Pretty convinced my wife is anorexic, refuses to see a doctor, how do I approach it! - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

User Tag List

 33Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 22 (permalink) Old 05-14-2016, 08:16 AM
Member
 
LosingHim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Nowhere near where it's sunny enough to make me happy
Posts: 167
Re: Pretty convinced my wife is anorexic, refuses to see a doctor, how do I approach

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guest12345 View Post
Not all anorexics purge. Some do; not all.
She may not even be anorexic. There is a broad spectrum of eating disorders.
Posted via Mobile Device


I'll get through this, one day at a time.
LosingHim is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 22 (permalink) Old 05-22-2016, 08:58 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 274
Re: Pretty convinced my wife is anorexic, refuses to see a doctor, how do I approach

There is a lot of dangerous misinformation in this thread.

I have had a diagnosed eating disorder for over half my life, and my entire adult life. It started off as anorexia nervosa, restricting type, and over the years I have had phases of atypical anorexia, compulsive exercise, anorexia - binge purge type, EDNOS, all punctuated by relapses into AN-R.

Eating disorders are not simply diets taken too far. Body dysmorphic disorder is not just hating your thighs or the way your butt looks in jeans. There are neurological and biological aspects to the disease that are incredibly powerful. Vanity has nothing to do with it for the vast majority of ED patients. Read more here: http://www.ryandoesresi.com/2015/08/...want.html?m=1#!

Your wife needs to be properly diagnosed and evaluated for treatment. Eating disorders are the deadliest mental illnesses. And recovery is a long and difficult process. It's nowhere near as simple as "just eat."

IMO, if your wife's stats are that severe and have been for any length of time, it's time for a true intervention. Tell her how her illness is affecting you. Be completely honest; do not protect her feelings. Tell her if things don't improve you will need to divorce so that you can be in a relationship with someone whose primary relationship is not with food, but with you. She will have to hit rock bottom to want recovery.

Do not, under any circumstances, take her to just a nutritionist or social worker for diagnosis/therapy. If her schedule allows it, intensive outpatient (3 hrs per day x 3x/wk) or partial hospitalization (9am-2 or 3pm Monday through Friday) have been transformative for a number of people I know, but many of us really need inpatient. I personally can't do inpatient as I'm the primary breadwinner and my employer is too small to be forced to offer short term disability / medical leave, but at this point, I would cut off my own left hand to be able to do inpatient.

There's so much more I could say but this is long enough already.

Sent from my VS986 using Tapatalk
dignityhonorpride is offline  
post #18 of 22 (permalink) Old 05-22-2016, 10:06 AM
Member
 
happy as a clam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 5,429
Re: Pretty convinced my wife is anorexic, refuses to see a doctor, how do I approach

I'm curious... What is all the "dangerous misinformation" you are referring to? The advice given seems pretty solid to me.
Posted via Mobile Device

"Love is chemicals masquerading as choices!"
~ Sandfly
happy as a clam is offline  
 
post #19 of 22 (permalink) Old 05-22-2016, 02:14 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 274
Re: Pretty convinced my wife is anorexic, refuses to see a doctor, how do I approach

Quote:
Originally Posted by happy as a clam View Post
I'm curious... What is all the "dangerous misinformation" you are referring to? The advice given seems pretty solid to me.
Posted via Mobile Device
That anorexia usually involves purging, that purging is only vomiting (compensatory purging includes fasting, abuse of laxatives/diuretics, overexercise, etc), that showing her pics of herself next to other people is a good intervention.....
"Lots" was an overstatement on my part, I'll give you that. I can tend to overreact, because of my history, when EDs are oversimplified/the symptoms get distorted or confused.

Sent from my VS986 using Tapatalk
dignityhonorpride is offline  
post #20 of 22 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 06:44 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 10
Thanks for the post. I tried the intervention route enlisting friends/co-workers who care about her. It went horribly. There is a ED center nearby that has the program's you described. She felt so betrayed and took it all out on me, did say an uneccessary word to me for about two months.

I fear this will end with me moving out (separation leading to divorce). I cannot wrap my head around her denial. I can pinpoint the start of all our relationship problems to the onset of her ED and she can't see it. What scares me is it will just be her and my daughter (14). I don't think her behavior will influence my daughter but if it gets worse there is no one to help. I won't be far away, just not in the house.

The thought of moving out scares me too. We met when I was 19 in the military, married a year later and have now been married almost 21 years. I don't know any other life.
Sflorida75 is offline  
post #21 of 22 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 07:22 PM
Forum Supporter
 
blueinbr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,009
Re: Pretty convinced my wife is anorexic, refuses to see a doctor, how do I approach

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sflorida75 View Post
I fear this will end with me moving out (separation leading to divorce). I cannot wrap my head around her denial. I can pinpoint the start of all our relationship problems to the onset of her ED and she can't see it. What scares me is it will just be her and my daughter (14). I don't think her behavior will influence my daughter but if it gets worse there is no one to help. I won't be far away, just not in the house.

The thought of moving out scares me too. We met when I was 19 in the military, married a year later and have now been married almost 21 years. I don't know any other life.
SF,

Have you contacted any support groups for FAMILY MEMBERS of people with ED? I posted some links in the thread.

Have you seen a lawyer to discuss your options? What I mean is, can she be forced into treatment? Like if she passes out at work and they have to call 911? Can you handle sole custody of your daughter? Can you WIN sole custody on a temporary basis due to your wife's condition? At a minimum you should have 50/50 custody. If that is too difficult, think again. If you wife does not get help this probably will kill her and you will have 100% custody.

Have you spoken to HER doctors about possible options for treatment?

There are many similarities here between your wife's affliction and alcoholism or drug addiction. Are you co-dependent? Do you want detach from this?

@CynthiaDe OP can use your help here.
blueinbr is offline  
post #22 of 22 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 11:44 PM
Forum Supporter
 
CynthiaDe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,256
Re: Pretty convinced my wife is anorexic, refuses to see a doctor, how do I approach

Quote:
Originally Posted by blueinbr View Post
SF,

@CynthiaDe OP can use your help here.
I really don't know anything about eating disorders or how to handle this situation.

I will, however, say that your daughter should not be left with a seriously ill parent. Speak to an attorney about this.

I'm sure you don't want to enable your wife, but you don't want to desert her either. Have you tried individual counseling with someone that handles eating disorders? You could get information on what to do to help her and if you should leave or stay. I think you really need professional help with this immediately.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
CynthiaDe is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Issues between my wife and my parents SDK8489 General Relationship Discussion 24 05-31-2016 12:49 AM
Long, but please read, im so lost JCI20 General Relationship Discussion 15 05-31-2016 12:49 AM
I need help getting my wife to move past my cheating kylo Coping with Infidelity 32 01-12-2016 04:18 AM
Just cannot seem to get along with my wife breathedeep General Relationship Discussion 144 12-18-2015 10:09 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome