding date is nothing compared to how bad it can be for you if you marry this woman in her current state.
With her mother refusing to babysit she will not be able to meet her friends.Q
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post #127 of 921 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 02:01 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I think you guys need to take three steps back.
She needs to grow up and you need to work through how you actually feel about her and her actions.
Go back to dating...get couples counseling.
See how it goes.


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post #128 of 921 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 02:06 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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Originally Posted by MJJEAN View Post
Umm, she's his mother. Unless she's working or arranged a sitter for an occasion, she SHOULD be taking care of the boy full time. That's her job as his mother. Yeesh!

I have a feeling it's she who prefers to live with her parents because they enable her to be less than responsible as an adult and a parent.

Besides, you need to see what it's really like to date a woman with a child. You've had it on easy mode with her mother there to basically raise the kid while the two of you do whatever you guys do.

Once you're married and living together, there won't be someone there to take care of the boy and the responsibility will fall to the two of you. 24/7/365. You need to see what that's like before you marry.

Definitely have her living on her own and taking care of her son to get a better glimpse of what married life will be like and to help her mature BEFORE you say "I do!".
You both need to see what it is like to be adult parents of a young child - I don't think your fiance is ready and perhaps her mom and dad are growing tired of letting their daughter remain a child while they raise her child...

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #129 of 921 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 02:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Something very funny happened this afternoon which completely slipped my mind.One of her mouthy friends texted me to say it was just a joke that got out of hand and I shouldn't have stopped my fiancée from going out all this week.I had no contact since Monday am with my fiancée so maybe by not going out she was starting to see sense.What was funny though was this friend said if things don't work out for me and my fiancée to give her a call if I wanted to talk"or something"
She is one of the main **** stirrers and now she wants to come to my house to "talk or something".
Honestly if this woman was on fire I wouldn't piss on her to put it out.
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post #130 of 921 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 02:10 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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I think some of them realise that when we are married her son will be living with us so the partying will be cut back.
Wait til you are having a few friends over for the first time in a long time, have been looking forward to it, have everything set up, then the kid all of a sudden starts projectile vomiting.

But, yes, as another poster has already said, the partying should have been cut back long ago. Other than the odd night out once a week, once every two weeks, or monthly...something like that anyways...she should be home caring for her child or be doing things she can bring the child with her to do.


Last edited by MJJEAN; 06-30-2016 at 02:14 PM.
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post #131 of 921 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 02:13 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
Something very funny happened this afternoon which completely slipped my mind.One of her mouthy friends texted me to say it was just a joke that got out of hand and I shouldn't have stopped my fiancée from going out all this week.I had no contact since Monday am with my fiancée so maybe by not going out she was starting to see sense.What was funny though was this friend said if things don't work out for me and my fiancée to give her a call if I wanted to talk"or something"
She is one of the main **** stirrers and now she wants to come to my house to "talk or something".
Honestly if this woman was on fire I wouldn't piss on her to put it out.
My response to that comment would have been "She's got a young child to raise. She shouldn't be going out all week. Period."

If I was feeling particularly snarky, I'd have added "Why? Are you upset? Did you have to pay for your own drinks?"

Seriously, I'm just reading about this drama llama and feeling my blood pressure rise.
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post #132 of 921 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 02:14 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

@Truthseeker1, while I do stand by my initial response to you, I need to apologize, as well. I misunderstood what you meant in your post. I took it one way and you meant it another. I took it to be in line with the oft implied "you ought to get down on your knees and thank God you met me instead of the guy down the road"... and it seems your thought was "you were fortunate to meet a loving, caring man who loves your child. Most men don't want to bother with another man's child. You've got a great guy in Andy!"... Or maybe it was my mood at the time I wrote my reply. Either way, I apologize for going off, but I do stand by my point that I hate when people take the "you should get down on your knees and thank..." stance.

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post #133 of 921 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 02:18 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

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@Truthseeker1, while I do stand by my initial response to you, I need to apologize, as well. I misunderstood what you meant in your post. I took it one way and you meant it another. I took it to be in line with the oft implied "you ought to get down on your knees and thank God you met me instead of the guy down the road"... and it seems your thought was "you were fortunate to meet a loving, caring man who loves your child. Most men don't want to bother with another man's child. You've got a great guy in Andy!"... Or maybe it was my mood at the time I wrote my reply. Either way, I apologize for going off, but I do stand by my point that I hate when people take the "you should get down on your knees and thank..." stance.

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No worries I know single moms - like the one in my family - and their experience with finding partners has been difficult..people whether men or women who step up in this situation and step up at 100% are rare indeed..perhaps its me but I take sh!tty people for granted the genuinely decent and noble ones i'm grateful for...

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #134 of 921 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 02:20 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

You're marrying a consistent partier that has a son at home getting raised by her parents????

Dude, you're really knee-deep in the stuff, aren't you. Girls like that aren't for marrying. They're for avoiding.
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post #135 of 921 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 02:22 PM
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Well, you are seeing the types of friends she has and their influence. Again, don't make a hasty decision because everything seems to favor you right now. Go slow and eays because many people hide and cover up until they get what they want.
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