Wife Wants Divorce After 20 years of Marriage
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Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

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Old 06-21-2010, 08:34 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Wife Wants Divorce After 20 years of Marriage

I'm a 53 year old male with a long history of depression and anxiety. The wife and I have been having issues for the last 10 months. She has not slept in the same bed as me since last November (at the urging of her therpaist). She has her own mental issues she is dealing with.

I've also been on Paxil since November 2006. While the paxil has helped me manage my depression and anxiety, ii has caused other issues such as low libido and anger management issues. I sometimes lose my cool too easily.

My wife has reluctently agreed to couples therapy, but I'm afraid it may be too little too late.
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Old 06-21-2010, 02:26 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Wants Divorce After 20 years of Marriage

Be very careful who you choose for therapy. Make sure they are pro-marriage. A lot of counselors (like your wife's) care only about individuals being happy no matter the cost to the marriage. They often even guide you to divorce, assuming removing the marriage will make you happy. The truth is, learning how to DEAL with your issues will make you happy. Running from them won't.

How long has it been since you asked your doc about changing your prescription?
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Old 06-21-2010, 05:50 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Wants Divorce After 20 years of Marriage

Although I don't know much about what's personally going on with your wife, I find it interesting and somewhat shocking that her therapist advised her NOT to sleep by her husbands side.

In fact, I feel as though she should be trying harder to be close to you.

She may be feeling a lack of romance. Many women tend to withdraw emotionally and physically when they are no longer being romanced. Ask yourself... When was the last time you gave her flowers, a surprise gift for no reason, or called to say you love her? Take whatever answer you get and use it to your advantage. It will improve your marriage.

I wish you the best of luck.
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Old 06-23-2010, 02:15 PM   #4 (permalink)
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The wife and I had our first appointment yesterday with a couples therapist. It didn't seem that bad but its only the first visit. She continued to state that she does not want to "let me back in" and seems to be very distant. She mentioned my anxiety/depression issues to the therapist and added that she thought I was bi-polar. The therapist immediately jumped and that nad has asked me to me evaluated by the doctor. I've scheduled three mnore appointments but I'm not confident that things will improve.
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Old 06-23-2010, 02:26 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Wants Divorce After 20 years of Marriage

What are you guys doing to improve your marriage?
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Old 06-23-2010, 05:49 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Wants Divorce After 20 years of Marriage

While, I'm trying but my wife is not interested. She refuses to discuss anything involving her therapist and states its not open for discussion. I have given her flowers and told her I love her, but it nothing has worked so far. She did admit today that she has given her attorney a $2000 retainer. She would tell me where she got the money from.
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Old 06-23-2010, 07:36 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Wants Divorce After 20 years of Marriage

No, I mean, what have you changed in the way you operate day to day? Do you know what you do to Love Bust her? Do you know what her top Emotional Needs are? She went elsewhere because you were either LBing her or not meeting her ENs. THAT is what you can work on. It won't change things overnight, but if you can hold off the divorce long enough, she can see the changes. But you have to know HER better...what is she unhappy about? What did you do or not do? What can you change?

Remember, you don't HAVE to agree to the divorce. You can do your part to drag it out as long as possible, to give you time to win her back.

Have you snooped yet to see if she is calling, texting, or emailing another man? Odds are pretty good that she is. If so, you need to address THAT before you address your marriage.
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Old 06-30-2010, 07:06 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Wants Divorce After 20 years of Marriage

Just a quick update. We just finished our second couples therapy session, but the home life is getting worse. She goes out every night after getting home from work Tonight she at her girlfriends house and last night she went out to dinner with a male co-worker. Now I'm thinking that she is cheating on me. I plan to bring this up at next week's session.
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Old 06-30-2010, 07:14 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Wants Divorce After 20 years of Marriage

robinson, COME ON! Why do you ALLOW her to go out every night? With men?! Seriously. Why do you accept it? When she comes home, look her straight in the eyes and say "I can not accept you going out. We are MARRIED and I expect you to ACT married. If you cannot, then MOVE."
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