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post #16 of 41 (permalink) Old 08-08-2016, 04:30 PM
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Re: emmi's husband here finally!

@MrEmmi

Hi welcome to TAM. I'm going to warn you now, many of the posters here on this site are Loyal Spouses, and thus I'd recommend that you brace yourself for a bit of backlash. Being betrayed tends to deeply hurt, and the replies can sometimes come from THEIR place of pain, not necessarily yours. Okay? So be ready for it because I pretty much guarantee you'll get a 2x4 or two.

HOWEVER, the good news is that you'll also likely get the truth! Just because hearing it is hurtful to you doesn't necessarily mean it isn't true!! So before you let a post get under your skin and before you get all defensive, I have a suggestion for ya: pause - take a DEEP breath - and then ask yourself "Could this be true? Could it apply to me?"

Now just so you know, I am both a loyal spouse and a disloyal spouse. My exH cheated on me with pretty much every woman he saw and I loved being married so I just didn't want to see it...and when I faced reality he had no desire to stop so we divorced. I cheated on my current hubby online-sort of like you--I was chatting and messaging with another person and it got inappropriate.

I am not sure 100% of your current status with @Emmi, but let me just say this one thing: I get it. You are in constant pain and you're not "old" so it s*cks to be so sick and even though @Emmi loves you, she doesn't "understand" because she's not sick! I also know that sometimes hearing life-altering news can kind of send you spinning and you didn't cope with it very well--and you made the wrong choice and turned to someone else. I'm not saying it's not understandable. But I am saying it is NOT something @Emmi did or didn't do. It has 100% to do with YOU and learning how to cope with how you feel in a better way. You tried to sort of cover the pain of hearing about your disease with the good feeling of someone flirting with you. Okay you're a human being. But you know and I know and everyone here knows that choice--your choice--was not the right way to handle it!

So I EXTREMELY STRONGLY SUGGEST that if you have not already done so, you need to end all contact with the other woman right now. This afternoon! Now. Hey I know it will feel empty-ish for you at first, but YOU made a commitment and promise to Emmi and now is the time to admit that what you did was wrong, it was infidelity, and it was 100% on you not her...and then get busy honoring your commitment and showing her that you CAN be honest, share your deep inner self with her, and face the truth.

I secondarily strongly suggest that you continue your IC--see if you can do it weekly and see if you can get like homework to do each week. Then every single day, actually put into action the new stuff you're learning. It will feel awkward at first, and that's okay. You're ending an old, BAD habit and beginning something new, and new stuff always feels unnatural at first.

Soooo...do you have any questions?


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post #17 of 41 (permalink) Old 08-08-2016, 04:36 PM
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Re: emmi's husband here finally!

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
@Emmi - RUN, he's lying about not banging her

@MrEmmi - Get tested for STDs and stop lying
Bang...the race is on!

Nah!.....The disgrace is on!

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #18 of 41 (permalink) Old 08-09-2016, 04:43 AM Thread Starter
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Re: emmi's husband here finally!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Affaircare View Post
@MrEmmi

Hi welcome to TAM. I'm going to warn you now, many of the posters here on this site are Loyal Spouses, and thus I'd recommend that you brace yourself for a bit of backlash. Being betrayed tends to deeply hurt, and the replies can sometimes come from THEIR place of pain, not necessarily yours. Okay? So be ready for it because I pretty much guarantee you'll get a 2x4 or two.

HOWEVER, the good news is that you'll also likely get the truth! Just because hearing it is hurtful to you doesn't necessarily mean it isn't true!! So before you let a post get under your skin and before you get all defensive, I have a suggestion for ya: pause - take a DEEP breath - and then ask yourself "Could this be true? Could it apply to me?"

Now just so you know, I am both a loyal spouse and a disloyal spouse. My exH cheated on me with pretty much every woman he saw and I loved being married so I just didn't want to see it...and when I faced reality he had no desire to stop so we divorced. I cheated on my current hubby online-sort of like you--I was chatting and messaging with another person and it got inappropriate.

