For the past five four years I have dealt with my wife's life threatening illness and with her resulting depression and denial. I share my humble experiences and suggestions:
1) If not already done, goggle anorexia and become an expert on the subject. Find the national organizations that provide help and information, and request or download the info that applies to you. Here are some: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders....orexia-nervosa Eating Disorder Support Groups - National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders
2) Obtain information on how family members can cope or deal with this. You not only have to help your wife, you have to help you and your daughter deal with this to. My therapist suggested I participate in some Al-Anon meetings (although our family issues is not alcohol) to learn how family deals with destructive behavior of a spouse.
3) Call your wife's doctor / GYN. They might resist at first due to HIPA, but since you are not asking for confidential information they can be made to help. Tell them the story and say you need help from them.
4) If you are able to get wife to go to doctor, make sure YOU also go, even it means missing a day's worth of pay.
5) Contact you local health department. In my county the coroner (yes, coroner) has the legal authority to commit a person for medical help if they are a danger to themselves.
6) In your other post, you said you are willing to divorce over the lack of sex. Would you divorce to save her life? I had to threaten divorce, and I meant it, if my wife did not go to doctor to seek help for depression. I have no regrets over that.
7) As all the others have said, do not let the threat of divorce by her to affect what you MUST DO. If she is dead, you will be "divorce" and will lose her anyway. Read this one again and understand this. IMO this is life threatening and imminent risk of death.
8) Check your health insurance to see what benefits are offered to help her seek inpatient mental health.
9) Check your health insurance to see what benefits (and costs) are available when she physically collapses and needs immediate life support.
10) Make plans on what you will do if you need to divorce, or she starts divorce. That might be your only option to save her or save yourself. Read this one again.
11) Understand that you might lose her over this - lose your marriage or lose her life. You cannot control her. Remember, the threat of divorce is not control. You are giving her a CHOICE. She can continue as she is if she wants, but she will to that as a single person.
12) Provide emotional support to your 14 yo. She will be very affect by this, regardless of the outcome.
BTW, does she work? How?
Good luck and my prayers are with you.