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The Family & Parenting Forums Family dynamics can be exactly that - dynamic! Post here about family related issues such as parenting, blended families, step-families, new relationships with children involved, family of origin issues, in-laws or sibling issues.

Thread: Grandparents returning children on time Reply to Thread
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Topic Review (Newest First)
11-21-2011 10:00 PM
Michelle27
Re: Grandparents returning children on time

Having seen the other thread the OP posted about her husband spitting in her face (and the other past abuse), I can't help but wonder if having CPS check in by might be a blessing...I think the OP should discuss this part of the family dynamic with the worker and there's a possibility the family can get some counseling over this. The whole situation is so sad. :-(
11-09-2011 07:46 AM
Cherry
Re: Grandparents returning children on time

Quote:
Originally Posted by COGypsy View Post

Your mother has done some incredibly hurtful, inappropriate and frankly, illegal things to your family. And it sounds like that's very easy for you to sweep away since she isn't doing exactly the same thing twice. Has she even apologized for any of it? I'm guessing not.
And no, she has never apologized, for anything. I think in her mind she really thinks what she does is okay so no need to apologize as far as she is concerned

Thank you everyone for your insight! I actually called my H last night while he was at work and told him I was sorry for even suggesting I take the kids to see her after what had happened and I even told him that he was right and I was wrong That was hard for me to do. But it is true in this situation.
11-08-2011 11:58 PM
COGypsy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherry View Post
Thank you. The 10k lawsuit was for taking care of me not lawyer fees, bills, doctors stuff, nothing.... I think one of her line items was baby wipes and gas during 5 months. Crazy stuff and certainly no boundaries.
Posted via Mobile Device
That's exactly it--crazy! "Frustrating" would be if she brought up the money she'd given you for gas forever and ever! I know it's hard to see when boundaries are crossed or even where they ought to be when like you said, you've always lived in the middle of that environment. But that's also why I was pretty black and white in outlining it too, even when things hardly ever really shake out that simply.
Posted via Mobile Device
11-08-2011 10:27 PM
tacoma
Re: Grandparents returning children on time

No way Cherry.

She attempted to have your kids removed from you.

She`d never lay eyes on her grandkids again if she were my mother.

Stand by your husband.
11-08-2011 09:20 PM
Cherry
Quote:
Originally Posted by COGypsy View Post
I think your 17-year old is more than old enough to find her own ways to see her siblings. To me, just hearing that her $10k lawsuit against you is "frustrating" and that the result of her false report was some "tense emails", really indicates a lack of boundaries with your mother, which is probably a part of what your husband is reacting to.

Your mother has done some incredibly hurtful, inappropriate and frankly, illegal things to your family. And it sounds like that's very easy for you to sweep away since she isn't doing exactly the same thing twice. Has she even apologized for any of it? I'm guessing not.

I think there are two key things to look at here. Who is your loyalty to? Is it your job to appease your mother or is it your job to build a strong and healthy family with your husband? As part of that, what kind of example are you setting with these choices? It looks to me like if you go to lunch, you show your kids that people can do whatever they want to you as long as they buy you something after. Granted, that's probably oversimplifying it, but that's the general idea.


Thank you. The 10k lawsuit was for taking care of me not lawyer fees, bills, doctors stuff, nothing.... I think one of her line items was baby wipes and gas during 5 months. Crazy stuff and certainly no boundaries.
Posted via Mobile Device
11-08-2011 06:56 PM
that_girl
Re: Grandparents returning children on time

It's easy. Cease all contact.

I did it. She asked why, I said I need space. that was that.

