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Thread: Wife of 30 years is divorcing me Reply to Thread
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Topic Review (Newest First)
03-09-2010 06:56 PM
Notaclue
Re: Wife of 30 years is divorcing me

She is very bitter Cpt., like I made her move out of the house....It was her decision to leave me along with the mortgage payment and all the bills.

She has sent me some "not so nice" text messages. I ignored the last one three days ago and have not heard a word from her since.

I know she is fuming, but she can't expect me not to fight for what is mine. I think there is a lot more to this because she wants a divorce so fast. She accuses me of dragging my feet...gee I wonder why ? I am saddened that she is acting this way, but at this point it's my survival that is at stake.

I am trying to keep positive thoughts and it does get easier when I realize that if she were here now it would be a whole lot worse. I was getting tired of walking on eggshells and having everything I said turned back on me.

One thing I learned is that no matter how much you may think you know your spouse, you probably don't. To paraphrase an old TV show: "Only the Green Hornet knows the evil that lurks in the minds of men".
03-09-2010 04:30 PM
cpt_confused
Re: Wife of 30 years is divorcing me

I think you hit it on the head - the realization of having to do it on their own can be shocking - I know it was for me (I was WAY overwhelmed when the X moved out - but I have some great female friends that helped me out big time) .

I think your wife is alot like my X in terms of attitude.. While my X was never being rude (although she has been very insensitive), if I would have tried to fight her on any of this it would have got ugly.. real ugly. I can already see her being alittle pissy with me now that I tend to care less what she is doing and when she is leaving..

I think that the more your wife starts to go though with this, she has to try and hate you (I don't mean to be harsh), but really.. in order for someone to do the things she has done to you, you cannot feel any good emotions towards that person - how can you smile at someone who your trying to put in the poor house? Just doesn't work... I really think her rude and bitterness are coping mechanisms for her... the bad thing for her is she will regret this when the newness wears off and the reality of everyday life sets in..

Hang in there - try to keep positive thoughts..
03-06-2010 09:22 PM
Notaclue
Re: Wife of 30 years is divorcing me

I hope she finally realizes that it's not "greener" on the other side Cpt. She did finally leave the keys on the counter and I know it really caused her pain, but she has been causing me pain for the last three months.

She was so friendly when she sprung this divorce thing on me way back when, now that time has passed maybe she is seeing how the future may look w/o me taking care of her and doing everything for her.
Maybe she sees living in a 1 bedroom apt with a ton of boxes and stuff isn't so much fun ? Maybe that is why she is acting so bitter and being so rude ?
03-06-2010 08:08 AM
cpt_confused
Re: Wife of 30 years is divorcing me

NC - I kinda agree with AC.. My x was definitely having an EA online and that is what started this whole thing, I can see that now..

But the grass is not always greener on the other side...
03-03-2010 10:11 PM
Notaclue
Re: Wife of 30 years is divorcing me

Thanks AC, I know a few of her friends as well as her brother are divorced and her divorced women friends have always been very bitter towards men. In fact, her very best friend is divorced and I agree that she is some how poisoning the well. Her best friend has been helping her through all of this, so I have an idea that my W is getting pretty bad advice at this point.

AC, you are right something is really wrong - whether it's a crush or an affair ? The way my W is acting I wouldn't be surprised if there is another person waiting in the wings so to speak. It would sure explain a lot of her bizarro behavior. So I guess time will tell if another man surfaces. In the meantime, I'll just try to deal with her on a transactional basis and see what real story is when it finally plays out.

Everytime I say nothing can surprise me at this point, my W finds a way to do it. So I'll wait for the other shoe to drop.
03-03-2010 09:43 PM
Affaircare
Re: Wife of 30 years is divorcing me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Notaclue View Post
In fact today she refused to give me back the keys and the garage door opener. I finally convinced her to give them back tomorrow, so we will see if she does. If not I will have to change the locks tomorrow.
If she gives up the keys and garage door opener that means she has no safety net. She wants to keep thinking she can waltz back in whenever she wants. But no worries--changing locks is easy! Even I can do it, and I'm not exactly "Miss Mechanically Inclined." I'm not afraid of a screwdriver but ... you know?

Quote:
Question I have is why is she acting so insanely ? Her actions sure don't match her words at this point and I'm confused how to deal with her when I have to.
I have a few observations. This is literally purely conjecture but from everything you've written and based on my own experience of more than a decade working with infidelity, I would say at the very least that your wife maybe had a crush on someone, was living a bit of a fantasy of how perfect her life would be, justifying her behavior by projecting blame onto you, and encouraged in these actions by "friends" or "co-workers" who had an affair or a divorce themselves at one point.

It's an odd thing, but over and over again I've seen a spouse suddenly lose their mind and do exactly what is 100% against their character, and very, very often it is because they are involved in an emotional affair, flirting online...that kind of thing. Now I know you may think "no way!" but I've seen it happen time and again, and I would be willing to have a friendly bet that if you left your wife alone, that in not too much time a "male friend" would surface.

Another odd thing I've seen happen over and over is a spouse that gets involved with a group of "friends" either at work or school or whatever, and this group of "friends" is anything BUT friends. They are unfaithful, bitter, angry, divorced or divorcing folks who convince someone who's a little less than thrilled that their marriage is abusive and always has been, etc. Then they tell the spouse "here are the tricks you can pull" like how to file a temporary restraining order against a husband to kick him out of the house and you get the house and alimony.

Soooo...truly I'm just guessing but those would be my guesses.
03-03-2010 09:29 PM
Notaclue
Re: Wife of 30 years is divorcing me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Affaircare View Post
Truth is stranger than fiction....
And honestly? If I were your daughter I'd cut off all contact with "my mom." Her actions toward your daughter are virtually disgusting.
Thanks Cpt and AC for your echoing my thoughts and being a sounding board. I thought it was crazy as could be also, but they are my W's co-workers and friends so I took it at that, although it was highly insensitive to my D. I'll let my D decide what to do on this one.

I told my W today to meet me at the house at noon and I would move all the stuff she wanted in the garage and they could pick up from there but under no circumstances were they allowed in the house. That's how it worked and I haven't mentioned anything to my D as I don't want to upset her even more.

My W was in a very foul mood and was very rude and nasty to me today, so she must be having some type of anger management issues. I am very concerned for her mental health as I think she is losing it ? She is the one that out of the blue wanted the divorce and went and got an Apt when I begged her to stay last month. Now I'm being treated like I kicked her out of the house.

In fact today she refused to give me back the keys and the garage door opener. I finally convinced her to give them back tomorrow, so we will see if she does. If not I will have to change the locks tomorrow. Question I have is why is she acting so insanely ? Her actions sure don't match her words at this point and I'm confused how to deal with her when I have to.
03-03-2010 08:59 PM
Affaircare
Re: Wife of 30 years is divorcing me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Notaclue View Post
Update: My W actually told my daughter that her old 2nd, 4th and 5th grade elementary school teachers were coming over to clean out my wife's stuff tomorrow afternoon. I think my W misjudged how traumatic this will be to my D. My D blew a gasket and said she woud never be able to see these people she admired again as long as she lives. She would be ashamed and embarrassed and was horrified that my W would do such a thing. It hasn't stopped my W in the least. I will be here tomorrow and I've decided to let her old teachers know what they are doing to my D. I can't believe this woman.

ETA: this is so bizarre I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.
Truth is stranger than fiction. You're right if you were making this up you'd never be so bold as to concoct a story like this.

Notaclue, I want you to bear something in mind. The people who were your daughter's teachers may be somewhat caught in the middle. My guess is that they don't intend to hurt your daughter, whereas your wife knows both your daughter and these people and is clearly orchestrating it. To their mind they may be thinking "a co-worker or person I've known for X years asked me to help move" and thought they were doing a good deed. Okay? So don't spread too much anger toward them. Inform them=yes. But aim the anger at them=no. That is squarely on your W's shoulders.

And honestly? If I were your daughter I'd cut off all contact with "my mom." Her actions toward your daughter are virtually disgusting.
03-03-2010 08:31 PM
cpt_confused
Re: Wife of 30 years is divorcing me

NC - now that is a 10 on my weirdsh1t-o-meter....

