Hi welcome to TAM. I'm going to warn you now, many of the posters here on this site are Loyal Spouses, and thus I'd recommend that you brace yourself for a bit of backlash. Being betrayed tends to deeply hurt, and the replies can sometimes come from THEIR place of pain, not necessarily yours. Okay? So be ready for it because I pretty much guarantee you'll get a 2x4 or two.
HOWEVER, the good news is that you'll also likely get the truth! Just because hearing it is hurtful to you doesn't necessarily mean it isn't true!! So before you let a post get under your skin and before you get all defensive, I have a suggestion for ya: pause - take a DEEP breath - and then ask yourself "Could this be true? Could it apply to me?"
Now just so you know, I am both a loyal spouse and a disloyal spouse. My exH cheated on me with pretty much every woman he saw and I loved being married so I just didn't want to see it...and when I faced reality he had no desire to stop so we divorced. I cheated on my current hubby online-sort of like you--I was chatting and messaging with another person and it got inappropriate.
I am not sure 100% of your current status with @Emmi
, but let me just say this one thing: I get it. You are in constant pain and you're not "old" so it s*cks to be so sick and even though @Emmi
loves you, she doesn't "understand" because she's not sick! I also know that sometimes hearing life-altering news can kind of send you spinning and you didn't cope with it very well--and you made the wrong choice and turned to someone else. I'm not saying it's not understandable. But I am saying it is NOT something @Emmi
did or didn't do. It has 100% to do with YOU and learning how to cope with how you feel in a better way. You tried to sort of cover the pain of hearing about your disease with the good feeling of someone flirting with you. Okay you're a human being. But you know and I know and everyone here knows that choice--your choice--was not the right way to handle it!
So I EXTREMELY STRONGLY SUGGEST that if you have not already done so, you need to end all contact with the other woman right now. This afternoon! Now. Hey I know it will feel empty-ish for you at first, but YOU made a commitment and promise to Emmi and now is the time to admit that what you did was wrong, it was infidelity, and it was 100% on you not her...and then get busy honoring your commitment and showing her that you CAN be honest, share your deep inner self with her, and face the truth.
I secondarily strongly suggest that you continue your IC--see if you can do it weekly and see if you can get like homework to do each week. Then every single day, actually put into action the new stuff you're learning. It will feel awkward at first, and that's okay. You're ending an old, BAD habit and beginning something new, and new stuff always feels unnatural at first.
Soooo...do you have any questions?