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Thread: No longer physically attracted to husband at all:( Reply to Thread
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Topic Review (Newest First)
06-05-2013 02:01 PM
TCSRedhead
Re: No longer physically attracted to husband at all:(

Folks - OP is banned. Not sure it really matters. A cheater will rewrite marital history to justify WHY they had an affair. So, maybe it was bad and maybe it wasn't.
06-05-2013 01:54 PM
dusty4
Re: No longer physically attracted to husband at all:(

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberley17 View Post
I do not make cheating a 'sport' but it worked for me at a really unhappy time in my life.
I'm glad betraying someone worked for you

Quote:
Well, the truth is if he was a better husband and was more involved maybe things would be different today. The affair was a result of things being bad. Not a reason for the divorce.
I knew the blameshifting would come out sooner or later.

Quote:
Yes, he says he is attracted to me and he wants me to desire him.
This doesn't sound like a guy who doesn't want to be, or isn't, a better husband. You are putting all this blame on him as if you didn't have a part to play. You said it yourself, "the truth is if he was a better husband and was more involved" as if you were the best wife in the world.

Sorry, something doesn't jive. A guy that is attracted to his wife, as you admitted, and desires his wife to desire him doesn't scream of a lousy husband that wasn't involved or wasn't trying to be a better husband, or your idea of a perfect husband perhaps.

But we get it. It was all him, you did nothing wrong aside from the cheating, and even the cheating was his fault.
06-05-2013 01:49 PM
dusty4
Re: No longer physically attracted to husband at all:(

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberley17 View Post
Now why would I tell him just for him to have it in his knowledgebase?? We are divorced. It's final. We are nothing more than co-parents to our beautiful children. I'm not sure I understand that thought process.
The only reason would be if he is having difficulty trying to understand why you are divorced, and the why is you are a cheater. If he is having trouble with the why, that could help him get over it.

And more so if he thinks there might be a chance at getting back together in the future. If he knew what you did, he probably would not waste his time.

OR if he is thinking that its all his fault the marriage collapsed. While it is always the responsibility of 2 people to make the marriage work, it only takes one to commit a major offense such as cheating to put the nail in the coffin when there might have been a chance to work on the marriage.

So if he is struggling and being hard on himself thinking its his fault, he needs to know that it is more on you than him, especially being the cheater.

Of course if he isn't struggling with the "why", and wants nothing to do with you, then leave him be I suppose.
06-05-2013 05:23 AM
Cora28
Re: No longer physically attracted to husband at all:(

Ah, Iīve just read you are divorced so my post above is redundant I guess. Iīm sorry, I should have read more before posting.
06-05-2013 04:58 AM
Cora28
Re: No longer physically attracted to husband at all:(

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberley17 View Post
Yes, he says he is attracted to me and he wants me to desire him. I know it hurts him which is why I am asking for advice. Sure I can step up and be a wife but I'll be faking it. I want to FEEL it. And yes, I'm sure it boils down to buily up resentment so maybe couples counseling? I'm at a loss.
I havent read all the posts here so my apologies, but I so identify with you here. I am not attracted to my H either and basically itīs about resentment for me too. Has something else happened that you can identify with? Have you got a crush on someone else? All these things affect how a women sees her man.

I have found this book online and have just started to read it so I donīt know its outcome. From what you say, you are starting stage one (with loss of sexual desire) so have a read and see what you think. It may help you to identify what is going on. Iīm not saying you are going to cheat but your post spoke volumes to me and if you donīt identify what the underlying concern is, you will be vulnerable as I am.

Infidelity, Cheating Wives - Women's Infidelity
06-04-2013 05:26 PM
treyvion
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberley17 View Post
Well, the truth is if he was a better husband and was more involved maybe things would be different today. The affair was a result of things being bad. Not a reason for the divorce.
I believe she said they were crossed and lost respect well before she decided to step out of the relationship. Was it two years or more of deterioration?
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06-04-2013 05:03 PM
Tall Average Guy
Re: No longer physically attracted to husband at all:(

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberley17 View Post
Well, the truth is if he was a better husband and was more involved maybe things would be different today. The affair was a result of things being bad. Not a reason for the divorce.
See, that is not really taking ownership. You chose to have an affair. You could have left over his poor treatment of you, but you did not. The affair is not the result of "things being bad" (sounds like something a politician would say), it is the result of you deciding to cheat.

Be a big girl and own your screw-up.
06-04-2013 02:57 PM
Kimberley17
Re: No longer physically attracted to husband at all:(

Quote:
Originally Posted by treyvion View Post
Ok. I guilty of having done it for sport over 13 years ago... Hurt someone I respected and loved, and my next relationship was the type of relationship were I needed a website like this one for emotional and moral support. Got smashed.

If the ex had any doubt on himself remaining, ( and it sounds like he left with confidence like he was going to do it anyway ) then letting him know why it really didn't work out would provide clarity and closure. "Oh, now that makes sense..."

