07-13-2011, 11:32 AM
Join Date: May 2011
| | What to do about husband's depression
I've posted about how my H and I have been on the brink of divorce for the last couple of months and how it's gotten worse recently...but then he has pulled me back in with his renewed attempts to make it work...
*But* the elephant in the room is that he is and has been clinically depressed for some time, and has lost all direction in life. I mean he's like, literally, adrift with no clue what he wants....
It's affected our marriage in huge ways, but he doesn't really acknowledge it...he admits a little tiny bit that it's there, but it literally is the 800-pound gorilla in the room that nobody talks about or deals with.
H admitted that he hates his new job (he'd been unemployed for a year). The hours are just hellish and never consistent...plus being salaried, he puts in more time than he should have to and doesn't get paid for it. I can see how sucky it is and have told him to quit, who cares about money...but he's hanging on...barely.
Part of why we're in a mess now is that he doesn't know "what he wants"...that includes a house, a wife, and how much time he spends with his kids--he doesn't know if he wants any of this stuff or how much. This has thrown me into a tailspin because I married him under the 'verbal agreement' lol that we were going to have a kid of our own, a house and a dog...We have part of that list, but we are in limbo about the kid--and he hates having a dog most of the time--and we didn't get the big church wedding I wanted(we got married at city hall)...
So there's alot that we're missing, and more that it seems isn't going to happen.
H is depressed. He's so depressed it effects everything in our life. I can't make long-term plans because he's so wishy washy on everything--and it comes from his depression. He can't decide...does he want to be married, does he want a divorce, does he want to sell the house, does he want to buy another Harley...the list goes on...
His depression also affects me in that he will deliberately pick fights over the stupidest stuff, or he will be mean and nasty for no reason... There's alot more, but in a nutshell, his bad behaviors are largely a result of him being depressed.
So, I'm wondering how do I get him to acknowledge his serious depression and *do* something about it??? I go to counseling and have for a long time myself because I have my own issues (ptsd and anxiety disorder) that I try to improve--but H doesn't feel he "needs" counseling.
All my close friends who know both of us say that he's depressed and needs meds, and alot of them have been through it themselves or with their partners so they can see it in my H...
But I don't know how to get him to see what a problem this depression is...and I don't know how to get him to seek the help he needs...