Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Southeast Texas
I'm a noob here, been lurking for a few weeks via tapatalk.
About me - 44 years old, divorced, 2 kids 17 and 19. I live in Texas.
I'm also a recovered alcoholic with 6 years of sobriety - and this is incredibly pertinent because it's only by this fact that I'm at all equipped to be in a healthy relationship. Every good thing that's happened in my life is a direct or indirect result of my sobriety. We call it "God doing for us what we can't do for ourselves" - even though sometimes that can be a painful process.
My first and only marriage (of 16 years) ended in 2009 in acrimony - my life literally disintegrated - I lost my family, our home, and my career was waylaid for a few years due to my own issues. I spent 2 years talking to my ex through lawyers, and didn't spend much time with our children. I was so sick that I quite simply couldn't be an effective father, husband, or employee.
In early 2011 I hit rock bottom and realized what I had done. The subsequent years have been about making living amends to those that I harmed. I'm happy to report that today my ex wife (she's remarried, to a fantastic fella) and I are friends and we co-parent. To the extent that this past week I daughter/dog/house sat for them while they attended a conference in CA (She is a therapist/psychologist and he is a neuropsychologist).
I've been 100% redeemed in the eyes of my 2 wonderful children because I've been a constant participant in their lives. I've driven 10 hours round trip dozens of times to see them for 30 minutes at a school and other functions. I've grown into becoming the stable, supportive, and dependable parent that they deserved all along.
In the fall of 2011 I met a woman and began a relationship - it's important to note that her ex-husband is an active alcoholic, and that she is a strong member of Al Anon family group. Our respective programs of recovery are incredibly important to us - though I attend AA and she Al Anon, we go to many conferences and conventions together. After 5 years, we decided to live together and it's been so wonderful - I think she would agree that we've never been a part of such a fulfilling relationship based on mutual respect, absolute honesty, and a focus on our respective spiritual growth. My children adore my GF, and honestly they're the ones that keep suggesting that we should get married. The longer I am with her, the more I fall in love with her.
Understandably, I've been gun-shy about entering another marriage - I always figured I'd cross that bridge once I'd completed my financial support of my children - my track record in relationships was deplorable, previously, which made me extremely cautious about inflicting myself on a new partner. And she felt the same way about her past. We're both in our 40s, she has no children, and mine live many hours away - so it's just us. On the 11th of every month we sit down and have a discussion about how we choose to be with each other - lol we've done this almost 70 times by now.
Anyway, I'm to the point where I feel that a marriage to this wonderful woman is inevitable - maybe not for a few more years but it's definitely tracking that way. We just mesh so well that I don't spend any time imagining a life without her - which for me is unbelievable, considering how I spent 16 years being the most horrible philandering, reckless, and terrifying husband to my ex.
Of course, just because I'm sober and in recovery doesn't mean that I'm fixed - which is why I decided to follow this forum to see how others deal with things.
Anyway, that's enough about me for now.