The part about all of this that really gets me off the rocker, is we can do everything right and it can happen again.
Well, the truth is if he was a better husband and was more involved maybe things would be different today. The affair was a result of things being bad. Not a reason for the divorce.
06-04-2013 02:55 PM
hambone
Re: No longer physically attracted to husband at all:(

Quote:
Originally Posted by northernlights View Post
I can't answer for the OP, but I can answer for myself.

It feels like rape.

Men need to understand that they're not entitled to sex just because it's a need of theirs too. (Yes, too. Because OMG women list sex as a "need" too!).

I'm so sick of seeing women shamed for "withholding" sex and coerced on this board into giving it to their husbands. Sex is a gift freely given. If it's not, then we here can help a woman find out why she doesn't want to do it.

But the shaming? The coercion? The verbal abuse? Sickening.

There are good things about this site, but there are God-awful things about it too.
Do you know the difference between room mates and a married couple?

I don't think some women understand how necessary sex is to a man to have a happy marriage...

The wife can screw up a lot of stuff.. and it's OK.. as long as he's happy in the bedroom


On the other hand, if he's not happy in the bedroom... When he's fussing at breakfast about the eggs... the toast isn't right... the milk taste bad... it has nothing to do with cooking...

For many man... that one thing overrides everything else...

If you want a happy husband... take care of him in the bedroom.
06-04-2013 02:43 PM
treyvion
Re: No longer physically attracted to husband at all:(

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberley17 View Post
I appreciate what you're saying. And if I ever do get that close to someone again I definitely plan to make different choices. Hopefully, the situation will be different. I do not make cheating a 'sport' but it worked for me at a really unhappy time in my life.
Ok. I guilty of having done it for sport over 13 years ago... Hurt someone I respected and loved, and my next relationship was the type of relationship were I needed a website like this one for emotional and moral support. Got smashed.

If the ex had any doubt on himself remaining, ( and it sounds like he left with confidence like he was going to do it anyway ) then letting him know why it really didn't work out would provide clarity and closure. "Oh, now that makes sense..."

The part about all of this that really gets me off the rocker, is we can do everything right and it can happen again.
06-04-2013 02:28 PM
Kimberley17
Re: No longer physically attracted to husband at all:(

Quote:
Originally Posted by treyvion View Post
Peoples relationships when they are in long term relationships goes through "trials and tribulations", affairs, poor communication for several years of span are what they mean when they say it.

I was just saying that if it gets bad and you cheat, it's definately not going to make it better. It's an inherent detachment to be able to do it, I know cause I've done it.

I wasn't trying to bash you, but I hope that if you get that close to someone again you realize how you got into that particular position and this time are able to be successful.

Anyway, I know people are going to do what they are going to do, I'm not a fan of people being used and hurt unless it is for a really good reason.
I appreciate what you're saying. And if I ever do get that close to someone again I definitely plan to make different choices. Hopefully, the situation will be different. I do not make cheating a 'sport' but it worked for me at a really unhappy time in my life.
06-04-2013 02:16 PM
treyvion
Re: No longer physically attracted to husband at all:(

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberley17 View Post
Just for the record I was having an affair once it was already bad. I didn't have an affair and then it got bad. Not that it matters I guess. It was wrong regardless.
Peoples relationships when they are in long term relationships goes through "trials and tribulations", affairs, poor communication for several years of span are what they mean when they say it.

I was just saying that if it gets bad and you cheat, it's definately not going to make it better. It's an inherent detachment to be able to do it, I know cause I've done it.

I wasn't trying to bash you, but I hope that if you get that close to someone again you realize how you got into that particular position and this time are able to be successful.

Anyway, I know people are going to do what they are going to do, I'm not a fan of people being used and hurt unless it is for a really good reason.
06-04-2013 02:11 PM
Kimberley17
Re: No longer physically attracted to husband at all:(

Quote:
Originally Posted by treyvion View Post
"Since it doesn't matter anymore, we weren't getting along and it wasn't working out because I was having an affair".

That's what I was saying, but do what you want. Have a good day.
Just for the record I was having an affair once it was already bad. I didn't have an affair and then it got bad. Not that it matters I guess. It was wrong regardless.
06-04-2013 02:04 PM
treyvion
Re: No longer physically attracted to husband at all:(

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberley17 View Post
Now why would I tell him just for him to have it in his knowledgebase?? We are divorced. It's final. We are nothing more than co-parents to our beautiful children. I'm not sure I understand that thought process.
"Since it doesn't matter anymore, we weren't getting along and it wasn't working out because I was having an affair".

That's what I was saying, but do what you want. Have a good day.
06-04-2013 01:57 PM
Kimberley17
Re: No longer physically attracted to husband at all:(

Quote:
Originally Posted by treyvion View Post
Well you could tell him so he could have it in his knowledge base.

Maybe you where more unhappy because you did cheat, and for you to cope you had to detach to carry on like this. Creating a greater rift and eventually break in the relationship.
Now why would I tell him just for him to have it in his knowledgebase?? We are divorced. It's final. We are nothing more than co-parents to our beautiful children. I'm not sure I understand that thought process.
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