I avoid her calls, emails, etc.
11-08-2011 06:55 PM
Cherry
Re: Grandparents returning children on time

I'm in that very early stage of trying to break this cycle with her. My H getting upset with me over this helped me to step back and ask why he would be upset... lol, I'm use to it - been happening all my life. But I also lost my 17 year old to that woman 6 years ago for her "being there for me" and listening to her BS - way long story. But my H knows that situation and can clearly see what she's doing, especially by calling Child Protective Services. Sometimes we're blind to people treating us bad if that's all we've known.
Posted via Mobile Device
11-08-2011 06:43 PM
that_girl
Re: Grandparents returning children on time

Also, if your husband is pissed, that's a no brainer.

Side with him.

They are his kids too. Don't show any division on that. Just my 2cents.
11-08-2011 06:41 PM
COGypsy
Re: Grandparents returning children on time

I think your 17-year old is more than old enough to find her own ways to see her siblings. To me, just hearing that her $10k lawsuit against you is "frustrating" and that the result of her false report was some "tense emails", really indicates a lack of boundaries with your mother, which is probably a part of what your husband is reacting to.

Your mother has done some incredibly hurtful, inappropriate and frankly, illegal things to your family. And it sounds like that's very easy for you to sweep away since she isn't doing exactly the same thing twice. Has she even apologized for any of it? I'm guessing not.

I think there are two key things to look at here. Who is your loyalty to? Is it your job to appease your mother or is it your job to build a strong and healthy family with your husband? As part of that, what kind of example are you setting with these choices? It looks to me like if you go to lunch, you show your kids that people can do whatever they want to you as long as they buy you something after. Granted, that's probably oversimplifying it, but that's the general idea.
11-08-2011 06:27 PM
that_girl
Re: Grandparents returning children on time

People who behave this way CANNOT be given an inch or they WILL TAKE a mile. I learned that with my mom. She respects NONE of my boundaries and so I decided she isn't allowed in my life at this time. It's hard to do initially, but by doing so, you take back power and are more able to stick to it.

Even when I brought to her attention the things she does that bother me, or insult me, she dismissed them and said I was "oversensitive" just like she's done my whole life.

I'm too old for this crap. i wouldn't accept it from a friend, I will not accept it from my mother. Hopefully she'll learn, but until then, she is persona non grada.
11-08-2011 06:24 PM
Cherry
Re: Grandparents returning children on time

Thank you TG. I value your input as a poster. I've "seen" you around. And on some levels we think a lot alike.
Posted via Mobile Device
11-08-2011 06:06 PM
that_girl
Re: Grandparents returning children on time

My children would have NOTHING to do with her after that mess. No way. Psycho. And I thought MY mom was bad.
11-08-2011 06:04 PM
Cherry
Re: Grandparents returning children on time

Just thinking out loud.. the irony here is that here's a woman who has held grudge after grudge after grudge against my H over the years. And she has not forgiven my H for more than a year now over the whole divorce debacle. And she wants to see my kids after a mere 3 weeks since she pulled the whole not returning my kids on time and calling CPS. The consequence my H faces from wronging me, from nearly my entire family, is them shunning him, and my moms consequence is gonna be seeing my kids this weekend? Hardly seems fair. Am I off base on this, am I thinking wrong? :-(


P.S. my H is pretty pissed, is that is point? I dunno, he's at work right now.
Posted via Mobile Device
11-08-2011 04:15 PM
Cherry
Re: Grandparents returning children on time

Quote:
Originally Posted by golfergirl View Post
To answer question - I agree with husband. Had it been the failure to return on time - hmmmm I could see your side, but CPS? She needs to feel consequence of that one. That's seriously effing with your family!
Posted via Mobile Device
Yes, the CPS part is the kicker in all this
11-08-2011 04:13 PM
Cherry
Re: Grandparents returning children on time

Yes, my 17 year old lives with my mom. My mom and my 17 year old are going to a college town together to look at this house for my 17 year old and they want me to see it as well and bring our twins. I really do see my H's side and I am also very angry with my mom, but I also feel very sorry for her... I'm afraid that's clouding my judgement on this whole thing, I have a few days before I have to make a decision, so I'm trying to get other thoughts on this. Thanks!
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