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Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

Thread: How long were you apart before reconciling? Reply to Thread
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  Topic Review (Newest First)
11-02-2016 12:17 PM
Habakkuk
Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shoeguy View Post
Well I'm just over 6 months divorced and having terrible trouble with the whole situation. I needed six months to clear the fog but ex-wife has either moved on or doesn't feel her fog has lifted. Moved out Feb and tried to open lines of communication weeks ago. Although we are now talking basically everyday it is only surface stuff and not addressing our feelings. I guess that is a start.

She keeps giving me mixed signals. I will do my best to give her space but it is the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. I try and think of other things but can not seem to break the cycle yet.

I still have strong feelings for her and I predict she is going to be really hurt soon with our seconds childs birthday and then the holidays coming up. She has no family near and my family has started considering her a friend and has expressed feelings that she will not be welcome during those traditional family times.

I guess I have to sit on the sidelines, work on me and see what happens.
We were married for 19 years and together 22.
The info you provided is great insight, I myself am in a similar situation. Your post connected with me and could use some support as well, give me a call brother, we could help each other. I have been thinking about building an alliance for all of us men/or women that are going through these difficult times. Something of a support system, Christian based where we could all help each other and also share our stories of how divorce effects the families it destroys. This is something very strong in my heart and want to help others. Anyone else who reads this feel free to call as well, let's unite and end this horrible concept of divorce that is taking our world by storm and we are accepting it. This has to be challenged by Faith,Hope,and Love.
Allen
214-886-1103
09-08-2016 06:32 AM
Jay83
Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Quote:
Originally Posted by hibiscus View Post
The fact that my partner was consistently remorseful. He is doing whatever he can to reassure me that he is committed.. Shows compassion and understanding when I am in pain, willing to do councelling, pays me a lot of attention, tals about his shame and regret for cheating on me. All of this helped me to decide to give him a chance
same situation I am in with my wife. If she didn't show the remorse she has then I would never have even given it a second thought. She's not blamed anyone but herself, but I also realise that I wasn't the most attentive husband in the months leading up to the affair.
09-08-2016 06:28 AM
Jay83
Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

We were separated for a few months. The problem was she never actually fully let me go.

Reconciliation has been a about four weeks now and after all that has happened we actually feel and seem stronger than ever now.

The difference I made was to stay calm, listen and then talk about the problems that caused our separation and then listened to how she felt through it all and reassured her that we were going to come out of this stronger and wiser from both our mistakes. And she mirrored my behaviour.
09-07-2016 08:34 AM
farsidejunky
Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

@LoveBuggsMama, this thread is from 2012.

I would encourage you to start your own thread and tell your story in detail in order to get the most help from this place. I'm sorry for the situation you are in.
Posted via Mobile Device
09-07-2016 07:07 AM
aine
Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

First time, 3.5 months, he didn't say we were going to separate but left right after I gave birth. He he came back because his parents house was no longer available as they returned from a long trip overseas and we couldn't afford to run two houses. Very functional, kids very young, me very tired, so went along with it. If I had been on TAM I may have done things very differently. But you live and learn.


Second time, 6 weeks or so. He begged to come back, said he was changing, doing all he could to change, IC, MC AA etc. He said he wanted to make it work. I didn't believe him per se but do see he is trying for the most part, but there is alot of work to be done and maybe we will get there.
09-06-2016 06:17 PM
LoveBuggsMama
Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Quote:
Originally Posted by yourbabygirl View Post
evian123 -- thanks for your story. My husband has left me more than 2 weeks ago and so far the single life for him has been nothing short of a euphoria, while I suffer in agony longing for him beside me. I was wrong at first by begging and pleading him. Now, I am letting him get all the space and time and it is still too early to see any signs of him regretting what he has done. But I am really, really praying that this euphoria will wear off and he will soon realise that marriage is not really the problem in general - or if ever it is, it's not something we cannot find a solution to. I am still his wife loving him from afar.
I know this is like 5 years later but if theres a chance you still check this...how did things work out? Did your husbands euphoria wear off? My husband is in the same place and I am in yours. We've been separated for 3.5 months now and have a child together. He's now broke to the point where he literally has $7 to last him the next two weeks and has asked me to help him with finances. Im hoping this is him getting close to rock bottom but I wanted to know how your situation played out and how long it took your husband to come around
05-07-2013 11:04 AM
whitehawk
Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cisco7931 View Post
I'm at a stage right now of confusion if I still want to give it a shot or not. My wife has moved on tremendously fast and she said (I knew through mutual friends) that she has been hanging on for dear life for the past 3 years and I didnt even know...

I have those days of "Yes, I will do anything and try until I die to get her back and save the marriage", and "Hell no, unless she stops stepping on my dignity I wont"...

There are also days that I'm not even sure if I want to go back even if she wants to...

This may just be a phase of separation that we all need to go through...

Ours is a month long now and it is getting easier everyday for me... I guess I just have to make that one decision with no turning back.

That bs makes me that fkg angry , she says you didn't even know .
Notice when it's them - faking it , not talking to us about how they're feeling, we're suppose to have known.

