Mixed orientation marriage - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:01 AM Thread Starter
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Mixed orientation marriage

After thirty plus years of marriage, my wife came out to me and to herself as a lesbian. So what had been a low-sex marriage became a no-sex one. She has and can have no desire for me. No children. But a very good relationship in every way but sexual. She's not looking elsewhere, and neither am I, but you'll see from my posts here that I'm really struggling with accepting no sex. The fact is that as long as we remain monogamous, neither of us will ever know the fullness of desire and sex.

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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:07 AM
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Re: Mixed orientation marriage

since it sounds like this will be a marriage in name only what kind of compromise have you two decided to work out?
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:08 AM
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Re: Mixed orientation marriage

Since you have been together, has she cheated on you with other women? I find it odd that in 30+ years of marriage she just realized she is a lesbian unless she has actually experienced it.

Honestly, this falls on you what to do. You can either accept that you will no longer have sex, go the open marriage route, or divorce and find someone who is a better fit.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 10:50 AM
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Re: Mixed orientation marriage

At least you know the situation. Painful as it is, you have the information you need and can make a decision. (I see from an an earlier thread that you have known this for 3 years now).

You can divorce. That is the most obvious solution, but it may not be desirable for a variety of practical reasons.

You can have a completely open marriage. She is free to sleep with whomever she wants. You are free to sleep with whomever you want. Since you don't have sex with each other, none of the usual concerns about disease etc apply, each is responsible for their own protection.

You can have an open marriage with the understanding that it may eventually lead to a non-hostile divorce.


I don't see any other practical solutions.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:12 AM
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Re: Mixed orientation marriage

If this happened with a man I was married to, I would have to seriously think of ending the marriage. Sex is so important in a marriage to keep you emotionally connected.
Have you thought she may be using this as an a excuse not to have sex? Seems odd that she has only just realised this after all 30 years.
Surely the best thing is to end things so that you can have the chance of a fulfilling marriage again? Far far better than you looking for sex through casual relationships which usually aren't at all fulfilling.
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