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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

Thread: thinking of getting a sex partner whilst married Reply to Thread
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Topic Review (Newest First)
03-03-2012 06:36 AM
brendan
Re: thinking of getting a sex partner whilst married

thank am concentrating on daughter...she is moving out next week not far away.

very sad, but had to happen. we are having aughter 50/50.
we are being very nice to eachother at this stage and helping eachothr through t which i really respect her for that.

but fear she will play dirty like a lot of women do very soon, and have already over heard her friends on the phone say take him for everything hes got.
02-24-2012 08:37 AM
Chaparral
Re: thinking of getting a sex partner whilst married

Divorce: Is it the Answer? - Focus on the Family

Did you buy the book at

Married Man Sex Life
02-23-2012 09:23 PM
brendan
Re: thinking of getting a sex partner whilst married

we did this and have been getting on as friends well, but she said its over as she cant trust me after 2 weeks of sex mesaging, pleeeaaasseee - we had bigger problems than that one being the NO SEX.

on a different note i had a few beers with some boys last night and we spoke abotu how much sex they get, these guys were all ages and sizes from 18years old till 65. And they all get more or less nothing now. I couldnt believe it.

my mate who is 21 and been with girlfriend for 3 years only gets sex once a month (what the).

Ant the boys who were 50 and been married 25 years said about once very 2 to 3 months.....i was shocked.

i thougt i was like the only one, like once ever six months. whats wrong with these women. most are happily married but no sex.hmmm
02-20-2012 02:16 AM
brendan
Re: thinking of getting a sex partner whilst married

yes true - although hard to look at it like that at this stage.

counsellor wants us in next couple of days to write dot points on what we want when we split or what was needed if we try and be friends under the house for a while which she believes will not work and doesnt normally work.

by what we want i dont mean belongings i mean, who is to move out and when and responsibilities with daughter/work/bills etc.
02-16-2012 09:10 PM
Chaparral
Re: thinking of getting a sex partner whilst married

The good news is you are now on the road to finding a woman who knows what love means.
02-16-2012 08:31 PM
Zzyzx
Re: thinking of getting a sex partner whilst married

Sorry to hear that your wife has chosen to deprive your daughter of her father at least some of the time rather than work on her end of the marriage. I know you did not want to go down that road, but it is what it is. Best wishes for an amicable divorce.
02-16-2012 06:25 PM
brendan
Re: thinking of getting a sex partner whilst married

Counselling yesterday all but ended our marriage and the last 30mins was on how to sperate nicely and try to remain friends for childs sake.

A lot came out and she grilled us but was needed,

+ counsellor appologises for not talking abotut he sexless marriage issue earlier on.
+Counsellor says sex 5 times 3 years is very unhealthy and even though i had a 2 week cyber sex, sex text messaging thing with a girl the fact i never strayed in the last three years shows that i love my wife(hearing that was refreashing)

+ she asked wife if she think she could forgive me ever for text messasing cyber sex cheating, wife said NO

+ asked wife if marriage is over in her opinion, she says YES

+ Counsellor started to grill my wife which was good saying a lot of her excuses were not valid. eg. now she thinks she cant have sex because she is getting fat, Shes put on weight but only 80k.g. Counsellor says no offence to my wife but this is crap as i have a lot of fat girls on the books and they have sex like rabbits.

+said since counselling started 3/4 months ago she feels brendan has made more of an effort to change things that wife.

+the fact that we dont even snuggle in bed or kiss and cuddle is not very good at all as even the couples shes counselled that fight non stop always seem to forgive when in bed and cuddle up, says the ones that cuddle up at night in bed after argument are ones that survive.

+ wants us to prepare for breakup, wants one to move out if theres no more chance of us getting back together and preferably me in the hobby farm house as its high maintance and wife couldnt do daily chores, but wife says she will manage. to start with counsellor wants us to live close by for daughters sake.

+said there is no more she can do to save marriage and its up to us now but feels it may be over too, wants us to write a list of what the other person wants in the next few months eg. moving out/where to live etc and exhancge with eachother in a few days.

+says wife still has bad depression and wants her to see another specialist for a one off, says she is not over child hood issues. says im a concrete solid guy.

then i went to work and drove home in tears. will check in later then back in a few days....got to stay positive with my life though.
02-16-2012 02:31 AM
Diolay
Re: thinking of getting a sex partner whilst married

If there is one thing I have noticed too is that people who put more emphisis ontheir social life, GNO etc, seem to do more damage than porn or any other thing. Even affairs. While these things seem to cause damage to relationships, it is often curable as both sides are more attentive to working it out. (This is apart from serial cheats).

However, party animals rarely admit they are the problem. That what they are doing is neglecting their partner. In their eyes, they seem to see it as they are spending time with their partner and doing their part in cementing the relationship. WHile in some circles, this may work, in many cases it doesn't.

One partner has a tendancy to feel that the person they are with is enough. They want to settle down, start a family and fall into the role of Mr and Mrs Citizen. The other partner isn't ready for this life and enjoy the bright lights, loud music and the social company of many friends. For them, friends become more important than their partner and place them first.

As the ressentment builds in one of the partners, the resistance grows stronger. The party animal begins to feel trapped and suffocates while the other partner feels neglected.

