01-24-2010, 10:24 PM
Join Date: Jan 2010
| | anxiety issues and long distance stress
My husband and I are currently in the U.S. military and for the time being are stationed in 2 different states, 1000+ miles away. We have been married since oct 2008 and together until oct 2009 when we had to fulfill our military obligations in different places. We also have a 5 month old child (our first) who stays with me. The baby was only 7 weeks old when I had to move away from our old house to our new one.
He is currently living in a military dormitory with a roommate, which does not make him very happy. It is hard for him to be away from his family and to go from living with us comfortably in our home to living with someone else in small living quarters. Not only this, but his job is very stressful and requires a high level of thinking and decoding. Although he is there and I am here, he has a handful of friends at his location and frequently goes out to blow off steam and "hang with the guys''. Almost like he is back in college again.
I am a young, first time mother raising a baby on my own while fulfilling my everyday military obligations. I live alone in this big empty house, take care of our finances(our taxes, our bills, budget, savings, etc), I keep in touch with both sides of our families with e-mail updates and pictures of the baby, I'm organizing/designing our brand new home, and just started a new job in a new office with a very difficult supervisor where I am for 11 hours a day which means putting my baby in a daycare center which is uncomfortable for me. I don't know anyone (friends) where I live and have no family for over 1000 miles. I don't socialize with anyone here and really don't leave the house unless the baby needs diapers or formula; because of the icy & snowy weather conditions here, its very difficult to bring an infant out and about to stores, restaurants, etc. And because I've been so busy and on my own, I've also had trouble losing weight after my pregnancy which makes me stressed and disappointed. I guess there are many days where I am very stressed out. I also believe probably have an anxiety condition. I believe alot of this stress that I am enduring flares up my anxiety in even small situations.
He says that I overreact, I am unreasonable, I think illogically, I "may need professional help", the word "crazy" has been thrown around, I need to relax, and that I should appreciate the fact that I am not separated from my son and that I am in a brand new house instead of a dorm with a sloppy roommate. And I very much appreciate these things; my son is the light of my life and I'm having a great time being domestic and decorating our new house, building our furniture, getting appliances, etc...
But I have gotten to the point where I hold in alot of my feelings so I'm not looking so "weak" to him. I've stopped communicating as much as I normally do. I don't talk about my day alot anymore. I'm starting feel numb alot of the time. I've also kind of shut myself off to both our parents and I don't know why.
Lately, now he says I'm insensitive to his feelings and he feels like I am pushing him away and I only speak to him with attitude. Maybe I resent him for some reason?
I tell him that long distance is going to stress us out, especially still being newlyweds (15 months so far), and we are going to feel stress and tension and we will get through it. But he seems to think that "that's not going to happen to us". We're "stronger than everyone else".
I feel like I'm not being understood and can't tell if I should be feeling this way or if I should really "chill out".