I am not sure 100% of your current status with @Emmi, but let me just say this one thing: I get it. You are in constant pain and you're not "old" so it s*cks to be so sick and even though @Emmi loves you, she doesn't "understand" because she's not sick! I also know that sometimes hearing life-altering news can kind of send you spinning and you didn't cope with it very well--and you made the wrong choice and turned to someone else. I'm not saying it's not understandable. But I am saying it is NOT something @Emmi did or didn't do. It has 100% to do with YOU and learning how to cope with how you feel in a better way. You tried to sort of cover the pain of hearing about your disease with the good feeling of someone flirting with you. Okay you're a human being. But you know and I know and everyone here knows that choice--your choice--was not the right way to handle it!

So I EXTREMELY STRONGLY SUGGEST that if you have not already done so, you need to end all contact with the other woman right now. This afternoon! Now. Hey I know it will feel empty-ish for you at first, but YOU made a commitment and promise to Emmi and now is the time to admit that what you did was wrong, it was infidelity, and it was 100% on you not her...and then get busy honoring your commitment and showing her that you CAN be honest, share your deep inner self with her, and face the truth.

I secondarily strongly suggest that you continue your IC--see if you can do it weekly and see if you can get like homework to do each week. Then every single day, actually put into action the new stuff you're learning. It will feel awkward at first, and that's okay. You're ending an old, BAD habit and beginning something new, and new stuff always feels unnatural at first.

Soooo...do you have any questions?
thanks for the welcome.
I tend not to let peoples words and opinions affect me, they are either right or wrong you know?.
i cut contact with the other woman ages ago, in all fairness i cant even remember how long ago it was.
and we already discussed me increasing my time with my shrink, i think its something i need very much.
I have high hopes for this forum, im just hoping after a while people will stop cutting me down and judging me based on a few bad choces i made when i was in a dark state of mind....
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post #19 of 41 (permalink) Old 08-09-2016, 05:15 AM
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Re: emmi's husband here finally!

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errrm hard to explain, but there was kissing and sexuals stuff but not sexual stuff, ie; no bits went in other bits.
if there was any risk of STD i would have taken a test by now. no secrets between us anymore, plus i have like loads of blood test because of my health!
What a giant load of horse ****. It's hard to explain, or it would be hard for you if you explain?
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post #20 of 41 (permalink) Old 08-09-2016, 05:58 PM
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Re: emmi's husband here finally!

@zookeeper,

I'm not even @MrEmmi and I can explain it. You are talking about two people who are ill and both in constant pain. Thus, heavy petting may have occurred--shoot they may have even attempted PIV--but at times doing certain things, certain positions, etc. is just too painful so you go an alternate route.

Speaking ONLY FOR MYSELF, my own Dear Hubby and I rarely have PIV because there are limitations to his breathing and endurance that make it something we'd like to do but are physically unable to accomplish.

When you take that into consideration, I don't think @MrEmmi is necessarily minimizing. He has said right out that there was sexual stuff occurring but there was not penetration. And to my mind, what difference does it make? They WANTED TO--may have even tried to--but due to restrictions, were unable to!
The point that's important is that both had reached the place in their minds that they DESIRED IT, and we don't need to know every sniggly detail--we need to know it was PHYSICAL infidelity and there was lust.

We know that.

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post #21 of 41 (permalink) Old 08-09-2016, 06:47 PM
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Re: emmi's husband here finally!

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Originally Posted by MrEmmi View Post
essentially I had an existential crisis after struggling with bad physical health and emotional health (locking emotions up) and sort of pulled out of the marriage in my mind.
Let me run this through my BS Translatonic.

I felt crappy so I tried to bang a random chick to feel better but due to my health issues I couldn't get hard enough to screw her so I took what I could get.
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post #22 of 41 (permalink) Old 08-09-2016, 06:55 PM
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Re: emmi's husband here finally!

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How do you cheat physically but no sex? Sounds like something Nataly would say.
Yeah MrEmmi explain this please?

Never mind I see.

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post #23 of 41 (permalink) Old 08-17-2016, 06:57 AM Thread Starter
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Re: emmi's husband here finally!

little update.
I went to my shrink yesterday and asked him to help me both deal with my emotions and help me to turn my thoughts around a bit so i become more interested in everyday things and not just my hobbies. he gave me and interesting answer that i think was wrong (hoping some others here can give some insight too).
he essentially said that the way we think and our thoughts and emotions are genetic and that there is no easy way of changing the way we think/feel.
i beleive this to be totally wrong, how can the way we process things be a genetic thing? im SURE it is a learned thing, like racism, people are not bron racist A-holes, its a learned thing, like behaviour right? i mean thats what is the fundimental grounds of our behaviour right? thoughts and feeling? and behaviour is taught/learned/ maliable?
or am i getting this all wrong?
anyway. thats it for now i think.
also we bought this cool pregnancy pillow thing, i was sceptical at first as it cost like over 100 (120 dollars?) but it seems like it will be a god send when the little one is here....
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post #24 of 41 (permalink) Old 08-17-2016, 07:02 AM
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Re: emmi's husband here finally!

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrEmmi View Post
little update.
I went to my shrink yesterday and asked him to help me both deal with my emotions and help me to turn my thoughts around a bit so i become more interested in everyday things and not just my hobbies. he gave me and interesting answer that i think was wrong (hoping some others here can give some insight too).
he essentially said that the way we think and our thoughts and emotions are genetic and that there is no easy way of changing the way we think/feel.
i beleive this to be totally wrong, how can the way we process things be a genetic thing? im SURE it is a learned thing, like racism, people are not bron racist A-holes, its a learned thing, like behaviour right? i mean thats what is the fundimental grounds of our behaviour right? thoughts and feeling? and behaviour is taught/learned/ maliable?
or am i getting this all wrong?
anyway. thats it for now i think.
also we bought this cool pregnancy pillow thing, i was sceptical at first as it cost like over 100 (120 dollars?) but it seems like it will be a god send when the little one is here....
Did you challenge him on it? Or just ask him to please elaborate?

If not, would you feel comfortable doing so next time?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #25 of 41 (permalink) Old 08-17-2016, 07:29 AM
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Re: emmi's husband here finally!

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrEmmi View Post
little update.
I went to my shrink yesterday and asked him to help me both deal with my emotions and help me to turn my thoughts around a bit so i become more interested in everyday things and not just my hobbies. he gave me and interesting answer that i think was wrong (hoping some others here can give some insight too).
he essentially said that the way we think and our thoughts and emotions are genetic and that there is no easy way of changing the way we think/feel.
i beleive this to be totally wrong, how can the way we process things be a genetic thing? im SURE it is a learned thing, like racism, people are not bron racist A-holes, its a learned thing, like behaviour right? i mean thats what is the fundimental grounds of our behaviour right? thoughts and feeling? and behaviour is taught/learned/ maliable?
or am i getting this all wrong?
anyway. thats it for now i think.
also we bought this cool pregnancy pillow thing, i was sceptical at first as it cost like over 100 (120 dollars?) but it seems like it will be a god send when the little one is here....
Did he actually say "Genetic"? If we can't change the way we think and feel then the shrink's profession is a farce. Sounds like one of those therapist who specializes in justifying bad behaviors and making you feeeeeeel gooooood about yourself.

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post #26 of 41 (permalink) Old 08-17-2016, 06:54 PM
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Re: emmi's husband here finally!

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Originally Posted by MrEmmi View Post
little update.
I went to my shrink yesterday and asked him to help me both deal with my emotions and help me to turn my thoughts around a bit so i become more interested in everyday things and not just my hobbies.
@MrEmmi,

I'm glad you came back and gave us a little update! I have to admit I was afraid the tone of some of the comments might have driven you off, so thanks for coming back!

I'm glad to see you're gong to "a shrink"--is that a psychiatrist, psychologist, or counselor/therapist type person?

Also if you feel cool with sharing, can I ask you a question? You said you asked for "help to deal with my emotions " and "help to turn my thoughts around so i become more interested in everyday things." I don't get what you mean, so could you clarify?

"Help deal with your emotions" I do kind of get, because you're fairly young and have a pretty wicked disease, so you MUST feel some pretty deep stuff about that--so the idea is to figure out WHAT you feel, and then figure out how to deal with the feelings. Most people may be able to get beyond "Well I feel pissed" and realize that anger is a secondary feeling, but then... what to do? How do you express it so that it's healthy? How do you cope? If you're feeling really hurt and you're used to stuffing it...how do you do something else that is better for you without losing it? Right? See I get that one!

But the "help to turn my thoughts around so i become more interested in everyday things" confuses me. What "everyday things" are you not interested in? What hobbies are taking up your time? I don't really understand what your goal is here--like "help me to think about my wife doing the dishes"? or "help me see that the floor is messy?" (shrug) I'm kind lost!


Quote:
...he gave me and interesting answer that i think was wrong (hoping some others here can give some insight too).
he essentially said that the way we think and our thoughts and emotions are genetic and that there is no easy way of changing the way we think/feel.
BULL SHYTE! In my opinion that couldn't be further from the truth. Now... people do tend to have natural personalities (like I'm an INFP which stands for Introvert-Intuitive-Feeler-Perceiver) but I can learn how to be more extroverted if I choose to work at it! Or I can choose to learn how to be more Thinker and not let my emotions just carry me along like a river current! I can absolutely change the way I respond to an emotion and change the way I think!

Isn't that the whole point of going to counseling? To learn BETTER ways to perceive things (think), and better ways to cope with feelings, and better ways to express feelings... ways that build relationships rather than destroying them? Maybe I'm being harsh but if I heard that in a session, I wouldn't go to that person again, because they are not a good fit! You may want to think about looking for a new shrink!!!

Quote:
also we bought this cool pregnancy pillow thing, i was sceptical at first as it cost like over 100 (120 dollars?) but it seems like it will be a god send when the little one is here....
Okay I can verify these things are a worth about a million dollars! I used a pillow when I was preggo so when I was sleeping it wasn't so uncomfy, and then with the baby was born you can use it to nurse in bed OR feed the baby a bottle during the day (I used to express into a bottle so "dad" could feed too!). They give baby a safe way to sit up and be supported! So good for you!!

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post #27 of 41 (permalink) Old 08-17-2016, 10:27 PM
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Re: emmi's husband here finally!

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Originally Posted by MrEmmi View Post
essentially I had an existential crisis after struggling with bad physical health and emotional health (locking emotions up) and sort of pulled out of the marriage in my mind.
luckily my wife saw that it wasnt the real me and helped me through it.
my health will never be better per se, i can improve things slightly, but its a genetic condition that is degenerative and messes all my joints and organs up.... phisio can help with the joint problems though.
I'm going to guess...

Elhers Danlos Syndrome. Which type?

(Or Marfan's)

Still no excuse to cheat.

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post #28 of 41 (permalink) Old 08-17-2016, 10:38 PM
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Re: emmi's husband here finally!

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errrm hard to explain, but there was kissing and sexuals stuff but not sexual stuff, ie; no bits went in other bits.
So you think to claim the "no copulation" was planned? In such a case why go to kisses etc - women seldom sexually kiss guys they aren't at least willing to copulate with.

You know that you've got less to offer your wife than you once had, and yes that sight of your mortality can be a social construct destroyer. You now have embarrassed yourself and a huge debt to your wife - pray she stick around so you can BOTH enjoy your remaining time together (and yes I know several people with degenerative conditions - you just have to make the best of every day, just like a bad poker hand.... no one gets to choose, and some of us just get bad hands, nothing you can do with it but play it out as it comes. No point wasting energy to pretend otherwise)
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post #29 of 41 (permalink) Old 08-18-2016, 05:17 AM
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Re: emmi's husband here finally!

Just to add a little about myself and my husband as to a certain degree I understand.
I'm 33 he is 35. He has a severe debilitating disease which progresses very fast. He now has a wheelchair and is becoming paralysed. Mainly his left side for now but will effect his right side. Most of his body from neck down has no feeling. At some point he will lose the use of his bowel and bladder. He also has a large cyst on his brain and a whole host of other symptoms including daily chronic pain.
He has what is called syringomyelia. His cyst fills the inside of his spinal cord from top to bottom.
In the beginning when he started getting worse it was very very hard for him to adjust to. We have children and there's alot he cannot do with them which is very upsetting. We cant go do nights out like others can.
His biggest issue then was confidence. He felt like I couldn't cope with being a full time carer for him in the future. He thought I found him unattractive due to his disability.
He just always had negative thoughts.
I soon realised that boosting his confidence daily and sex was the key to getting us better.
He needed to be have a normal sex life as it makes him feel like a normal healthy 35 year old male. We have a great sex life which helps him massively. He has odd moments where he feels down, fed up and unattractive but I recognise when he just needs a hug and told how much he's loved that everything is going to be alright.
I trust him 100 per cent.
I think some people to easily us their disability as an excuse. I can only say that as I have a man who I have seen at his lowest in everything and infedililty was still the last thing from his mind. He was too busy worrying about me and if I could cope or if I would run off with the next healthy man I seen.
He felt I deserved to be with someone who could work and provide better for his family as he couldn't.
The strange thing is I lived with an ex who lost count how many women he slept with. I had 3 children with this man and suffered alot of physical abuse and denial.
My current husband has also been a cheater in previous relationships but I still trust him 100 per cent.

