Originally Posted by NextTimeAround View Post
I decided that both my mother and exH are passive aggressive.
One parting remark that my exH made was that the more I asked him to do or not do something, the more he wanted to do the exact opposite.
Well, at least yours said it out loud.
I have a list of about 20 things that need to be taken care of at our house. Some haven't been fixed in 13 years, like holes in the ceiling. These are things I don't know how to do. I've never paid someone else to do them because he throws a fit and makes my life miserable. Now we're so in debt I can't afford to pay someone anyway.
The point is, he won't do ANYTHING if I ask him to do it. BECAUSE I ask him to do it. For 35+ years, if I ask him to do something, even if I tell him I would do it myself but I don't know how, he will look me right in the eyes, not say a word, turn around, and either go lay down on the couch and go to sleep, or go do something HE wants to do (obviously none of the things on the list).
The last time we fought, I told him that I had come to the conclusion that, if I need something done, really need it done, I have started asking him to do something ELSE. Why? he asked. Well, I replied, I have discovered over the past 3 1/2 decades that you will never do anything I ask you to do. But you WILL go do something else. So I realized I have a better chance of him actually picking what I DO want done out of spite, if I don't ask for it, than I do actually asking for it.
He had no response. But he still won't do what I ask.
My IC's response was to give me the name of a handyman to call. She said nothing will ever change until I stop handing him my power.