Physical & Mental Health IssuesMarriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.
Anyone have a partner with ADHD? My husband was diagnosed a few months ago. At first, I thought it was depression that was ruining our relationship. But the more I read, the more I learn about how destructive ADHD can be in a marriage. It can lead to depression and anxiety disorders, but the way we have learned to relate (I think) is a direct result of his condition and the way his brain operates.
I am glad you are learning to relate. Please tell me how you are doing this? I was just diagnosed and know I am hard to live with but not sure it is ALL me. Just trying to sort it all out.
Ritalin? Adderall? Dexedrine? A newer type of treatment marketed as Strattera (atomoxetine [SNRI]) is NOT a stimulant. Many people swear by it.
Ritalin, Adderall, Dexedrine and other pharmaceuticals in that class have the opposite effect in adults--they act as a stimulant. I've heard mixed reviews on Stratera though.
After surviving my ordeal in 2009, I now have adult ADHD. It is so frustrating! The best strategy I have found is to avoid stress. In addition, I now make a lot of lists and notes and focus really hard on following those lists. The hospital psychologist also suggested I do a lot of mental exercises to force my brain to focus--word puzzles, knitting, etc. It seems to help, but it is so aggravating at times keeping things from jumbling together in the brain.
If you are healthy enough for it I recommend something like wall climbing. If there are any indoor walls with belaying staff near you I would very seriously consider going regularly.
Funny. I thought for a second you were my wife! But, you are not.
I recently was diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD. After many sessions my doctor prescribed Ritalin, but I'm now on Concerta (time released over the day.) I have to say without a doubt this has helped tremendously. My mind used to be a jumble of thoughts and I was always frustrated because I couldn't get these thoughts out and into accomplishments. Or, I'd start something only to not finish it. This caused a lot of anxiety. But having a calm mind has given me a Zen like quality I don't know I've ever felt before in my life. It's like I've had a filter taken off and I can see clearly.
However, just saying all this I realize how far I've let myself fall. And this is overwhelming. I haven't been mature (healthy?) for many, many years. So I have a lot of catching up to do.
I would really encourage your husband to think about medication and work on building good habits to make it easier to get things done. I've been told I'm probably never going to be an insane anal retentive type, color coding my socks and plotting out my children social calendars a year out. But at least I'm functional.
I probably bet your husband is creative, funny and has a lot to offer you, and your marriage. I know this frustration, but it doesn't have to be this way.
My husband is off his Prozac (it was a Godsend while it lasted) and is taking adderall sporadically, when he wants to. So medication is definitely what he needs. But he does not see it that way. He is out of control and making life changing decisions at a time when he should not be. I am the only one who really sees this since I know him so well. He hides it well from friends and coworkers but he can't hide it from me. I am trying to get him to go to therapy but he resists that too. If he refuses medication, then he needs to be talking to a professional. Our marriage is hanging by a string and I feel so powerless.
My husband is off his Prozac (it was a Godsend while it lasted) and is taking adderall sporadically, when he wants to.
I was recently diagnosed with Adult ADHD after struggling with it for many years. I was initially on Adderal but recently switched to Concerta (timed release Ritalin). My experience with accidentally missing doses of either drug is that they have a nasty rebound effect and it takes a couple days to re-balance when I resume. If your husband is taking it only sporadically, my guess is that he's using it as a stimulant rather than for his ADHD.
Ritalin, Adderall, Dexedrine and other pharmaceuticals in that class have the opposite effect in adults--they act as a stimulant. I've heard mixed reviews on Stratera though.
Do you have a reference for that? Yes, Ritalin, Adderal, Concerta, Dexedrine, etc, are stimulants. My understanding is that those of us with true ADHD have a paradoxical reaction to these particular stimulants. I think they may have more of a calming effect in children, but they certainly help me focus.
BTW, both Adderal and Concerta were prescribed for me by a Psychiatrist who specializes in adult ADHD.
Adult use of amphetamine isn't consistent that way that it's written for younger people. It can be. I have a low dosage Dexstrostat to balance some of the side effects of lithium and Effexor. As noted here it has to be taken regularly or it has that rebound crash. Abusers crush it and snort. Posted via Mobile Device
I was finally diagnosed correctly in April this year with ADHD.