Please just don't accept his condition as an excuse for his behaviour.


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post #30 of 41 (permalink) Old 08-21-2016, 11:46 AM Thread Starter
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Re: emmi's husband here finally!

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@MrEmmi,

I'm glad you came back and gave us a little update! I have to admit I was afraid the tone of some of the comments might have driven you off, so thanks for coming back!

I'm glad to see you're gong to "a shrink"--is that a psychiatrist, psychologist, or counselor/therapist type person?

Also if you feel cool with sharing, can I ask you a question? You said you asked for "help to deal with my emotions " and "help to turn my thoughts around so i become more interested in everyday things." I don't get what you mean, so could you clarify?

"Help deal with your emotions" I do kind of get, because you're fairly young and have a pretty wicked disease, so you MUST feel some pretty deep stuff about that--so the idea is to figure out WHAT you feel, and then figure out how to deal with the feelings. Most people may be able to get beyond "Well I feel pissed" and realize that anger is a secondary feeling, but then... what to do? How do you express it so that it's healthy? How do you cope? If you're feeling really hurt and you're used to stuffing it...how do you do something else that is better for you without losing it? Right? See I get that one!

But the "help to turn my thoughts around so i become more interested in everyday things" confuses me. What "everyday things" are you not interested in? What hobbies are taking up your time? I don't really understand what your goal is here--like "help me to think about my wife doing the dishes"? or "help me see that the floor is messy?" (shrug) I'm kind lost!




BULL SHYTE! In my opinion that couldn't be further from the truth. Now... people do tend to have natural personalities (like I'm an INFP which stands for Introvert-Intuitive-Feeler-Perceiver) but I can learn how to be more extroverted if I choose to work at it! Or I can choose to learn how to be more Thinker and not let my emotions just carry me along like a river current! I can absolutely change the way I respond to an emotion and change the way I think!

Isn't that the whole point of going to counseling? To learn BETTER ways to perceive things (think), and better ways to cope with feelings, and better ways to express feelings... ways that build relationships rather than destroying them? Maybe I'm being harsh but if I heard that in a session, I wouldn't go to that person again, because they are not a good fit! You may want to think about looking for a new shrink!!!



Okay I can verify these things are a worth about a million dollars! I used a pillow when I was preggo so when I was sleeping it wasn't so uncomfy, and then with the baby was born you can use it to nurse in bed OR feed the baby a bottle during the day (I used to express into a bottle so "dad" could feed too!). They give baby a safe way to sit up and be supported! So good for you!!
my shrink is a psychologist, the only one i can see that comes under my free healthcare card thing, so essentially my only option. i saw previously a psyciatrist who just prescribed me meds and was kinda useless (that was before my existential crisis).

because of my upbringing I am very disconnected from my emotions, my family were never close and never will be, part of the reason im seeing my shrink is to work through those problems.
I dont feel emotions or well have the connections to them like other people do. our marriage councillor gave us this info about different family types and i remember me and my wife both thought my family was this same type (the name slips me right now). but it was very much "oh we dont need to talk about emotions" when i was a kid.

but the turning my thoughts around thing is like errrmmm...
say for instance you plan to decorate the bathroom, you start to visualise things, like colours etc, you look in magasines and on the net at new sinks etc etc. well i just fade out on these thoughts. I cant stay focused so well on things other than my hobbies/intrests (motorsport) which has also been my profession. something i am very good at (blowing my won trumpet here!)
but like even my other hobbies hardly get a thought, i took up scuba years ago and spent a whole lot of money learning it, its something ive not done in years and not even thought about.
i play guitar, lots, but again, its something i dont think about, i just sort of do it.
you see what i mean?
its a problem.
I cant talk with my wife about raising our kid for more than 10 mins before my mind shuts off...
this is what NEEDS changing. and this is what my shrink says i cant change...
I understand this wont be easy, but nothing in life is easy really....
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