coping with male infertility - Talk About Marriage
Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

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post #1 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 07:16 PM Thread Starter
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coping with male infertility

So my wife and I are having fertility issues. We are trying to conceive without ivf. So after about 6 or 7 visits and multiple tests on my wife, I had to take a semen sample.

So first results, about 1million. Now they say average male is around 30 million. I was a premature baby and at the age of 5 had to undergo surgery for an undescended testicle. The doctor said most likely that testicle is not functional hence why it never dropped. So with 15 million, I would still be ok. I was at 1 million. My second sample, under 1 million. Practically shooting blanks. Low progression. Bad news for me. Off to the urologist I go.

So dropping my pants on the first date is uncommon but the urologist insisted, where he discovered a varicocele in my left testicle, which is a high cause of infertility. So we set a date for surgery, he also cut off a growth and did biopsy of said growth as well as my testicle.

I'm still not back to work, the steristrips are coming off now, I'm still a little sore but I'm getting around pretty good. The doctor called. Procedure went well. The growth was not cancerous. The testicle... well, is not healthy and most likely surgery will not change the outcome I went in for.

I'm devastated. Not only did I go through all this, missing almost a month from work, only to find out it may have been worthless? My wife is almost done teaching for the school year. I don't want to tell her now. Part of me wants to wait until after the retest in 3 months. The other part says to tell her after she finishes the school year.

I had the most incredible father. He was my best friend. He died when I was 18. I miss him to no end. I've been ready to be a father for a few years now, and unfortunately I'm unsure if I will ever get to be a father. If I could be half the man he was, my children will be so blessed. My wife wants to be a mother in the worst way now that she's in her mid 30s. I feel like I am robbing us both of our dreams. This really sucks.

So am I wrong on waiting to tell my wife to avoid giving her 3 months of something more to worry about? I feel if I tell her, it's only going to upset her and she has too much going on to take on this information right now.

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post #2 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 07:25 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

Remember high school biology class? Or was it "Sex ed"? "How many sperm does it take to get pregnant?"

Not a million.

Go for IVF and be done with it. You're getting too hung up on the process and not the result.
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post #3 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 07:36 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

Talk to your doc about IUI. It's much more affordable than IVF. I'd try a couple rounds of that prior to moving to IVF. One of my buddies and his wife owe their son to IUI.

Now... there are some things that you can do to up your count, motility, etc...

* Increase your water intake
* Cut sodas, coffee, etc out of your diet
* If you drink, STOP
* If you smoke, STOP
* Start taking a supplement like Proceptin
* If you don't already, START. LIFTING. WEIGHTS.

Your doc might also put you on Clomid to up your testosterone levels; if so, know that you shouldn't be on it for more than a few months at most.

Also, BE HONEST W/ YOUR WIFE. Tell her the truth, and do it tonight.

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post #4 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 07:40 PM Thread Starter
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Well maybe for you, it's easy to pull $20k plus out of thin air for an unsure thing. My wife has complications as well, so to drop that kind of money, non refundable, on a unsure thing... well its not sensable. We are exhausting everything we can that insurance covers. Ivf is not covered. If it was, I would most likely be a father by now.
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post #5 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 07:45 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks Gus. I am on some fertility enhancing supliments. I move heavy machinery 5 days a week. I am taking up some different exercises to try to improve health, I went on a diet, I cut out soda and I don't drink much, only a couple beers Friday night. I have 1 cup of coffee in the am, water all day. I don't smoke, quit 2 years ago.
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post #6 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 08:10 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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Originally Posted by hankthetank81 View Post
Well maybe for you, it's easy to pull $20k plus out of thin air for an unsure thing. My wife has complications as well, so to drop that kind of money, non refundable, on a unsure thing... well its not sensable. We are exhausting everything we can that insurance covers. Ivf is not covered. If it was, I would most likely be a father by now.
Been there and done that.

Wasn't easy, and we do have regrets (and, honestly, are still recovering), but we'd have rather spent the money trying to start our family than the alternative. After all, there will always be more money.

And it was a good bit more than 20K for us, but much of it was for medications and travel.
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post #7 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 08:12 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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Originally Posted by hankthetank81 View Post
Thanks Gus. I am on some fertility enhancing supliments. I move heavy machinery 5 days a week. I am taking up some different exercises to try to improve health, I went on a diet, I cut out soda and I don't drink much, only a couple beers Friday night. I have 1 cup of coffee in the am, water all day. I don't smoke, quit 2 years ago.
If you wear briefs, switch to boxers.

And exercise isn't enough -- you have to lift weights.
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Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #8 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 08:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: coping with male infertility

I usually wear boxers but doc told me to use support until incisions heal. I will have to give weight lifting a try. Probably be good for me in a few ways. I said 20k because that was a quote, if it took or not. Considering what my friends have paid it's the low end for us, and most likely a fail. 20k could get me a new car. 20k could redo our driveway, bathroom and rear patio. 20k could be a nice cruise and vacation. My one friend paid 180k. Another 135k. Another around 15k. They got fairly lucky. I'm a man of faith, so if it's not meant to be, guess the big man has another plan. It just sucks when something that is all to often taken for granted by so many is your very downfall.
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post #9 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 09:37 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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Originally Posted by hankthetank81 View Post
Well maybe for you, it's easy to pull $20k plus out of thin air for an unsure thing. My wife has complications as well, so to drop that kind of money, non refundable, on a unsure thing... well its not sensable. We are exhausting everything we can that insurance covers. Ivf is not covered. If it was, I would most likely be a father by now.
It would have been helpful if you included all the details in the original post, including your need to just vent rather than hear sensible solutions. What's easiest for me is to ignore requests just for attention.

FWIW, IVF isn't "iffy"..if she has an egg and you have at least one sperm, you have a baby. I won't comment on the money not knowing what your other financial responsibilities and priorities are.

Good luck to you.
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post #10 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 09:55 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

You might try reading "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". It's a great book, and will educate you and your wife about everything to do with fertility, her cycle, etc. Putting tab A into slot B at the right time might end up being all you need. And after reading the book, you'll be able to tell when the right time is.

Anyhow, it's a $30 option if you're interested in trying


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post #11 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 10:26 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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Originally Posted by Unicus View Post
It would have been helpful if you included all the details in the original post, including your need to just vent rather than hear sensible solutions. What's easiest for me is to ignore requests just for attention.
Wheaton's rule.
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post #12 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 11:06 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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Originally Posted by Unicus View Post
It would have been helpful if you included all the details in the original post, including your need to just vent rather than hear sensible solutions. What's easiest for me is to ignore requests just for attention.

FWIW, IVF isn't "iffy"..if she has an egg and you have at least one sperm, you have a baby. I won't comment on the money not knowing what your other financial responsibilities and priorities are.

Good luck to you.
You don't know a lot about IVF, do you?

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #13 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 11:06 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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Originally Posted by BioFury View Post
You might try reading "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". It's a great book, and will educate you and your wife about everything to do with fertility, her cycle, etc. Putting tab A into slot B at the right time might end up being all you need. And after reading the book, you'll be able to tell when the right time is.

Anyhow, it's a $30 option if you're interested in trying
Great book.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #14 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 11:08 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

What about a sperm donor?
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post #15 of 59 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 11:20 PM
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Re: coping with male infertility

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What about a sperm donor?
Those are the last two words that any guy wants to hear, followed closely by "egg donor".

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

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