I have been married for 5 months and lately things have been tense. I moved to the U.S from Australia to be with my husband and I am finding myself struggling to be happy here. I am often homesick and as I came from a big city to a small country town, I fell bored and trapped.
I don't have a car and as I am not yet allowed to look for a job, The U.S government has to give me permission to do anything, I spend most of my days doing the same activities until I can't take it anymore.
My husband works 5-6 days a week and on his day off likes to just relax at home playing video games or hanging out with his friends. I am invited to join in this activity but I find it hard to participate because I usually have to repeat myself because his friends/game have the majority of his attention. I love my husband, but I wish he would make more effort to include me and realize that we aren't kids anymore and we have new responsibilities.
I was diagnosed with depression 3 years ago and for a while things were great, but now I think I am relapsing.
I cry myself to sleep on many nights and I have had terrible insomnia. Whenever I try to talk to my husband about my feelings I end up getting angry and saying hurtful things and we have an argument. This has happened at least 4 times in the last 2 weeks.
We always make up and never go to bed angry, but I fell like it is because I give in during the arguments and agree with him just to stop the fight. My husband is a really nice guy and he does care about my feelings but he thinks that when I have a problem, it just needs to be "fixed". I tell him I am lonely so he tells me to talk to his brother more. I tell him I am bored and he tells me there are plenty of things to like play his video games and read. I have been doing nothing but those things for 5 months!
And this morning I came downstairs in a bad mood because of my insomnia and the first thing he asks is "Is it my fault you couldn't sleep?" So I fire back with something I know will hurt.
"I want to go back to Australia and I am sick of living in a hick town". So he goes to work all upset and I get to sit here for the next 12 hours, alone and hating myself. I don't mean to hurt him, but I can't seem to help myself. I feel like a terrible wife.
I am sorry to have gone on such a long and self pitying rant, but I just need to hear some advice from other married people living with depression.
Does it get better?