he's not happy...

young_mother · 01-14-2010, 01:28 PM

I'm a mother of a one-year old baby girl, i'm 23 years old, not married and still in an off and on relationship with the father of my child, and just recenty moved in with him and his family of origin. My boyfriend is a very weird person and he doesn't know what he wants. He doesn't want the responsibility, I think, because he abandoned us a couple of times before.

Recently, when we were talking about getting back together, he was telling me his plans for our family, which I found great, that's why I gave him another chance. Things were going great for a couple of days, until I found out that during those times that we've been apart, he have had a short term semi-romantic relationship with a collegue. I found pictures of them together. He said that it was nothing and kept on denying it. An after those talks, he went cold, most of the time and even tried breaking up with me when I caught him texting her. I'm still here but I'm very hesitant to stay because his coldness makes me feel like I don't belong herebut then again, sometimes he's okay but rarely. They still text and I don't know what is going on between them, I'm not allowed to tell him what not to do.

I would really like to fight for our relationship, but I don't see him fighting for me. I'm hurting everyday and I told him that. We've had talks and I asked him if he wants me to go, he said no. He said he loves me and our daughter, but I can't see it. Also, I'm really scared of moving out, because I don't know if I'll be able to provide the life that he's providing my daughter and I don't have a job either because I breastfed and took care of my daughter for a year.

Just yesterday, I've made a plan. A friend said, that she'll help me move out, we'll hire a nanny for my baby while I'm working and just today I've started treating him as cold as I can. I would like to fall out of love with him. That way, I'll find it easier to leave him.

I'm still torn though, should I fight for my man or should I leave and show the world that I can, I'm scared of failing though.

please help..

Alexandra · 01-14-2010, 05:36 PM

What a position to be in - as a young mom to a tiny baby, you likely have no energy for these type of games.

If you move out will you find out if her really wants you? Will he own up? Have you thought about how much more stable life can be without an on again off again relationship? Don't go the cold route though, by being cruel to him you are just playing the same game.

Could you tell him straight out that you're leaving because of how you feel, because of his inability to be a father and a solid partner to you? Try not to listen if he smooth talks you. If you're serious, make the step of moving out and see how he acts then. It WILL hurt because you do love him. But try to think of this as a way to prod him into taking you and his daughter seriously.

It's hard and I totally feel for you. Try to be strong... :-)

young_mother · 01-19-2010, 03:49 AM

thanks alex! that was really helpful.