But if they can't figure us out - it's because we won't talk about it.
So were in the wrong for not talking about it and for not reading their minds and signals but when they can't do that with us - it's still our fault.
Dunno how many effing times I've read that.
05-07-2013 02:33 AM
Now and forever
Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

My H and I were were together for 19 yrs married 12. We were best friends. Never fought. He had a very hard stressful year last year. Work. Loss of pets. I ca,e go,e from work on the 12/1 and he told me he wanted to seperate. Since that day he has been shut off. There is no other woman. After six weeks of trying to live with him. I had to leave our home. He is angry at me for leaving, but he was telling me he did love me and he did not want to get back together. He turnt 40. He will not talk to me and will not return messages. For the first 8 weeks I begged and pleaded with him to talk. But he would only get angry. Wouldn't return messages. This is a man who had never raised his voice before, couldn't talk to friends and family without getting defensive and angry. I had a nervous breakdown. Four weeks afo i decided to rake some time off work and fo away for some time away to let the dust settle and I have not heard from him at all. And I have not attempted to contact him. It's been 4 months since separation. There is still no other woman. His sister just tells me he is being very quiet and just working. Spiritually I feel that this is not over and he is just on a journey. So hurt and confused.
03-28-2013 12:08 PM
gssteve
Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

we have been separated for 3 months now with a 2 yr old son. it hurts so bad that my fiance doesn't want to reconcile at the moment. I took a better paying job (not what i wanted), about to close escrow on a home, switched to a less expensive car, and gave up a lot for her and my son. It's like she turned cold completely after being so excited about moving out of in laws. There's no OM i know for sure. i want my family together and raise our son....
03-10-2013 07:59 AM
Solon
Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Love the success stories!! Keep them going.

Quote:
Originally Posted by daisygirl 41 View Post
I also did this, it didn't go down well with some of the TAM crowd and won't work for every situation but I knew if I didn't continue to show H love and acceptance despite the pain I endured I knew it would just push him further away.
Just be careful and try not to let yourself open to any more hurt and neglect
For me it worked, H and I have been reconciled for neat a year now and we have both continued with the changes and the positive steps to ensure out marriage is (almost) bulletproof.
Good luck
Posted via Mobile Device
03-07-2013 08:11 AM
daisygirl 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by RonHanh View Post
What you did here is exactly the strategy that Mort Fertel endorses in his Marriage Fitness program which is basically this: change yourself to address the issues about yourself that led to the separation meanwhile showing your spouse unconditional love. I'm in the program now and it is the hardest thing I've ever done since my wife is obstinate and doesn't want to work on the marriage. But I'm finding inspiration in the bible and Mort's program -- hopefully my ending will be as happy as yours.
I also did this, it didn't go down well with some of the TAM crowd and won't work for every situation but I knew if I didn't continue to show H love and acceptance despite the pain I endured I knew it would just push him further away.
Just be careful and try not to let yourself open to any more hurt and neglect
For me it worked, H and I have been reconciled for neat a year now and we have both continued with the changes and the positive steps to ensure out marriage is (almost) bulletproof.
Good luck
Posted via Mobile Device
03-06-2013 11:13 AM
hibiscus
Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Quote:
Originally Posted by anapple View Post
I left my HB for 1yr

were still working on it

working it out for our son because we both grew up in a broken home and we never want our child to go threw that and also we still love each other and want to make this marriage work
Hope it works out for you
03-05-2013 11:09 PM
anapple
Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

I left my HB for 1yr

were still working on it

working it out for our son because we both grew up in a broken home and we never want our child to go threw that and also we still love each other and want to make this marriage work
02-25-2013 10:55 PM
RonHanh
Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Quote:
Originally Posted by yourbabygirl View Post
After 3 months, 5 days, and 8 hours -- MY husband has decided to come back and be with me forever.

I hated everything about the separation and there wasn't a single moment that I didn't wish I have my husband back. I didn't want to do the 180 -- I CAN'T. I just missed him so badly.

And so instead of moving on, I did the opposite. I showed him more love and affection than before, I showed him that I have changed and I'm just purely loving him with no expectations in return. It wasn't easy. Most of the time, he would just floor me and tell me that he doesn't love me and ask me to leave him alone. There was even a point when he doesn't even want to be friends - he was being a jerk just so I leave him alone.

But I didn't. I CAN'T... I kept faith. I just continued to show him that I love him.

Yesterday, we had a serious talk and YES -- he is coming back!! :smthu mbup:

So, it's really possible.. I wouldn't advise this to everyone else, because it's truly not easy and there are people who just wants to move on with their lives and find someone else. But in case, you really love your partner and you are willing to take this path, then I would say that it's truly worth all of it...

You can read my thread at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...giving-up.html and you can see that most people have told me to move on.. I was stubborn.. I CAN'T. I love my husband so much..
What you did here is exactly the strategy that Mort Fertel endorses in his Marriage Fitness program which is basically this: change yourself to address the issues about yourself that led to the separation meanwhile showing your spouse unconditional love. I'm in the program now and it is the hardest thing I've ever done since my wife is obstinate and doesn't want to work on the marriage. But I'm finding inspiration in the bible and Mort's program -- hopefully my ending will be as happy as yours.
02-25-2013 07:01 PM
Kaya62003
Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Quote:
Originally Posted by hibiscus View Post
The fact that my partner was consistently remorseful. He is doing whatever he can to reassure me that he is committed.. Shows compassion and understanding when I am in pain, willing to do councelling, pays me a lot of attention, tals about his shame and regret for cheating on me. All of this helped me to decide to give him a chance
I wish you luck!
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