Depressed hubby leaves - round 4
I need help, encouragement, and a path. Some of what I need I have, (help from friends, encouragement from family) sadly lacking the path part!
Here is my story:
I am married to a man that has suffered from cyclical depression for most if not all of his adult life. He was able to keep it at bay by always changing his scenery or his job. I didn't notice that much as I was in love and along for an adventure. But then we had a child. And my love for change morphed into love for stability for my son. Since remaining in the same place for nearly 10 years, my husband has left me 4 times. Always depressed, always hurtful, always forgetting what we had or what we share. Life is colored by his emotions, so when he is depressed he can't recall a happy thought.
Hubby self medicates with Pot and Beer, and has moved out of the house for the 4th time.
The first time, he left for a two weeks, during a very stressful time in all our lives (my Mom was dying a very painful lingering death). The second time was just after a trip we had planned on taking and enjoyed. He moved downstairs and we tried to not cross each other, but eventually my desire to have him back, got thru. The third time he hinted that he had a "big decision" to make, knowing the signs of his depression, I told him to leave. He moved out for 6 months when our child was 5, when he did come back, it was for "good".
Flash forward a month ago... his depression hits, he loses his job, couldn't find another job for a couple of weeks, then returned to a job he had from before (one I like, but one he felt he wasn't appreciated in). Then he has to put our Dog down. Within a week, he was stone faced and leaving.. I told him if he felt like that then he should leave. And that if he needed space, then he could have it, but if he wished to return to the home, he would have to visit a doctor and abide by their recommendation for 3 months.
He has now been out of the house for a month. Our communication is very plain, written with no emotion on both our parts. I have been very plain that I don't want to see him, and that whenever possible we can arrange to not see one another. Unfortunately, my son's hockey year end is going on. Playoffs etc all weekend.
I have taken the last month to work on my issues, my weight, my focus, my procastination, and making myself feel better by taking extra steps to be better. I did not fall into the old habit of begging him to come home and it seems to have caused more anger.
Not sure what to do.. Feel like his is heading out of this marriage, and not sure that this isn't for the best but, am terrified about it. I love him, and I believe he loves me. He continues to leave himself with a foot in the door by his own actions... it is hard and confusing.
Any words of wisdom?