I am INFP, and my husband ISTP. ... I would love to hear your comments on our personality types.
Well right off the bat without even thinking, it looks like you are both introverts
so that's super good! You two probably don't clash on wanting to "go out" or needing to spend time with a bunch of friends. You can really use that to your advantage. Dear Hubby and I are both introverts too, so our ideas of fun are the same: stay home, make a GREAT meal together, and then play a game or watch a movie together.
I also so see you are both perceivers
, which again, anything you two have in common will be a bond that helps you because you sort of see the world similarly. In this case, a J for judger would see the world in black and white, right and wrong, should or shouldn't (I like to think of J's as having like all these rules about how things should and should not be done, and if you don't fit those rules, they are thrown for a loop); but P's like you guys (and Dear Hubby and I) see the world with shades of gray. There is right and wrong, but there are all these variables and possibilities in between too! For example, instead of having a list of rules about how things "should" be done, a P would say "Well yeah you could do that, but you could also do this and this and this and this!"
Now none of these letters is "right" or "wrong"--it's just a way of identifying tendencies and being able to work through where we are similar and where we are different. So J's are right and P's wrong--they just ARE. And most folks are on a spectrum. We all have some things we J about (aka cheating is WRONG...black and white!), but in the majority of times, you tend to be Perceiver and see the various gray possibilities rather than seeing just one way. Make sense??
Okay I see that where you two differ is N and S--and F and T. For men and women, the F and T difference is actually fairly typical. This is a VERY general statement, but quite often guys tend toward Thinker and gals tend toward Feeler. That is not always the case, and everyone is on a spectrum, remember. So for example, my Dear Hubby is about 70% Thinker and 30% Feeler overall....but in some moments he really FEELS and in other moments his Thinker is just 100%!! The difference between these two may actually be some of the areas where you two have a little conflict, and I don't necessarily mean fights. I mean: you are not the same!
Being a Thinker doesn't mean you do not Feel, just as being a Feeler doesn't mean you aren't logical! Being a Thinker just means that if you have some information and you need to evaluate the info, you use your mind to do it and reach your decision or conclusion. Likewise being a Feeler means that if you have some info and you need to evaluate it, you use your emotions to reach your decision or conclusion. A thinker might say stuff like: "I have thought it over and based on the data I believe the Ford will be the best car to buy due to safety ratings." A feeler might say stuff like: "I've been consider which car to buy, and I feel like the Buick feels like a better deal and is more comfortable." So one way of looking at it is that Thinkers put in info, calculate, analyze and then decide; Feelers put in info, see how it feels, and often make decisions based on emotion or "how they feel." Neither one is right or wrong--they just ARE! But if one spouse is evaluating and analyzing--to the feeling spouse it can seem like "Man, don't you feel ANYTHING? Are you Spock or what?" And to the thinking spouse, it can feel like "I'm giving this thought, I'm trying to make the wisest choice I can, and all you do is get emotional about everything." Seriously--envision Spock and Kirk! The trick is, rather than trying to turn Spock INTO Kirk or turn Kirk into Spock, recognizing that both have their strengths, both need each other, and both can learn from the other!
Finally there's the N and S. This one is kind of easy to understand. N is for iNtuition (because I had already been used--lol), and S is for Sensing. So Emmi, you tend to recharge your battery internally rather than externally (introvert), you tend to gather data using intuition and not necessarily the concrete facts in front of you (intuition), you tend to process the info you gathered using your emotions first (feeler), and you tend to see many possible interpretations and options as your conclusion (perceiver). MrEmmi, you tend to also recharge your battery inside yourself rather from others (introvert), you tend to gather info from the concrete world around you such as with your senses and with facts (sensor), you tend to process the info you gathered using your mind first to analyze and evaluate (thinker), and when you reach your conclusion, you see several viable options that would be acceptable (perceiver).
Finally, overall ISTPs tend to be Mechanics of the world. I mean...they love motors and "how things work" and learning with the thing right in front of them where they can touch it. They like to DO THINGS rather than thinking about theories and making plans. They also tend to like a bit of action--so for some reason they end up liking cars, motorcycles, bunge jumping, sky diving--that thrilling stuff. An ISTP who is really stressed-out may have a fairly uncharacteristic emotional outburst OR have this overwhelming feeling that they have to share and do so inappropriately. After that, they don't want to share anymore. Usually ISTPs don't believe in reaching conclusions based on their own personal values because they think judgments should be made impartially based on the facts. So they don't pay attention to their own feelings because they can't tell the difference between their emotional reaction and a value judgment!
Overall INFPs (that's me) tend to be the Healers. I mean...they love to help people and make the world a better place. Most are very intuitive and are especially intuitive about other people, so we pick up on things about our partner pretty easily. We tend to be pretty thoughtful and considerate and are great listeners because we're so intuitive, but we also go to GREAT LENGTHS to avoid conflict. Conflict =feeling bad!! When we do have to face a conflict (like with our spouse) we don't really care who's right or wrong, we just don't want to feel bad anymore! To thinkers this seems completely illogical and irrational. Most INFPs are pretty laid-back and easy going except for if one of our values is crossed--then it becomes our "cause." And as we go along in life gather data, there is no such thing as "impersonal data"--everything is personal and about relationships and related! INFPs usually are really hard on themselves and hold themselves to a horribly high standard, and then when we don't meet the high standard we get all down on themselves and don't give ourselves credit. Also when we're stressed out, we'll throw out fact after illogical fact in an emotional outburst that feels like a flood to us, and seems completely irrational to someone who's a thinker. ("That first fact just isn't true, and then you built on that untrue fact with yet another fact that also wasn't true, so your whole argument is unsupportable." LOL)