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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 11:53 PM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: NORTH carolina
Posts: 1

MY name is Brenda
right now im confused my husband of 33 years
walked out on me this past Monday while I was at work.
He is staying with his girlfriend but says they are just hanging out.
He calls and text every day saying he is coming home then doesn't
Right now im a mess and don't know what to do.
He tells me he loves and misses me.

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 02:15 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 33,650
Re: new

I'm sorry that this has happened to you Brenda.

You say that you were at work when this happened. Do you work full time? Does he have a job?

Sadly, it seems that your husband is cheating on and thinks he can pull the wool over your eyes and play games with you. At this point he seems to think that he holds all the power in your relationship. He will continue to do this until you make a stand.

My suggestion is that you top talking to him. I know that this might sound counter to what you think you need to do. But as long as you keep talking to him, he will keep thinking that you will take anything that he dishes out.

One thing you need to realize that an affair causes what is often called the affair fog. See he has two women right now who want him. Two women filling his needs. So, he's on an emotional high. When this happens, his brain is pumping out a whole lot of feel good hormones... kind of liken when a person takes cocaine. The affair is a fantasy.. she does not have to fill all of his needs so it's easy for both of them.

What you need to do is to take yourself out of the picture for right now. You do that in a few steps. The first is to interact with him according to what we call the 180 (see the link in my signature block below). Doing the 180 do several things. The first and most important is that it will protect you from the very hurtful way he's treating you right now. Another thing that it will do is to let him know that you will not allow yourself to be mistreated. If he wants any kind of chance to be with your, he needs to dump the affair partner. And after he does that, you might consider taking him back... maybe.

Begging, pleading, letting him see you cry, always answering your phone when he calls: All of that will do nothing but drive him away. Just do the 180.

Do you have family or friends who know what is going on? Are they giving you any good support right now?

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Last edited by EleGirl; 02-19-2017 at 03:22 AM.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 03:06 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Southeast
Posts: 3,383
Re: new

Take yourself out of the equation. If you don't he'll just string you along and you'll prolong your pain.

It may not be easy but it's you're only option at this time. Never answer a phone call direct, let it go to voice mail. Same with texts or emails.

See an attorney. It doesn't mean you file but know what your rights are. You can usually get a free consult. I'd interview 3 or 4 just in case.

Exposure may help. If you help them hide their affair it just enables it. Family, friends, etc

Don't worry about pushing him away. He's already gone. It may wake him up.

Trying to nice him back won't work so don't waste your time on that.
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