Husband has Mystery Illness, and my Dad died.... - Talk About Marriage
Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

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post #1 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-13-2015, 10:12 PM Thread Starter
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Husband has Mystery Illness, and my Dad died....

Hi everyone, this is my first post on here. It's a long one!!

My husband and I got married in June of 2013. He was super healthy, followed a vegan diet, no smoking or drinking, and was training for a marathon that he was planning on running in the Spring of 2014.

In Early January 2014, overnight, he developed strange mystery symptoms. He had a massive headache, stomach pain, digestive issues, vomiting, hallucinations, paranoia, an extreme tolerance to cold and complete insomnia for 5 days.

He eventually was hospitalized in behavioral health because of this for 2 weeks, where they got him sleeping with meds and his personality went back to normal. They sent him home with me with medication, (Risperdal and Seraquel) which he did not react well to, so he discontinued use. Their informal diagnosis was bipolar...

For the next 4 months, it was a nightmare. He could not sleep at all, he would maybe sleep 3-4 hours on a good night, had terrible digestion and memory fog, headaches...etc. His personality was okay though, no paranoid states occurred again.

Finally in June, he started sleeping more again but not as well before this incident, also, his athletic performance never returned to its previous potential. We were renting a house at the time, and started looking at apartments.

The week before we moved, my dad got diagnosed with cancer for the 2nd time. I was really stressed about this, and when we moved into the apartment, my husband's insomnia started up again.

He swears he physically can not be in our apartment or he will die of a stroke. He has not been sleeping in the home with me for months now, he sleeps in his car parked somewhere he will not tell me about. He had accused me of possibly poisoning him and starting this whole problem in the first place. He tells me I am always negative and guilt tripping him, and he can't be around any people without feeling symptoms. I've heard many times about how evil people in the world are, and how they are against him.

I've asked him many times to go to the doctor, maybe try different meds, go to a naturopath, stop being vegan, nothing works!!

And I am more frustrated than ever because this last week Monday, my dad passed away from his cancer at age 49.

I am heartbroken, and have no support whatsoever. He just talks about his health problems, how he is going to die in a few days, when I tell him I have seen what death looks like. I pretty much watched my dad's neck rot away from the cancer and saw him get colder and more frail. It was hell, and I really need him at home right now. I just spend the entire day with my mom and siblings for support, I probably see my husband for 5 minutes a day when he stops in the house, says it's giving him a headache and is making him sick, and drives away again.

Should I stick with this or end it? I really don't know what to do...the death of my dad has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, and I see the kind of support I get, and it scares me.

Thanks for reading this...

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post #2 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 06:30 AM
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Re: Husband has Mystery Illness, and my Dad died....

He cannot NOT take anti-psychotics with the symptoms you describe. Part of my "job" with my wife since her break is to monitor her regular dosage and her symptoms. The drugs do work!
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post #3 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 06:59 AM
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It's no mystery illness he needs to take his meds. Honestly I wouldn't just walk away from your husband. I would try to help him understand that he needs to talk to his psychiatrist. They can switch his doses or help him find ways to deal with his triggers.

I would find support on dealing with your father's death with other family members. Try to understand your husband isn't in the right mind frame to show you the support that you need. He needs help.
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post #4 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 07:40 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband has Mystery Illness, and my Dad died....

That is true, I shouldn't be angry for my husband not being able to support me right now. He can't help what he's feeling...

I have tried to tell him about medication, how it's okay...how I would take medication if I needed it, how it's nothing to be ashamed of. He is just really against it. He only took it when he got out of the hospital because he was forced by the court who said they would be monitoring. But since he found out they didn't really check in, he stopped.

He insists the root cause is mercury poisoning or parasites (he's really into alternative health) and that the electric fields and WIFI at our apartment make it cause his symptoms (even though I can be in it just fine). He keep trying different diets, parasite cleanses and metal detoxes...
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post #5 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 07:43 AM
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Re: Husband has Mystery Illness, and my Dad died....

My h had symptoms of bi polar, and I don't think that's what your h has; I think what he has is much more severe. I stood by my h for 7 years after his confession of infidelity, but his problems started a year or two before I knew how severe they were. I am sorry about your father; my mother died of cancer in September, after being diagnosed a year ago, and she too had issues with her neck such as you describe.

You said your father's diagnosis with cancer was the 2nd one. When was his first? Was it anywhere around the time your h started having his problems/symptoms?
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post #6 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 10:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband has Mystery Illness, and my Dad died....

I am sorry to hear about your mother...cancer is such a horrible way to have to watch your loved one suffer. My dad was unable to speak for months after his surgery in September, he had a tracheotomy, severe lymphedema where his mouth was extremely swollen. His eyes were swollen shut most days, he was on a feeding tube and his ears were swollen almost completely shut. They pretty much said there was nothing they could do because he had so much radiation last time the neck area was very damaged, and his major arteries and airways were in danger. He was bed ridden up until the end, but his heart ended up stopping on its own....

The first time he was diagnosed was in the summer of 2012, I remember my husband coming to visit my dad at the hospital and being supportive. The most "bipolar" or off things he would do before he got sick was just being in a bad mood for no reason some days, or being really selfish and just refusing to do things with my family or for me. What confuses me the most is how this happened so severely and suddenly. He used to sleep like a baby, and loved to nap.Since that day in January, he just can't sleep, and all of the symptoms started overnight. He had so much energy and amazing health before...
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post #7 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 10:52 AM
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Re: Husband has Mystery Illness, and my Dad died....

