Re: Treating Depression with Talk Therapy?
My husband has depression. It is so hard!! I totally relate to what you're going through.. my husband is on and off meds all the time, and refuses to go to therapy.
Our last "big talk" about the depression, I think, had an impact on him. I was able to explain to him, in the simplest terms I could, the cycle he goes through. I told him, "When you're going into a bad spell.. I always know because you start complaining of aches and pains; that lasts about a week. After that, you start separating yourself from the family and the world.. you refuse to leave the house, you blah blah blah... After a week or two of that, you start lashing out at me; and start blaming me for things that are out of my control"
When I was able to show him that... even draw it out like a picture... I saw something click in him. He told me he's never noticed a cycle, and doesn't know what's happening when it's happening.
I would also like to suggest that you start viewing your wife and her depression as 2 different beings. That's what I do and it helped BIG time. So when my husband starts lashing out and calls me names, I can say to myself, "that's not him saying that. it's the depression. my husband would never say that to me" .... of course, I realize this can only so far; afterall, maybe it's not HIM saying it... but it still comes from HIS mouth and he needs to be held accountable for that.
It's incredibly hard to get through to a depressive when they feel pressured or forced. Last month, I told my husband that I would no longer to the leg work for him. If HE wanted to get better, HE had to make the calls... HE had to PICK UP the phone. If he didn't do any of that, I would leave him. He asked me for help, and I said no. As long as you do all the work... they aren't focused on getting better... they are going through the motions that your guiding them through.. and that almost NEVER works out. He asked me , "how do I do this? where do I start?" and I said, "if you want it, you'll figure it out. IT"S THE HARDEST THING I"VE EVER DONE... said no to helping or supporting him. But ya know what? He figured it out.
I suggest you read some books on being married to a depressive... go to therapy by yourself. People like you and me are NOT in an easy spot. Good luck!