Depressed Again H Hates Family- No Holidays for me
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Physical & Mental Health Issues » Depressed Again H Hates Family- No Holidays for me

Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

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Old 11-09-2011, 06:08 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Depressed Again H Hates Family- No Holidays for me

I've been married for 2 years and have had lots of problems: due to 1. my family not liking my husband (had no plans, job when we got married)
2. Husband hates my family and doesn't want to do ANYTHING with them (specifically my dad)
3. Financial: Husband is now a student, doesn't work and lives off of my stipend from school (still have 4 years to go)

I have been depressed because of this. During the summer my family, husband, and his family got together to talk about our issues. We had a therapist to help. My family finally said they would try to make things better for my sake (and HAVE). His family said they would be supportive. My husband was quiet most of the time, but finally said he would try. We agreed that my H and I would visit both families for holidays (they live 3 min from each other) and try to get along.

We live in Northern Ca. Both of our families live in SoCal. I miss my family so much but am here because of my education. Husband doesn't let me go alone to visit (he says go but then says I'm a bad wife and selfish). His family is leaving on vacation this chirstmas and not coming home til mid Jan. Now my husband doesnt want to visit my family.

Situation: My Husband doesnt want to try to get along with my family, refuses to go to family gatherings and says I am selfish. My psychologist has told me to put my needs first because of my depression/anxiety. Everyone is playing ball except HIM. I've been dealing with this for 4 years now and its taking its toll.

What should I do? Leave my family and stick with my husband?
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:20 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Depressed Again H Hates Family- No Holidays for me

He is the selfish one. I don't like my So's family. ( mainly her mother who is not allowed in my house) She is free to visit them whenever she likes. They live about 1 1/2 hrs away. If he doesn't like them that's fine, but he has no right to keep you from them.
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Old 11-11-2011, 03:52 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Depressed Again H Hates Family- No Holidays for me

What was it that got him and your family at odds? Is this something that can be settled or communicated on? Is he or your family willing to be neutral for the sake of your relationship and not do things to keep at odds with each other? Actually they both/all should be willing to do this.
My wife and I started off the same way because her mother missed her so much that she was trying to get her daughter to move back with her and forsake me. But in my case,her mother was an alcoholic and died of liver disease soon after this.
I hope you get some good advice here and you and he and family settle this and realise that if you don't then things may get alot worse. I have seen situations like yours go from bad to worse because everyone was stubborn and hard headed,wouldn't buge,and tore up the marriage. If this is the case in your situation with everyone being stubborn amd hard headed then you need someone else,outside of the family to sort the mess out and perhaps put the guilty parties in their place. My suggestion would be a loving and caring pastor with some backbone.
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Old 11-11-2011, 03:55 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Depressed Again H Hates Family- No Holidays for me

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Originally Posted by joe kidd View Post
He is the selfish one. I don't like my So's family. ( mainly her mother who is not allowed in my house) She is free to visit them whenever she likes. They live about 1 1/2 hrs away. If he doesn't like them that's fine, but he has no right to keep you from them.
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