brendan

My wife, 27 years old had depression from 19-20 before i knew here. Then again for a year when she was 24 when i was in a relationship with her.

Years on we a re married with a child, and apparently she has been diagnosed with it again. The last few months she has been in her own world inside the house. We have hardly had sex for 2 years and i started to want answeres a few months ago and no she says the answer is deprssion.

I dont know much about it but F me, what has she got to be depressed about? Seems like every 2nd person has it these days

And NO SEX because of depression, pllleeassee?

Runs like Dog

Imagine how she feels. Have a little compassion, man.

alphaomega

There's room for compassion, but she can't expect him to put his entire marriage on hold forever. She needs to take responsibility in getting her depression under control.
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Runs like Dog

My point is it's not about sexing your way through the problem. It's wider and deeper than that.

magnoliagal

For me I guess it depends on how severe the depression is. I had a mild to moderate case of it and was still able to function. I had a job, a few friends, and yes I still had sex with my husband. Sometimes people do use depression as a way to not do things they just don't want to do. I've been guilty of that. I see now it was a cop out.

Again no disrespect to those who are truly debilitated by it. I however was not. Okay sometimes I was but not all the time.

MGirl

THIS.

I was severely depressed a few years back after I had my son. I couldn't work, couldn't function, couldn't do much of anything besides sleep and cry, really. It's a bigger issue than people may think it is.

And yes, depression has definitely become more prevalent recently. There are a hundred reasons why. But it sounds as if you really don't understand what's going on with her.

Find this book and give it a read. Might help you get inside her head a little and understand her. The book is not a cure, but it will help you see things from her point of view and lay out the options you two have in treating it.

Amazon.com: Undoing Depression: What Therapy Doesn't Teach You and Medication Can't Give You (9780316043410): Richard O'Connor: Books

__________________
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde

whatgivinguplookslike

depression isn't about "what caused it" you can have the perfect life and no worries and still be depressed. did it occur to you that your action, inaction, and reactions may make it worse? i suffer depression. it isn't because of my lifestyle. it is a medical mental imbalance. i can tell you that intentional or not, if you don't like that she is "unhappy" and isnt the social butterfly you seem to want, she can sense that and it makes you feel worse knowing that you aren't living up to someone else's expectation while already battling depression. and i'm sure it causes her even more stress thinking about how much you want sex. while i think she should probably get some professional help, why don't you try being empathetic. see what you can do to help her through it. maybe you just trying to understand might help and not just pretending you care to get out of her what you want. like i said, i think she should seek professional help and probably be put on meds, but seriously you make it sound like you don't really give a crap about her condition, and you are just mad about what you aren't getting. depression is a very serious condition. and by your attitude im sure it isn't making it any better.

brendan

thanks for your feedback however the last post has it wrong.

If i was only worried about only having sex 4 times in like 2 years i think i would have cheated or gone to a brothel by now. we have talked about this issue heaps now she and i haven given up on the sex issue. She would even take those horny goat weed tabs.

She has a good job, but not contibuting around the house and being lazy and watching non stop TV and facebook is that because of depression?

She is seeing a "shrink" as she put is next week.

I think i am very understanding when she goes through these moods, i actaully think she has narrcissim. She only seems down when shes in this house but when we are out she is fine.

Zulu

That is such a good point you make there.... have the same with my wife.... you and I are the cause of their depression respectively, but exactly what it is, that only God himself knows. My wife needs me, but does not want me.... what ever... I also think that depression just gets diagnosed so that something can be treated.

Nickitta

She can't be that depressed if she manages to hold down a good job. If she is fine outside, then it means that she can't be bothered to make any efforts towards you. Depression can't just be conveniently switched ON and OFF!

MGirl

__________________
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde

brendan

interesting points from all. i had a chat to one of her friends tonight after an argument.

came home from work today and nothing had been done around the house so i just cracked it, which i rarely do.

ha had family issues the last few years which is a major factor i believe but hey it all seems to be taken out on me.

unbelievable

Depression is almost never linked to any particular event. It's a disorder caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. She can't control her body chemistry any more than you can. This time tomorrow, you could be drooling and believe you're a choo choo train. "There, but for the grace of God", etc, etc." My wife suffers from depression and has every day since I met her. I know it can be hard for a spouse to deal with. Imagine, though, how awful it must be to actually be the one having no energy, finding no joy, no motivation, etc. Anyway, professional help is available and you both might get some relief, at least until the next bout. Either way, be careful how low you place the bar of compassion because you might be in worse shape one day and need her to be patient.

unknownuser

I have hypothyroidism, which mimics depression. For years I have had a demanding job managing a 911 center. Very high stress. I make it work, but it is about ALL I can handle. After that I am physically and emotionally exhausted on most days. You can hold down a decent job while depressed, but sometimes that is all you can do.
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unbelievable

A job requires very different "stuff" than a relationship. I could be essentially emotionally disabled and still do my job but it'd make participating in a relationship almost impossible. My wife manages to work but she couldn't drag up a romantic emotion if she could use a tow truck. She is so overwhelmed by what she feels, wants, needs, regrets, etc, that there is just nothing left. If you're going to be married to someone with a personality or psychiatric disorder,or an addiction, you'd better have very broad shoulders and almost no needs of your own.