I am a newcomer here and am almost at my wit's end. I'll try to keep this brief but we all know how that goes when writing about a problem or group of problems.
My wife grew up in a home as the youngest child and was always shunned because she was overweight. Not obese or anything, but maybe 20 lbs. overweight at any given time. She also had some bad relationships in high school and college. All this pushed her to become active at the gym and on her bike (which is a great thing to do).
She is now in her early 40s with two great kids and in a financially stable home and a very stable relationship with me. Until lately.
She's always been one to dabble in the MLM things like cosmetics, foods and cooking utensils and spices. About a year ago she joined an essential oils MLM and all we have in our house now is diffusers and if one of us gets a headache out come the oils it seems.
I don't mind the oils at all. They genuinely seem to be a good thing for most ailments. But she has taken up something entirely new and I'm not sure what to make of it.
For the past 4 months she has been on a strict gluten free, sugar free, dairy free, no red meat diet. Combine with going to the gym 4 days a week, she has lost a considerable amount of weight in those four months...somewhere around 15 lbs. It would be more but she is a pretty muscular girl and a lot of fat is being converted to muscle.
This all sounds like a great thing and while I am happy for her, part of me is also watching her wither away mentally. She has gone from being a very positive person to someone who is always negative about the environment around her.
At home, she is beyond moody with our oldest child (9) and has no patience for him. She speaks to him in one tone of voice (a half yell if that's what could describe it). She insisted we all eat what she makes for dinner (remember it gluten free, sugar free, dairy free, no red meat) so what used to be things like fish and chips or fun foods for the kids has been replaced by black bean burgers and quinoa soup. Not exactly what the kids (or me) are looking for. So, after realizing none of us were eating what she was making, she has resorted to cooking two meals -- one for her and one for the rest of us. This has led to dinners pushing 7 p.m. and our youngest goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:00. Not exactly a lot of family time.
She's also "banned" junk food in our home like chips or ice cream. I understand she wants to eliminate any temptation, but I feel as though the rest of us are being cheated out of enjoying the odd guilty pleasure.
Our life in the bedroom has also suffered immensely, particularly of late. She works out early in the morning before I go to work and by the time 9:30 rolls around that night she is exhausted and just wants to sleep. In between, she works part-time (6 hours/day), does laundry, vacuums the house, dishes, grocery shops, cooks meals, does baking (because God forbid we actually buy a bag of cookies instead of baking two dozen every week), etc. I help wherever I can but she says I'm more valuable watching the kids (more like keeping them out of her way) while she does all this so I oblige her. So, by the time all of the daily things are done, there is no "us" time left in the bedroom (our oldest goes to bed at 8:30 and she's worried that if we are intimate before 9:30 he will hear us and by 9:30 she is too tired and just wants sleep).
I've also received some messages from a couple of her female friends who have noticed changes, too. She won't go for lunch with them anymore because of this new diet. Restaurant food is now disgusting to her and she won't eat anything unless she has made it or it is a raw food like a salad with a "pure" dressing or fruits or nuts. So, she is losing out on social outings with friends and even co-workers. My son recently had a sports wind-up and she packed her own meal while everyone else ate pizza and salad.
Her friends are also telling me that she wants to change jobs now because the janitors at her work are using harsh chemicals that leave behind an odour that is making her ill. I don't know what has changed being that she has been there for 10 years and it's the same janitors as always using the same products.
She's also gotten deep with some books about cancer and all the things that reportedly cause it and how to try and avoid it. This has led her to some pretty rash decisions. She has:
- thrown out her tooth floss (cancer causing)
- only drinks bottled water
- never re-uses a plastic water bottle
- only buys organic fruits and vegetables
- uses an all natural laundry detergent (which now gives me rashes but that's okay as it is better for me in the long run, so she says)
- only uses a homemade formulation of dish detergent (has gone so far as packing a bottle for trips to relatives and friends and insists they "try" it while we are there
- has switched from tupperware to glass storage containers
- insists I wipe down the interior of her SUV using a homemade soap formula instead of the stuff I have always used
- uses an all natural deodorant (I told her it doesn't work but she still uses it)
I could go on and on but those are the ones that come readily to mind. I'm to the point I've started speaking my mind with her and it's not going too well. I gave her an ultimatum earlier this week by telling her that unless she starts to moderate, she will lose everyone around her that loves her -- me, her kids, her family, her friends. My son figures she has lost her mind...that's how bad it is. She insists that she is only doing this to protect herself and the ones she loves and if they don't agree with what she is doing they are only harming themselves and that maybe they shouldn't be part of her "new life".
Does anyone else have a spouse that has gone down this road? Am I wrong to stand up to her and tell her she is going too far?