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Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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Topic Review (Newest First)
01-25-2012 06:15 AM
Sparkles422
Re: Rollercoaster

Yes. Closure is wonderful because it is just that.

But sometimes we can't get it because of the other person's guilt, anger, shame whatever. And that is when it is hard on us. We have to do it ourselves.

And so, we pray, share, therapy, journal and seek until it finds us. But I think the key is to be active in the seeking or it may take a longer time. We don't want to squander our precious time.

Action is the key.
01-24-2012 11:41 PM
nice777guy
Quote:
Originally Posted by notreadytoquit View Post
I guess I have to join occasionally this rollercoaster, even though I have never been a fan of them in amusement parks. It makes me mad that the stupidest thing trigger me and send me through a crying spin. It's been almost a year and a half since the divorce was official. Why do I still give a damn about him I don't know!
I don't think you got any kind of closure. No apology - and he never owned up to what you know he was doing.

Sucks that they can have that kind of power over us sometimes.
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01-24-2012 11:12 PM
notreadytoquit
Re: Rollercoaster

I guess I have to join occasionally this rollercoaster, even though I have never been a fan of them in amusement parks. It makes me mad that the stupidest thing trigger me and send me through a crying spin. It's been almost a year and a half since the divorce was official. Why do I still give a damn about him I don't know!
01-24-2012 08:58 PM
This is me
Re: Rollercoaster

Quote:
Originally Posted by nice777guy View Post
What are these "groups"? What do you do? Is it more of a social thing, or more like therapy?
More like therapy. There are hundreds in the place I am going broken down into tables of eight. Each week you work on some topic and discuss it. I am not the best match with my group of eight, but will stick with it.
01-24-2012 02:32 PM
Sparkles422
Re: Rollercoaster

shoo:

Yes, they seem to have it all, don't they?
But we don't know jack anymore. And it's over.

Your time in the sun will come, as it will for all of us.
01-24-2012 02:25 PM
Shooboomafoo
Re: Rollercoaster

Damn.
Ex just got a big fat check for part of her retirement program that her job is discontinuing. Shes dating guy #2 now, after the guy she cheated on me with. She got her car paid off, credit cards paid down, got the inside of the marital home painted and refloored....
Seems like life for her is actually better without me.
Not that, this revelation is of any surprise to me.
My life is most notable by the additional salting of the great wounds Ive taken throughout. Those unnecessary "Extras" that come on top of the big poo pie.
Perhaps none of it would be that effective in drawing emotion from me, if she werent right across the street from my new house, visiting her boy-friend.
Watching her close knit group of girlfriends now befriending and introducing themselves, just like they did to me so very long ago.

I feel USED.

And its all so meaningless, how frustrating having to work so hard at making sense of anything now, while pieces of her picture fall so nicely into place.
Its hard sometimes to remember that I did nothing wrong.
01-24-2012 10:41 AM
nice777guy
Re: Rollercoaster

What are these "groups"? What do you do? Is it more of a social thing, or more like therapy?
01-24-2012 06:22 AM
Sparkles422
Re: Rollercoaster

I am going to a divorce group on Wednesday.

It's unbelievable the amount of effort I am putting in for recovery. Makes me wonder how much effort I had put into that marriage. I am thinking alot, until I withdrew when I was at a low. Last year and half- didn't know where to turn, got no support from ex. Perspective is a great tool, makes me see that if he couldn't be there for depression, what if I had been ill? A blessing in disguise?

Anyway, hoping this is my ticket off that ride.
01-23-2012 05:26 PM
This is me
Re: Rollercoaster

Quote:
Originally Posted by nice777guy View Post
Yeah - that's part of my problem. We all know the divorce rate is 50% - yet I don't know where the other 49% are in my little patch of the world! Not that I'd wish this upon my worst enemy. But still - would be nice to be able to talk to some people who've been through it all.
I sought out a support group that starts tonight for 8 weeks. I hope it helps. It would be nice to share and comfort with others in the same situation.
01-23-2012 01:10 PM
nice777guy
Re: Rollercoaster

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparkles422 View Post
I am glad I'm not the only one, although in my world it feels like it.
Yeah - that's part of my problem. We all know the divorce rate is 50% - yet I don't know where the other 49% are in my little patch of the world! Not that I'd wish this upon my worst enemy. But still - would be nice to be able to talk to some people who've been through it all.
01-23-2012 11:59 AM
Sparkles422
Re: Rollercoaster

I am glad I'm not the only one, although in my world it feels like it. Sorry that misery likes company.LOL

But each of us is at the same point in time. I'm at 7 months divorce and 9 months discovery.

Let's hold each other's hand til we make it off this crazy trip.
01-23-2012 10:50 AM
nice777guy
Re: Rollercoaster

Totally relate...
01-23-2012 08:46 AM
This is me
Re: Rollercoaster

Tell me about it. Another cold dreary Monday morning and just want off of this terrible ride. Emotions all over the place.

Damn her!!!!
01-23-2012 08:25 AM
Shooboomafoo
Re: Rollercoaster

Yay, that roller coaster is nauseating.

Still trying to seperate myself from being concerned about what shes doing. It took me a while of watching to see that I would find nothing but more hurtful and outrageous things. I had to sever that connection. An axe thru the extension cord.
That is being the difficult part for me. Mentally separating my thoughts and considerations back to "just me" mode. It was as if I had to reach a certain level of affronts witnessed, before I found myself having to hit the stop button, and remind myself that I dont have to give a fk anymore. The whole lot of them, including her backstabbing simpleton friends can gargle my sack.
Bitter? naw....
01-23-2012 07:38 AM
Hoosier
Re: Rollercoaster

Right there with you. Has been six months from when I discovered her affair, thirty year marriage gone. True our fault for loss of marriage, but absolutely not our fault for affair. Keep exercising, I choose to believe them when they say time will heal, just time....
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