coping with male infertility - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

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post #16 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 11:24 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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What about a sperm donor?
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Those are the last two words that any guy wants to hear, followed closely by "egg donor".
There but the grace of god go I....

I don't think I could do it. I think I'd hold to either its ours or adopt. Even if that was a deal-breaker for her. This is something that I do not think women are capable of understanding.

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post #17 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 11:28 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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Those are the last two words that any guy wants to hear, followed closely by "egg donor".
How do men feel about the words 'testicular transplant'?
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post #18 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 11:30 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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There but the grace of god go I....

I don't think I could do it. I think I'd hold to either its ours or adopt. Even if that was a deal-breaker for her. This is something that I do not think women are capable of understanding.
I think I'm capable of understanding! Is it about family name, dna, some other guy's sperm in your wife, raising a child that is not biologically yours?
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post #19 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 11:33 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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How do men feel about the words 'testicular transplant'?
Probably somewhat similar to the way that we feel about the words "axe trauma".

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #20 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 11:35 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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I think I'm capable of understanding! Is it about family name, dna, some other guy's sperm in your wife, raising a child that is not biologically yours?
All of the above.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #21 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 11:38 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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I think I'm capable of understanding! Is it about family name
I don't see that as a problem. If you're adopting, then you're giving your name to that child. You're making that child the future of your family. No problems there.


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some other guy's sperm in your wife,
Yep. And another man's child growing in my wife.

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raising a child that is not biologically yours?
Adopting means that too. So would having a step-child. Neither of those would be an issue either.
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post #22 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 11:49 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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There but the grace of god go I....

I don't think I could do it. I think I'd hold to either its ours or adopt. Even if that was a deal-breaker for her. This is something that I do not think women are capable of understanding.
When Mrs. Gus and I were going through all of this stuff, I submitted a few samples. Depending on the day of the week, how bright the sun was shining on that particular day, how closely aligned Mars was to the magnetic galactic axis, etc, I'd get varying results. Sometimes the results were good, sometimes they were fine/borderline, and, in one particular instance (due to an *ahem* lube issue), they were abysmal. Plus, "performing" under those circumstances isn't exactly what I'd call fun.

Long story short... there was a point in time that we thought that we might have to use donor sperm. It was tough for me to hear and we eventually learned that wasn't the case, but by that time I'd come to the point where I told myself that, if nothing else, if we moved forward w/ using donor sperm and had success, that would mean that I'd always have a piece of my wife.

And that was what I really wanted.

Still, I'm not gonna lie... it wouldn't have been easy.

But you know what? Once we found out that our core issues were egg-related, and we were put into contact w/ an egg donor registry? My wife couldn't start browsing that site quickly enough.

"Ooh, Sweetie, look at her... she's pretty!"

"Look, Sweetie... a Latina with blue eyes! We could have babies with your blue eyes!"

"Hmm... I dunno about this one. She's way taller than me. I wouldn't want our kids to be Amazons."

Me? I felt vulgar.

Either way, I think that the difference between men and women in this respect comes down to the way that we're "programmed", if you will -- generally speaking, men want to procreate, and women want to nurture.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #23 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 11:53 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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Yep. And another man's child growing in my wife.
Possession issues?
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post #24 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 11:57 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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Either way, I think that the difference between men and women in this respect comes down to the way that we're "programmed", if you will -- generally speaking, men want to procreate, and women want to nurture.
I feel like there are flaws with this argument, both my sisters have had stepchildren and did not want to 'nurture' them. Neither of the mothers were involved with these kids and you would think that would call the nurturer in both of them, but it did not. Both of them became competitive with those children and their own biological children.
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post #25 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-06-2016, 12:16 AM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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Possession issues?
Come on. Don't hit us w/ that.

It might (technically) be a somewhat fair assessment, but this is primal stuff. Men have very strong instincts wired into us that strongly discourage us from accepting cuckoldry, and the only thing separating this from that is infidelity.

Just how evolved and enlightened are we expected to be when it comes to something like this?

And let's not forget the cost involved -- shelling out tons of cash just so that my wife can carry and give birth to some other guy's offspring?

Ugh.


Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #26 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-06-2016, 12:18 AM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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I feel like there are flaws with this argument, both my sisters have had stepchildren and did not want to 'nurture' them. Neither of the mothers were involved with these kids and you would think that would call the nurturer in both of them, but it did not. Both of them became competitive with those children and their own biological children.
Again, general rule and not something carved into stone. There will obviously be exceptions.

Plus I'd expect anyone to naturally favor their own children over those of someone else. If that weren't the case, adoption would be much more common than it is.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #27 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-06-2016, 12:21 AM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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Again, general rule and not something carved into stone. There will obviously be exceptions.

Plus I'd expect anyone to naturally favor their own children over those of someone else. If that weren't the case, adoption would be much more common than it is.
I tried pointing out to them that most male species kill the offspring of the former male when they take over the females. But they were all 'higher order logic' and all about humans being above that.
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post #28 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-06-2016, 12:22 AM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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Either way, I think that the difference between men and women in this respect comes down to the way that we're "programmed", if you will -- generally speaking, men want to procreate, and women want to nurture.
I think there is more than that though.

First is the fact that women never have had to worry about misattributed parenthood. As a gender, they haven't been fooled and still can't be. There is a strong biological reason for a man to mate guard, and little reason for women to.

The second is that even when a donor egg is used, it still grows inside her. Her body nourishes that egg into a baby.

The real comparison would be using a surrogate.
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post #29 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-06-2016, 12:26 AM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
Come on. Don't hit us w/ that.

It might (technically) be a somewhat fair assessment, but this is primal stuff. Men have very strong instincts wired into us that strongly discourage us from accepting cuckoldry, and the only thing separating this from that is infidelity.
But it's not infidelity or cuckoldry, it's five seconds with a turkey baster. The wife would probably even be willing to let you watch and have a go before and after she uses it.

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Just how evolved and enlightened are we expected to be when it comes to something like this?
Women can feel like that too, did you see the thread about the guy whose wife wouldn't consider donor eggs or adoption because it would make her feel like a failure? It's not just a 'man' issue.

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And let's not forget the cost involved -- shelling out tons of cash just so that my wife can carry and give birth to some other guy's offspring?

Ugh.
Oh, come on now, a sperm bank cant be that expensive. They're all over the place.
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post #30 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-06-2016, 12:28 AM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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I tried pointing out to them that most male species kill the offspring of the former male when they take over the females. But they were all 'higher order logic' and all about humans being above that.
Uhhh... FWIW, some of us aren't. Your abusive assh*le types that wind up beating the sh*t out of their step-children (or worse)? I'd bet money that they're wrestling internally w/ exactly that issue. Because those guys have a much less-developed id/ego/super-ego balance, though, they're not able to get a handle on it.

And of course there's also the story of the Roman soldier returning home after years of being away at war... and promptly killing and burying his wife's infant child.

It happens.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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