Curious-Hope

Please i need honest answers. I cannot say I have been the perfect wife. I have my flaws and I am truly willing to work on them but I just don’t know how I should change everything about me when he is changing nothing about him. We have been married six years now and have had one daughter. During the six years of marriage, I have had to shoulder all the financial responsibilities because he has been in and out of jobs. As a result, a lot of what I want to achieve in life and I see no hope of them ever being realized. I am sadly trying to make peace with this fact.
My husband isn’t as nearly qualified as I am and as much as I encourage him to get himself qualified; it is like I am talking to a brick wall. When it comes to jobs, he will not go out of his comfort zone. By this I mean that if a friend is not in it with him he will not step out and do it. Unless someone offers him a day or two he will not go and hunt for it. In fact when he does not have a job he spends the entire day in bed and wants me to stay there with him until it’s time for me to go to work….( I work on a shift system).
We NEVER go anywhere and I am bored to death. Sex is next to none existent (and he has major issues when I say no cause in his eyes I’m not supposed to). I hate sex…he loves sex. When he is not getting sex he becomes a monster. On the other hand I could live without it (seriously).
He is stingy to everyone including me. If he gets a job he will not voluntarily tell me when he gets paid or how much. He will not give me a dime and if I ask he has this look on his face as if I am bothering him (so I don’t). If he buys me anything it is always the cheapest of everything and the best for himself. This infuriates me so much. What is wrong here????
How is it that i could spend six years taking care of someone who thinks it so hard to take care of me????

Because of our sex issues he has been sleeping on the coach for the past 4 days. Honestly at first i felt guilty but now i feel relieved. I feel like each day i am losing some respect for him and slowly the love i have for him.

livingla

448 words and not one of them said anything nice about the guy.

4sure

What keeps you around? Why stay?

Livingla: 448 words, did you seriously count them?

Curious-Hope

When we were dating we went out all the time although it wasn't very expensive places. I knew that his finances were limited so i didnt push. We talked about it before marriage and he promised to go back to school so that he could girt a better job. He did go back to school and got a diploma in welding but still will not go and try find a job. He prefers for someone to call and "hey i got a few things to do here and there. You want to work for me for a day or two?" and even then he refuses to contribute anything financially. When i do ask it turns into a big argument about how i am treating him badly because i make more than him. Its frustrating.

Just yesterday i tried talking to him and his response was that if i was saving more of what i earned then we could have our own home by now. He demans that i save a set amount every month and by doing that i mean handing it over to him so he spends it on "our home". I asked him if he thinks im an idiot and there is no way in hell i am going to be anyone's sugarmama.

Oh and in all this saving.. he would not be contributing anything either

magnoliagal

Again why do you stay? I dated/lived with a guy like that. Wanted sex all the time, didn't really like working, stingy with what little money he had, slept till 3 in the afternoon and here I was in college, working 2 jobs, and had ambition. He so had to go. He was on the fast track of making me be his "sugarmomma" because I was working towards becomming a CPA. Overall he was just lazy and I can't stand lazy men.

cam62

Thank you Curious Hope for posting such honesty. I find myself the same predicament. Only mine may be even more dire than yours. We too have one daughter, and now like the idiot that I am I got knocked up again, 6 yrs later! I am having another one of this fool's babies, and now I really feel like the fool.
He too is completely illiterate, won't even talk about let alone get help. I've tried everything to no avail. And to all those well wishers out there...reading isn't that hard, adult literacy classes won't help if there is underlying reasons (dyslexia, adhd, etc...) and there is NO way for and adult to get help for this. Once you are out of the school system, the govt pretty much signs off.
I have a college diploma and am currently in university, I have one year left. Why god did I pick a creton to reproduce with? What is wrong with me? And why do they always want sex? Can't you see that I am gigantic??? Stay away from me!
I too have never received much of anything from him. We aren't even married, just shacked up. There's no way I would marry him. I hate myself for trapping myself like this. I am so self-destructive. I really don't know how to do it on my own now. I have broken up with him for extended periods of time, several times. A new baby really limits my ability to kick him to the curb, especially after a c-section. UGH!!! Thanks for letting me feel like someone else feels the same way. Lonely in a relationship.