SF, how old is your husband?

If you truly love someone you want that person to have the freedom to become everything they seek. You want your partner to soar, not to imprison them. - Pluto2
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post #8 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 10:55 AM
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Re: Husband has Mystery Illness, and my Dad died....

I'm not ready to totally discount that this is a thing.

Girl's Suicide Blamed Unproven 'W-iFi Allergy' : Discovery News

If you truly love someone you want that person to have the freedom to become everything they seek. You want your partner to soar, not to imprison them. - Pluto2
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post #9 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 11:08 AM
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Re: Husband has Mystery Illness, and my Dad died....

Good evening
dealing with mental illness is extremely difficult - it becomes so hard to separate real symptoms form imagined ones. I remember dealing with this with my father for the last few years of his life. Were drugs helping or hurting? Generally the answer was both - they would fix some problems, cause others. He was briefly institutionalized - came back so drugged up that he was barely aware of his surroundings.

He was seriously paranoid - but some of the paranoid claims WERE true - someone WAS stealing money out of his wallet(!). The drugs were making him feel terrible - but without them he would walk around the retirement home naked, and believed that nurses were trying to poison him.

Its horrible, and tragic, and I don't know what to suggest. You have my sympathy, but no useful suggestions.
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post #10 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 12:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband has Mystery Illness, and my Dad died....

He is 25, almost 26...I would love to buy a house if the problem has to do with electronics and WIFI, we are just stuck in a lease right now...and if the house didn't help, we would be even more stuck.

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post #11 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 12:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband has Mystery Illness, and my Dad died....

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Originally Posted by richardsharpe View Post
Were drugs helping or hurting? Generally the answer was both - they would fix some problems, cause others. He was briefly institutionalized - came back so drugged up that he was barely aware of his surroundings.
The drugs were hurting...a lot. With Risperdal, he felt like bugs were crawling under his skin, and he just had the need to pace constantly. The seraquel made his so depressed he felt suicidal and would just lay on the floor staring into space blankly. I can see why he doesn't want to try something else...I have been trying to suggest something like Xanex that would possibly be less intense and could take the edge off. He was almost willing to try that once...but he changes his mind obviously.
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post #12 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 12:42 PM
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Re: Husband has Mystery Illness, and my Dad died....

Wifi has been reported as causing people problems. You can shut the Wifi off. Why would a mental illness cause him digestive issues?
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post #13 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 01:39 PM
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Re: Husband has Mystery Illness, and my Dad died....

I think it's worth giving this another shot but you have ot know where he's sleeping. That's just not safe and he sounds like he could be paranoid schizophrenic - not just bipolar. I'm not a doctor and have zero experience with this, BTW. But here is what I would do: buy a tracker or track his phone. Call the police and tell them what is going on and have him involuntarily committed. He needs real psychiatric help and he needs to be on medication. If one makes him feel like bugs are crawling on him then he needs to find another one. He needs medical supervision for this. He can't stop taking anything; he has to be medically transitioned from one medication to another.

This is tough love. I'm sorry you are having to find out just how tough AND compassionate you can be. If this doesn't work and he becomes super paranoid or volatile, you'll have to let him go but right now give him a chance to straighten out. I typically don't go straight for meds but his symptoms don't sound behavioral - they sound like a chemical imbalance to me. I knew a man once who had to go to these extremes with his wife. They also had children and it was very hard on everyone and eventually they divorced as it became too much for him to handle.

Also, consider having children with this man very carefully. Mental illness, while treatable, can be hereditary and quite a burden. If you two decide you want a family, donor sperm or adoption may be the best route for you.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family-...-my-story.html

“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer." - Albert Camus
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post #14 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 01:42 PM
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Is there a family history of mental illness? He sounds paranoid schizophrenic to me, his age fits within the typical onset period as well although I personally know someone who was in their 30's before developing symptoms. He needs to see a psychiatrist & try different medications to find what works. It can be difficult to find something that works & doesn't drug him up too much either. It can take a long time to find the right meds but there are many options so don't give up.

The other part to remember is that when you do find something that works, do not let him stop taking it once he feels better. Most meds take some time to build up in order to work & also take some time to wear off, so many make the mistake of stopping & thinking they're okay without the meds until a couple months down the road the symptoms are back full force. You will need to be responsible for making sure he stays on them.

You should also be aware that he may never be the man you married no matter how well medication works. This is the hardest part about being married to someone with mental illness. If you are in the US look up NAMI - National Alliance on Mental Illness for family support groups. They are a wonderful resource for not only support but also in navigating the system & getting the help he needs.
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post #15 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 01:53 PM
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Re: Husband has Mystery Illness, and my Dad died....

I'm very sorry about your dad. My mom died in 2013 and it was a rough year and I still have moments of sadness missing her. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Just a question...have you had your house checked? The reason I ask is because about 2 months I was listening to HLN and there was a case about a family with mold in their home and it caused different symptoms for every member of the household. But the youngest boy suffered very similar symptoms to your husband and ended up with irreversible brain damage. The mold wasn't visible...it was through the insulation, studs. The mother never had any severe symptoms but the husband was constantly ill.

There are also sprays that they use for bug control that some people have some serious reactions to.

Is there any chance that what is happening to your husband can be timed to some change in your environment? Does your husband's symptoms decrease when he's out of the house?

Its strange that he went from feeling well to this level of problem but I know it does sometimes happen with schizophrenia...it triggers at certain ages. How old is your husband?
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