Best way to respond to passive aggressive behavior. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 08-20-2011, 01:12 AM Thread Starter
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Best way to respond to passive aggressive behavior.

My husband is diagnosed and is taking medication for depression. I do think it's more, and have changed my own responses to these cycles greatly (which has helped). He is having a particularly bad week right now with 8 days of anger at the world and in particular, passive aggressive behavior. As I just recently figured out that what I'm seeing is passive aggressive behavior, baiting and basically crazy making, I've done a bit of reading, but thought I'd also ask here how to respond the best way.

The sad part is that we've been dealing with cycles like this for over 5 years now, and had just gotten through the longest stretch of him being ok (8 months or so).

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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 09-08-2011, 07:07 AM
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Re: Best way to respond to passive aggressive behavior.

Hi Michelle, I just saw this post & wanted to point you towards inner bonding (you can google it). It's something that has been working for me & is perfect for dealing with passive aggression because it teaches you to focus on yourself, which basically makes you immune to the negative energy you're getting from the passive aggressive person without having to control him (since this is impossible anyway!).

My ex- was passive aggressive, having learned this from his family, and I learned over time not react to the behavior, when possible not even commenting on it at all. Eventually the person stops trying to bait you & starts being more direct.

Hope this helps!
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 09-08-2011, 10:25 AM
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I agree. You have to focus on yourself. My husband is also severely passive aggressive, and he made me think I was really losing it and going crazy! When I learned more about the disorder I was A.) able to share with him what I thought was going on (he was able to relate as having a "crazy" spouse is a symptom for him), B.) call out the specific behaviours and defense mechanisims as they occured (although this did make me hypervigilant and appear critical/nagging), and C.) I was less emotionally reactive to all the little things he did to drive me up a wall. I learned it was my "wall" and my choice whether or not to "climb" up it. Sadly a passive aggressive person often learns to be that way after being oppressed and sometimes abused. A small amount of empathy is needed to help you deal with his behaviours. I wish you luck, I know this can be very difficult to deal with! *hugs*
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 09-08-2011, 10:36 AM
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Re: Best way to respond to passive aggressive behavior.

Google books on dealing with passive/aggressive people. You can choose to ignore them if you wish, they may or may not stop. The best thing to do is when they act like that is to call them out on it. Acknowledge the fact you know what they are trying to do, tell them you're not playing the game(thats pretty much what it is to them, game playing) do not take what they are doing/saying personally. Realize they have some issues and then go about your business. Don't play their game, its what they want.

"When people are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's when they will make a change."
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