I'm on Adderall twice a day. It took all of my raging thoughts - no - it was more like a F5 or Category 5 swirl of of thoughts all clamoring for attention and dropped them into a big orderly stack.
Nothing short of a miracle in my book. Turns out I was never really in a clinical depression or anxiety that the last Doc said and put me on Effexor XR. I kicked that bad habit of Effexor back in November 2009. My current therapist and Doc stated that for my particular type of ADHD, Effexor was the worst thing for me. I asked why was I depressed and anxious. They said it was because I could not order my thoughts enough to complete things and that disappointment fed the depression and anxiety.
I am definitely not depressed now and not anxious. My wife says she loves the new me and it's so nice getting all the home projects I started and didn't finish - done now! She actually told me a couple of weeks ago to not let that other SOB come back ever again - she loves the new me! Work is just amazing too - projects are getting blasted out inrecord time and my small team of people is even better adjusted with clearer guidance from me.
The only drawback for me so far is I have to be careful with how much I take because even a little to much gives me pains in my shoulders.
I was initially worried because of the bad experience on Effexor and Wellbutrin before that. Those two drugs shut of much of my ability to care about much of anything and killed my libido as well. I used to go I to red, red rages on that stuff.
But from day one on Adderall - my thoughts clarified and stopped swirling around with each one screaming pick me pick me. The thoughts are still there but now are in an orderly pile waiting to be called. Posted via Mobile Device
ADHD nearly ruined my marraige. The hubby has it and we nearly divorced last year because of it. He was embarrassing to take out in public, he would blurt things out without thinking of the consequences. He had little to no patience with our kids and no thought to how his actions(as he thought they were funny) hurt me. When I finally decided enough was enough as he had been diagnosed YEARS ago and refused to do anything about it, he went into a depression mode when he finally realized I was leaving.
Not knowing all the facts of ADHD in adults, I ignored this. Then the anxiety came. I felt like it was all for attention from me. I have two kids with adhd so I knew how the gammit of manipulation runs when they want something and it is so focused on their heads they can't think of anything else. Finaaly, I told him I had no wish to raise a third kid and he was supposed to be my partner.
We went to the doctor and of course, tons of questions that hubby didn't want to admit he did. We actually had a fight in the office because we were there to get help and he denied things! The doc started him on concerta. Within two weeks, HE could start telling the diffference in himself! I could too.
The advice I can offer you is this. After having a hubby and two kids diagnosed,I have learned what works for my family. First, yes they are on meds,as it was the BEST option for us after trying natural methods. Second, diet, make sure everything healthy is going in. Stay away from high sugar content and processeds food.Most of our meals are protein, veggies and fruits. Healthy body,healthy mind. We do splurge on treats every so often as we are only human. Omega three vitamins, the oils help the brain(research this so you know the good from the bad). Activity helps to tire them out. I also use essential oils to relax at bedtme. chamomile and lavender are my favorite. I spray this on our sheets(diluted) and it even helps me and they sleep better. My daughter also drinks chamomile tea before bed to help her fall to sleep as concerta tendss to keep her up.
Last, speak up. Wait until hubby is in a calm mood and let him know when there are things that he does or says that bother you that you are going to let him know. Communication is really the key as often times, they don't realize what they are doing is not appropriate. My hubby says things in front of our friends (joking) but isn't really ok with me. if he doesn't stop himself, I steer him away and just say, that is not acceptable to talk about. I am not his mom, we have an agreement because he just forgets sometimes. I never embarrass him in front of anyone. I also never do this in front of the kids. We have established code words because he will think he is doing something funny and then he will yell at the kids for doing the same thing they watched him do the day before. So now when he starts something, I use the code word and he backs off or says, we shouldn't be doing that so they kids get the idea.
I has been a lot of hard work. But I wouldn't give up anything about my family. Just remember that this is a medical condition just as diabetes, depression, high blood pressure. You have to find what works for you. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions. Good luck to you!
Adult ADHD 
Re: Adult ADHD 
