OMA82

Hello

so this is about my almost 3 years marriage. one baby and another on the way. i read somewhere that a miserable and unhappy parent could never be a good parent. it's so true, i am married to a very caring and nice person but so many other negatives hide the good stuff. i've been married before to a very abusive husbund. i thank god for my present nice and loving husband for that he's no comparison to the 1st quick marriage.
ANYWAYS, i am so unhappy that it makes it so hard for me to do anything, be a good wife or a good mother, i moved from the city and i hate where we live now, i beg him everyday to move but he always makes up excuses coz his just too happy around his parents. what makes it worse is that he won't let me travel alone, and traveling together sometimes could be too expensive so i end up not even asking. my hubby works 12 hours shift but has 4 days off. and he also takes couple classes online. i work very part-time, take care of the baby and the house and him, go to school and being pregnant, he never really helps with anything around the house, not even the baby. he won't babysit for more than an hour or 2 but yet he cant live a day without her, he always calls me a lazy ass and never show me how much he appreciates my hard work. he's so lazy and won't do anything fun, during the weekend if we even get to go out it's to the mall, PLUS to his parents. he's so controlling and most of the time won't encourage me or agree with me about my ideas. i am not in heaven nor in hell, but at the same time not having my freedom and doing what i wanna do and living my life makes me miserable and wanna pack and leave. do you think my problems are enough to call it quits? or you think i just have some kinda post prego depression?

Blanca

How does he stop you? Do you have access to the money?

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"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie

OMA82

i work 6 hours a week ( just started ) i have his credit cards and could always use my money for tickets and other plans. but im afraid if i buy a ticket and go i'll make things worse. sometimes i think about what his family would say since they're my neighbors really. coz if it was about him only i would've went anywhere i want. for instant. my sister is having her wedding overseas. i was supposed to go for a month since i haven't been to my parent's for 3 years. instead he got tickets for 18 days only which really breaks my heart. because i have to go with him and come back with him, i can't even stay a bit longer with my own parents and family.

Blanca

so what is stopping you is your fear about causing more problems...but that's not your H stopping you. thats you stopping you. who cares what his family will say. My MIL hates me. i dont care. she says horrible things about me. so what.

you can change your departure date.

you're going to have to start doing what you want and stop telling yourself that he's stopping you. He's not stopping you. Your fears are stopping you. fight for what you want and show him he cant walk all over you. You might stir up some commotion, but what is worse? Living the way you are now, or stirring up the pot?

__________________


"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie

OMA82

i appreciate your quickeness
i just finished sending him an email. now it's really up to him. i told him WHY im so unhappy and what I WANT to change to keep us in this marriage. like stop being THE MAN and start giving me some of my freedom as a grown up woman, i also gave him 6 months to look for a job in the city i moved from or else im calling it quits i've been sacrificing alot. now its his turn. i decided to steer my life the way i want to. because what could happen? a divorce? that's really what im looking for.im going to try to purchase a ticket without his permission. it could be the end of it all or a start of a new beginning

Blanca

good for you. but just remember, things like this dont change over night. and being so submissive you did contribute to the problem. try to take baby steps to regain your freedom- like buying the airline ticket. but try not to draw the line in the sand just yet. i know its empowering at first to do what you want and demand your rights, but before you jump ship give him some time (a few years) to see if he will adjust to your new freedom. There will be some fighting since he's not used to this, but give him some time to accept you.

__________________


"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie

OMA82

thank you blanca for all the encouraging words. well i spent the last night writing him a long email telling him why im so unhappy and how i want things to be, or else will go different ways. he got pissed and called my parents to complain. he spoke to my brother wich pisses me off at thebegining. but im kinda glad he did coz all my family stood up for me. at the end he realized he's wrong. he agreed to me traveling alone this month i am so excited, i feel like a strong woman lol. i just hope things change to the better

Blanca

im so happy they stood up for you, and that you stood up for yourself. that's awesome. its not an easy thing you just did. just give him a few years to adjust.

__________________


"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie