Getting scared - Talk About Marriage
Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 05-20-2016, 07:03 AM Thread Starter
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Posts: 148
Getting scared

Last week we brought our son, (nephew whom we raised) to the hospital for medical help and mental help, He was suicidal. He signed himself in to in-patient dual-diagnosis after 3 days of being in the hospital for medical issues, he was transferred there. Met with him and his councilor. She believes he has a degree of bi-polar. In November he was cutting himself and I found out he actually tried to kill himself twice. He is getting released tomorrow or Monday.

A little history.....
he is 23, his mother passed away when he was 5, father was a druggie abused and neglected him and sister. We took him in when he was 8. In our home if you cant pay insurance you don't need a license. When the time came we found out he was smoking pot so we refused to allow him to get his license. We told him if he gave us 2 clean drug tests, we would allow it. He gave us the 2 tests then failed the behind the wheel anyhow. Shortly after that we found out he had turned to cocaine because that only stays in your system for 3 days instead of 30. As soon as we found out, he was told to leave (he had already graduated HS and was 19 1/2)

.....Now my concern, yesterday his new roommate came over to see how he was and bring us some papers. Come to find out he hasn't paid rent in 4 months, allowed his car insurance to lapse and is on the verge of loosing health insurance because of not going to work. I immediately called the councilor, she said they would discuss it because it had to be addressed so he could handle it when he was released. He called last night admitted to everything, doesn't know why he did what he did, collected money for rent from roommate spent it and his paychecks etc. I do not think he is ready to face everything and basically I am afraid we will be planning a funeral.

I don't know what to do


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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 05-20-2016, 08:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting scared

Rehab won't work, he hasn't done cocaine in over a year but doesn't feel there is anything wrong with smoking pot. He has been in a deep depression and I don't feel he is able to face what he has done or be held accountable. I didn't mention that my father-in-law set up a fund for each of his grandkids and in the past 8 months spent the $10,000 in that too. I am afraid he is lying to the councilors as far as his ability to deal with everything and that he will actually be successful should he try suicide again.

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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 05-20-2016, 10:55 AM
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Re: Getting scared

All you can do is let him face the consequences of his choices. He was grieving his mother, his father wasn't a good role model. So now he is on a bad path.

It sounds like you have given him opportunities. Leave the door open for him, but keep your conditions clear. He must stay clean (and provide evidence by you randomly screening him). He must go to work, maintain his insurances and such. If he does that, help him out. If he doesn't, let him struggle on his own.

Do not give him cash (you probably already know that one, but it's worth mentioning). Do not shield him from the consequences of poor choices.

I have friend who went through something similar. He is almost 50 now, but was raised by his Aunt after his mom and dad both passed away. He was lost in his teens through early 20's. Eventually he figured out that was a dead end. He is a hard worker and provider for his family today. Really above average man. Sometimes it just takes a while to find the right path.

Keep the door open for him if you can. But the conditions stand. Make sure he understands it's his choice and under his control. He is likely blaming everyone else for his woes and not taking ownership of his life. The best thing you can do for him is help him understand it's all under his control. And it's not even about the drug use. It's about making bad choices. He was abusing them to a point he had no money to pay his bills, and no desire / ability to show up to work. There are better ways to have fun, that don't impair your life the way drugs do. That's why they are illegal.
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