Once this happens, the relationship is doomed.
02-15-2012 05:37 PM
brendan
Re: thinking of getting a sex partner whilst married

thats right diolay.

two sides two every story....

eg. wife wants to go out nightclubbing this saturday night and me have daughter. i said this is bull****, you always go out on my weekends off. so she tells her friends im angry thats she going out and now friends think im a sook, doesnt explain im angry the fact its always on my weekend offf.....

anyway, we are off to our possibly last marriage counsellor session today, a 2 hour session. everything has to come out. but we are both not wearing our rings now and all but over. will be interesting.

i do love my wife, well the one i was with for 4 years before marriage day. we do live a pretty cruisey life but not healthy as married couple. i want it to work but dont think it will whilst she has this depression and world is against me attitude and in a sexless marriage
02-14-2012 05:50 AM
warlock07
Re: thinking of getting a sex partner whilst married

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sleepless_in_Vancouver View Post
You are being self centered. Your needs are no more important than hers. You might feel your need is more realistic, but that does not matter. If your wife needed you to dress up as a hamburger and let her pour ketchup on you, it's still a need.

Think about your kids and your marriage. Your daughter does not deserve to be abandon because your wife is stubborn and you can't control your ****. (You still deserve to get your needs met- just not by makibg your daughter suffer.) Crawl back to her on your knees and beg her to go to counseling with you. Don't make excuses for what you did- you did it out of your own free will because you were selfish. If you knew the pain a divorce would cause your children, you would be in tears knowing you hurt then so much. Even though your wife is beubg a ***** to you, you still loved her once.

Find time to take your wife out to a club this weekend. You're going to go as much as she wants. Tell her all you expect in return is that she tries to have sex when she's comfortable. Dance dirty with her and flirt with her. Be nice to her friends and be involved with whatever group you are in, but pay special attention to her. Afterwards, ask her if thete's anything she wants to do and do it with her. (Movies, late night dinner, shopping, etc.) Then when you get home, tell her you miss seeing her happy and you want her to be happy again. Offer a massage or a shower. She might want to have sex after this, but don't ask for it or pressure her (best if you don't mention it at all). She will eventually.

The rest of the time, quit nagging her. Ask her politely for help doing housework. For example, if you're doing the dishes and she's on the computer, come behind her and massage her shoulders and say "honey would you help me with the dishes? I just want to talk, it's lonely in the kitchen." And just chat with her and have fun doing something together- I suggest getting in a water fight, because idk why but water fights and mud fights really people relax and sometimes leads to sex- but don't ask for it and don't get disappointed when you don't get it.

Then you need to apologize to your kids (can't remember if it's just your daughter or you have more). You almost tore apart their home and betrayed their mother for sex. Tnei don't deserve that. Take them and your wife our to do something fun. Depending on how old they are, you can ask them if they could do anything what would they do, then no matter what it is do it. I've heard that this is something marriage counselors use.

When you finally do have sex, be thankful. Tell her you want sex to be fun for her. What I did for my boyfriend is ask him what his fantasies were in the heat of the moment and said I want to fulfill all of them. We ended up sharing some of our deepest, darkest fantasies and having amazing passionate sex. This is after I just discovered he had been watching porn for almost a year behind my back and he found emails between me and a guy I met on craigslist to hook up with for sex and I had sex anxiety and having sex with me made him nervous. Now it's great. If we can do it, you can do it.
Posted via Mobile Device
Your post reeks of utter right wing feminism. Sex is an integral part of a marriage. He should not have to jump through hooplas to have sex with his wife. That guy had sex 5 times in 3 years!! Haven't you read his posts at all?

Quote:
Your daughter does not deserve to be abandon because your wife is stubborn and you can't control your ****.
Saying this is utter immaturity and lack of empathy on your part. Especially from YOU!!!
02-13-2012 11:53 PM
Diolay
Re: thinking of getting a sex partner whilst married

It's really impossible to give exact advice here without hearing from theother side. Always 2 sides to every storey, but if what you're saying is true, this marriage is doomed.

The only thing that's keeping you together is Brenden. If you don't call it quits, she will. It's only a matter of time and who gets in first.

My suggestion is you be the first one. (It will probably come as a relief to her anyway). That way, you'll regain your self esteem and take back control of your life.

As for Sleepless, she's being sarcastic. A mini ha haa if you like. Please don't take her too serious.
02-13-2012 11:20 PM
Chaparral
Re: thinking of getting a sex partner whilst married

Quote:
Originally Posted by brendan View Post
she doesnt and hasnt used birth control for a year, doesnt need too.
The reason I asked is there was a thread here about a long term birth control med that completely wiped out a wifes sex drive. Even after it was stopped.
02-13-2012 08:55 PM
brendan
Re: thinking of getting a sex partner whilst married

she doesnt and hasnt used birth control for a year, doesnt need too.
02-13-2012 07:38 PM
tacoma
Re: thinking of getting a sex partner whilst married

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sleepless_in_Vancouver View Post
If your wife needed you to dress up as a hamburger and let her pour ketchup on you, it's still a need.
Is it wrong that I find this strangely exciting?

02-13-2012 07:34 PM
Chaparral
Re: thinking of getting a sex partner whilst married

You may have answered this already but what type of birth control does she use?

Have you been here?

Married Man Sex Life
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