Am I over-reacting? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 10:01 PM Thread Starter
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Am I over-reacting?

After my sons went to bed this evening, the following messages appeared on my 10 year old son's iPhone, from the ********* that my ex-wife has been spending all her time with after I filed for divorce 3 years ago when I discovered she was pregnant with the next door neighbor's baby:

From: "Loard [sic] and Master: John [XXXX]
Good night little man

This was followed by four messages that I could not read because I do not have password access to my son's iPhone. The message itself doesn't bother me, but "Loard and Master"? WTF? There were no messages from him to my other three son's iPhones.

Am I overreacting? Should I contact police? Should I try to monitor my son's iPhone over the next few weeks, even though I do not have password access? I am looking for objective advice.

Long time lurker here, and I know there is a lot of good advice here.

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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 10:04 PM
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Re: Am I over-reacting?

Wait what? You do not have password access to your kids phone? Um, that has to be remedied quickly. And you should just ask/tell him you want to see it tomorrow.

I am guessing your kid put in lord and master. Ask him about it. Not angry or aggressively, but understandingly.
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 10:11 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I over-reacting?

Thanks Hershel, good advice, I will ask him tomorrow. I hope the ex has not poisoned him against that request.
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 10:13 PM
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Re: Am I over-reacting?

Yep....no way does a kid get a locked phone and dad doesn't get the password. When they pay the bills, then they can lock it.

Edited to add: It COULD be a sarcastic name that the kid put in. In my phone, about a hundred years ago, my ex was listed as HMBH "His Majesty Butt Head".....which was eventually shortened to BH.
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 10:14 PM
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Re: Am I over-reacting?

Do you have spilt custody? Does she talk **** about you to them that you know about? Kids can see through a lot of that stuff, but being honest with them makes them gain your trust. Obvuousl, but tough to grasp when you only have them part time. If she is working against you, you need to talk to her about how damaging that all is to the kids.
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 10:24 PM
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Re: Am I over-reacting?

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Originally Posted by Herschel View Post
Wait what? You do not have password access to your kids phone? Um, that has to be remedied quickly. And you should just ask/tell him you want to see it tomorrow.

I am guessing your kid put in lord and master. Ask him about it. Not angry or aggressively, but understandingly.
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My kids are not allowed to have passwords on their phones. We pay the bill, we get access. They must also allow us access to social media accounts.

I also agree it's probably a sarcastic nickname assigned by your son. That's totally something one of my boys would do. One of them had a really silly/sarcastic mom-song ringtone assigned to me for a while...
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 10:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I over-reacting?

I have them 50% of all dinners, 43% of all overnights, and she has them 100% of all child custody payments. That is how child custody works in New York state - winner takes all. But my question is: should I be troubled that ********* is "Loard and Master" to one of my four sons, and ignores the others? I am not trying to improve custody arrangements. I want to know if I am over-reacting to the creepiness of his "Loard and Master"?
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 10:28 PM
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Re: Am I over-reacting?

Do figure out if it was your son who entered the "Lord & Master" bit

Is his cell phone on your account? I would get the password and put monitoring software on it without telling your son or his mother.

It does seem odd that the step father is texting him good night, and only him.
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 10:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I over-reacting?

The cell phone is on my ex's account, since I pay $4,000 per month to her to support our children. I will ask him if that is his nickname (and WTF? I believe the current tag should be "step-****".
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 11:04 PM
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Re: Am I over-reacting?

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Originally Posted by whydoyouhateme? View Post
The cell phone is on my ex's account, since I pay $4,000 per month to her to support our children. I will ask him if that is his nickname (and WTF? I believe the current tag should be "step-****".
This could get icky. My kids phones were in my name and I paid for them before they were old enough to work and pay their own bill. If my exH asked me for the kids cell passwords,I'd have told him to pound sand.

Do I think you're overreacting? Yes. My DD used to have her step-father listed as Attorney. Every time she got in trouble with me, she called "her Attorney" so he could argue her case.

I'd hazard a guess he texted the youngest and not the elder kids because a) a lot of parents stop with the nighty night stuff once kids reach a certain age and b) he might be closer to the youngest because the youngest is more accepting of him as a parental figure and they have a closer relationship than he shares with the older kids.

If you're picking hills to die on with your ex, save it for something more than a good-night text and a smart azz name listing.


Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.

Last edited by MJJEAN; 10-11-2016 at 11:09 PM.
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