Your stb-x has lost her mind - truly - It is unfathomable to me what she is doing to your daughter... I am truly sad for her and you..

Things will get better brother - just keep the faith...
03-02-2010 07:03 PM
Notaclue
Re: Wife of 30 years is divorcing me

Update: My W actually told my daughter that her old 2nd, 4th and 5th grade elementary school teachers were coming over to clean out my wife's stuff tomorrow afternoon. I think my W misjudged how traumatic this will be to my D. My D blew a gasket and said she woud never be able to see these people she admired again as long as she lives. She would be ashamed and embarrassed and was horrified that my W would do such a thing. It hasn't stopped my W in the least. I will be here tomorrow and I've decided to let her old teachers know what they are doing to my D. I can't believe this woman.

ETA: this is so bizarre I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.
03-01-2010 06:38 PM
Notaclue
Re: Wife of 30 years is divorcing me

LIL, I only have three to five years to fix the damage she is going to do to me and I have to put my daughter through a private law school in the meantime - 2 more years. I will never make up the difference and will probably retire out in the Nevada desert in a broken down trailer. LOL. My wife said she didn't believe that I couldn't recover. What a joke and a rationalizing lie. She will live the high life and I'll barely just get by. I'll probably take you up on the PM on Wednesday after she gets all her friends over to help her.

Maybe I'll ask my daughter over on Wednesday as my W's friends that are going to strip the house bare were my daughter's elementary school teachers. Lets see how they handle that bite out of the Karma sandwich. On second thought I wouldn't do that to my daughter...but I'd sure like to.
03-01-2010 12:02 AM
lastinline
Re: Wife of 30 years is divorcing me

Truly sucks Notaclue. I am currently sitting right next to you on the bus, except my marriage was only for 18 years. I also have another 25 years to fix the financial damage she's going to do to me. Same exact ending though. Same exact explanation..."I'm done". I believe that is precisely what she said. That and "I'm doing it for the good of the children." WTF woman you never even started, and I am definitely what is best for the children.

Anyway, I thought misery might like a little company Notaclue, so give me a PM if you ever want to just talk.

LIL
02-28-2010 11:29 PM
Affaircare
Re: Wife of 30 years is divorcing me

I agree with CW--get an agreed upon time when you can be there. If she refuses, take time off work and call the police to "escort" if need be. She needs to understand that by leaving, it is no longer a property she can "enter at will" nor can she take "whatever she feels like."

The time should be agreed upon and the items agreed upon. Ideally, pack her items, leave them in the garage in a neat pile, and she has permission to open the garage door and remove that pile ONLY.
02-28-2010 08:47 PM
Corpuswife
Re: Wife of 30 years is divorcing me

Set up an agree upon time, on Wed., to meet her and her friends at the house. If you have any other questions...call your attorney (regarding locks). You have every right to protect yourself.

I agree with you "duh, why wouldn't I trust you?" haha
02-28-2010 07:03 PM
Notaclue
Re: Wife of 30 years is divorcing me

My stb-exw showed up today, a day later than we agreed to btw, to help with the our last joint filing of income taxes.

Before she came over I told myself I'm going to try to remain calm. When I asked her about her plan for removing the remainder of her stuff, she told me that 6 of her friends were coming over on Wed. while I'm at work to help her remove her stuff.


I told her that no way were they to come in the house as I had no idea of what they would do or take. I didn't want them in my house or bedroom looking through my stuff. She accused me of over reacting and asked why I think she would let them take anything.

All I could say was let's see , you told me out of the blue you were divorcing me one or two days after Christmas and then moved out. Then retained a high priced lawyer to try to take all of my money. Gee why would I be so distrustful of you ??

I threatened to change the locks, but I'm not sure if I should do this as we are still in negotiations and I need to play this one cool.

I may just move all the stuff that I think is hers to the garage and take a day off on Wed. I am sure not going to ler her friends into the house at this point. Wonder how she will react. Why in God's name should I trust anything she says at this point. Ideas ?
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