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06-19-2014 11:17 AM
Re: My SAHM wife is a slob!

Originally Posted by Nikita2270 View Post
Are you kidding me?

I'm a working mom. When my kids were little, I worked 60 hour weeks and my house was spotless....always has been.
Were your kids in the house all day while you were working 60 hours a week?

Nevermind, it doesn't matter. I see from the rest of your post that you must be quite a charming person to engage in a discussion with.
06-17-2014 09:09 PM
Re: My SAHM wife is a slob!

Do it yourself, and learn to deal with it.

Nothing, and I mean nothing will sow the seeds of resentment faster than your wife feeling like you expect her to be the house cleaner.
Are you kidding me?

I'm a working mom. When my kids were little, I worked 60 hour weeks and my house was spotless....always has been. I clean as I go.

I generally pre-freeze my meals on weekends so dinner gets on the table when I get home from work.

Its perfectly reasonable to expect to have a clean, organized home. If she can't get off her butt to clean...then tell her to go to work and earn a living.

You are out earning a living and she's too lazy to pick up a vacuum cleaner in the 8 hours you're gone? I think that's bull.

Personally, I would never put up with having to support any grown adult but since you have a dependent living in your house...she might as well be expected to do the bare minimum and clean the house. Anything else is ridiculous.

By the way: The easiest way to keep your house clean is to keep it very organized. Organizing is a skill but you can find help for professional organizers online who might help get her started. You need to set your expectations for your marriage and make sure you guys are both in agreement. In my opinion, she's been extremely lazy, ungrateful and is taking advantage of you. You need to get clear with her on the rules of her not contributing financially.
06-17-2014 10:01 AM
Re: My SAHM wife is a slob!

Zombie thread alert...

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06-17-2014 09:54 AM
Re: My SAHM wife is a slob!

Personally, I was a massive slob back when I was a single mom. Since meeting my husband, moving out of reduced housing, and having our second child, I would like to think I have gotten SO much better at cleaning.

Every woman struggles with something, for me it's dishes and laundry. I am a SAHM but also a work at home mom. I could go deeper into my situation, but I have plenty of reasons why I can be lazy, some also has to do with surroundings.

I think she'll learn at her own pace and eventually get sick of it herself, or it may just be too difficult for her. I am very far off to where I would like to be, but I do know that if my husband called me lazy and a slob, I would be greatly offended. She knows what she is, whatever colorful words she decides to use to describe herself is her choice.

I think in a nutshell, I commend you for sticking with her, picking a messy woman to love, because we often have the BEST personalities! LOL You've gotten a maid, but in the grand scheme of things, I don't let clutter or mess ruin my outlook on life. It'll all be gone when you leave this world, so spend time with your children and wife and take it day by day.
02-27-2012 10:42 AM
Re: My SAHM wife is a slob!

Do it yourself, and learn to deal with it.

Nothing, and I mean nothing will sow the seeds of resentment faster than your wife feeling like you expect her to be the house cleaner.

I am with you on this in some ways. I feel like my wife is a slob too sometimes - our house is always a disaster and if I try to take care of one of her piles of crap - she runs over saying 'I'll do it, I just havent got to it yet!". Total packrat. She acuses me of wanting to live 'in a museum'. (rolleyes).

What I have come to believe though - is that taking care of a couple of kids is pretty demanding - and they are like walking hurricanes. It simply never ends. The idea that a SAHM 'has it pretty good' is something of an illusion, though you say you have a maid and a nanny to boot... so yeah - she has it a bit easier than many.

I'm sort of with 'Runs with a Dog' on this.

If I were you, I would makea little extra effort to do some things yourself simply to illustrate how important it is you you *beyond* simply having the expectation that she do it. Try not to pout because I bet she will see you doing these things as a passive accusation and in that sense it is a no-win scenario. Maybe she will play along. She should. Also make sure and give her a little positive feedback on the things does do.

Having a disaster in the house makes me nuts - but I wonder how different it would be if I was the SAHD and she worked full time? I'm not so sure it would be terribly different, so I try to cut her more than a little slack. I know she is doing the best she can, and she is not lazy. Her priorities differ a little from mine - of course... but I have learned to accept it to some extent. I could easily turn it into a relationship threatening conflict, but I have decided its not worth it.
02-27-2012 09:42 AM
Re: My SAHM wife is a slob! that age, it varies....I have a 27 month old who used to nap all of the time, and now he refuses, and probably has been refusing since he was about 18 months old....
02-26-2012 04:32 PM
Runs like Dog
Re: My SAHM wife is a slob!

If you're not going to clean it yourself or hire someone to do it get used to kicking stuff out of the way. This is a battle you cannot win.
02-26-2012 02:39 PM
Re: My SAHM wife is a slob!

happytitan, is is seriously eerie how similar your story is to mine. I know that my SAHM wife is a good mom to our 2 boys (ages 4 & 1) but I also know that she spends a significant amount of time each day (1) watching DVR'd reality shows, (2) reads smutty romance novels, (3) works out religiously, and (4) bakes cakes and cupcakes for any occasion.

I can assure you that I can keep my house clean with just a few minutes each day, and I have a demanding job that keeps me out of the house about 50 hours more than my wife.

I have tried to live with it but it stresses me out. I have heart problems but that doesnt seem to phase my wife.

I am resentful because during weeknights and weekends I clean up after everyone which keeps me from spending quality time with my family and keeps me from working out or taking a much needed nap.

I fantasize about living in a clean house but I wouldnt ever actually do that because of the costs and because I can't stand to be away from my kids more than I already am.

If you find a solution, I'd be all ears. Good luck.
12-23-2011 02:10 AM
Re: My SAHM wife is a slob!

I think you need to sit her down when she is not so defensive. Explain to her you realize you are not perfect by any means either. I think if you maybe approach her a different way it "might" help.

Try to google a housekeeping list to help. Maybe chip in just a little more to help the house run smoother too. By all means do not drive yourself crazy over this. She will either be open to change or she won't. Personally I think she is full of excuses but that is just my opinion.

A lot of daycare centers get children as young as a year to begin helping to put toys up. Teaching the lesson of we pick up or put things aways when done. If your wife doesn't lead by example or change a a few years you are going to have your child doing the same exact thing.
12-22-2011 10:01 PM
Re: My SAHM wife is a slob!

Wow! I could only wish for a nanny and a housekeeper to come in and clean my bathrooms and do most of the deep cleaning once a week. While my kids are older now (7,9, and 12), I've always kept a pretty clean house. I agree that your wife is either WAY too into the baby or just being lazy. While it is difficult to keep up with toddlers, it isn't impossible. As far as cabinets go and dragging things out, where are your baby locks? Such wonderful inventions that have saved me a lot of time and frustration over the years.

My day yesterday (not today because I have had a migraine)
6:45- wake up, kids on bus and get ready for work
4:00- off of work and a 1/2 hour drive home
4:30- home and talking with my kids about day at school and about their Christmas parties.
Rest of the evening, I did 2 loads of laundry, bathed our 95lb lab that decided to roll in mud after being left outside for too long by herself (we live in the country), cooked a homemade dinner, picked up the entire house, did more laundry, scrubbed the bathroom from bathing the dog, clipped her nails, did some homework for myself, put away laundry and still managed to be in a great mood when my hubby walked in the door after 12 hours!

I discovered when my kids were little that if I kept the television and computer off that I could get quite a bit more accomplished throughout my day. I would DVR the shows that I wanted to watch and spent my mornings doing a load of laundry (if I did one each day it never got backed up and I always folded and put it away immediately), and doing general cleaning up that the day went much either. I blocked off areas of the house that I didn't want my children messing up with wonderful inventions called baby gates! If I had errands to run, guess what, the kids went with me! Imagine that! All of this while dealing with a hubby that was constantly deployed or away at training while he was in the Army. There was no assistance or help during these times.

Thankfully, my hubby is home now and when he doesn't work 12 hours is fantastic about helping out with chores, laundry and errands. Also, I'm a firm believer in chores once children are old enough to help, but even 2 year olds can pick up their own toys.

We tell our children that we aren't the only ones that eat, wear clothes, use the restroom and those types of things and that it isn't fair that Dad and I have to clean up all of it. Chores never hurt me when I was small and I learned to be self-sufficient when I moved out and how to keep a clean house.

I agree that some people are just not naturally clean or organized, but you shouldn't have to work 12 hours and come home to an absolute mess. Our final rule is that we do not go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink, it makes for a rough morning around here and who wants to get up to a destroyed kitchen with nasty dishes everywhere.

I think your wife just needs to learn better time management skills, no, it doesn't have to be spotless, but it shouldn't be a disaster either, that's not fair to you after working all day.
12-22-2011 05:09 PM
Re: My SAHM wife is a slob!

Yea, it gets overwhelming when the kids are under 2.5 LOL You put things away, turn around and they are pulling shet back out.

Makes you want to lose your mind!!!!

But she has a maid and a nanny I work full time and do it all...some days I don't do shet. Oh well. But you gotta learn to spread it out. Different chores of different days...load of laundry a day. It's doable.

To the OP, have you stayed home with the little one all day (9 hours) by yourself? If not, just try it and see how much you get done. Not trying to be snarky, but it's easy to say someone is "lazy" if you haven't tried it. dealing with a little person overwhelms some people. Maybe she feels like she should give all her attention to the kiddo and feels guilty when doing other things?
12-22-2011 04:12 PM
Re: My SAHM wife is a slob!

She needs to learn the trick

About 45minutes before hubs gets home, I do the "house check"and tidy up. I get dinner in the oven and all is well by the time he gets home.

It's easier now that the kids are growing up-- things stay cleaner longer. But when our youngest was small, it was the 45 minutes before hubs got home

Folding laundry was done before 11. I would do a load a day so it wouldn't pile up. I still do that. Which reminds me...

She should dust some flour on her forehead for an added bonus
12-22-2011 02:11 PM
Runs like Dog
Re: My SAHM wife is a slob!

The way I look at it - I don't have the time. You don't have the ability or the desire. So go find some Russian or Honduran of questionable residency status and pay her to do it. Whatever you spend on that has got to be better than listening to me tell you all this sh^t is f^cked up.
12-22-2011 08:48 AM
Re: My SAHM wife is a slob!

Wow lots of I can do it all types in here. Just because you can doesn't mean everyone else can.

To the OP, hopefully you can get to the root of whats going on with her. Or as someone else mentioned sometimes you need to accept people for who they are, flaws and all. if you feel you can't then find out whats a deal breaker for you and move on.
12-22-2011 07:22 AM
Chelle D
Re: My SAHM wife is a slob!

Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
Here is a website that I really like.

The Flylady teaches people who to clean the house and keep it that way.

I used the site a lot when my kids were younger.. .it really helped.
Thank you so much for sharing this EleGirl. Looks like it's something I need & could help me tremendously!! (I hope, i really really hope.)
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