Hi all,
my partner started a sick-leave from work three and a half weeks ago after we had a good intervention-talk in our MC (= I took a stand and said that I feel at the time our relationship is not improving, and that I feel that it is because my partner is not ready to work on us, because she first needs to work on herself). This week she saw a psychiatrist who gave her a month and a half more of sick-leave and medication (Cipralex). The description on the sick-leave says "a mid-severe phase of a re-occuring depression."
I'm relieved that she is getting help, but I guess I'm a bit in shock myself. I knew that things were not alright and that before we could work on our relationship, she needed to get her life sorted out. Eventhough I saw all the signs, I still didn't get what how severe the situation was. I feel awful for not being able to support her better and for not making a strong stand sooner.
It feels like someone did a SixthSense-movie-esque twist on my life. The signs were there, but only now I can piece the puzzle together. It's hard to admit and face that I didn't understand what she was going through. I still think that in her case the problem is not (atleast only) physical, but more like a wound in the soul. She has been an "invisible child" when she was growing up, and it's really hard for her to make herself heard and make her needs/wants/hopes heard.
IEventhough I think that as adults we are responsible for our own happiness and well-being, it hurts me alot to realize that I most likely have un-intentionally caused her a lot of hurt. I'm quite vocal about what I want and need, and if I want something I usually go for it. I'm also not that good at negotiating about stuff. I can see now that my lack of life-skills and communication tools and her lack of being able to set boundaries and be vocal about her needs has been a bad match.
I'm happy that she is getting help, and I feel that by getting help she is helping me aswell to realize my failures as a partner. I'm sad but at the same time relieved and more positive about our relationship than what I was a month ago.
With understanding what she needs now (rest, more space, a shoulder to cry and rest on), I feel like we're getting forward. And to be fair, she has her part in all this aswell. It has been really hard to try to pinpoint what is wrong with our relationship when one person can't bring herself to give any feedback or state what she wants/needs/hopes. I hope that she'll get there with the help she's now getting.
my partner started a sick-leave from work three and a half weeks ago after we had a good intervention-talk in our MC (= I took a stand and said that I feel at the time our relationship is not improving, and that I feel that it is because my partner is not ready to work on us, because she first needs to work on herself). This week she saw a psychiatrist who gave her a month and a half more of sick-leave and medication (Cipralex). The description on the sick-leave says "a mid-severe phase of a re-occuring depression."
I'm relieved that she is getting help, but I guess I'm a bit in shock myself. I knew that things were not alright and that before we could work on our relationship, she needed to get her life sorted out. Eventhough I saw all the signs, I still didn't get what how severe the situation was. I feel awful for not being able to support her better and for not making a strong stand sooner.
It feels like someone did a SixthSense-movie-esque twist on my life. The signs were there, but only now I can piece the puzzle together. It's hard to admit and face that I didn't understand what she was going through. I still think that in her case the problem is not (atleast only) physical, but more like a wound in the soul. She has been an "invisible child" when she was growing up, and it's really hard for her to make herself heard and make her needs/wants/hopes heard.
IEventhough I think that as adults we are responsible for our own happiness and well-being, it hurts me alot to realize that I most likely have un-intentionally caused her a lot of hurt. I'm quite vocal about what I want and need, and if I want something I usually go for it. I'm also not that good at negotiating about stuff. I can see now that my lack of life-skills and communication tools and her lack of being able to set boundaries and be vocal about her needs has been a bad match.
I'm happy that she is getting help, and I feel that by getting help she is helping me aswell to realize my failures as a partner. I'm sad but at the same time relieved and more positive about our relationship than what I was a month ago.
With understanding what she needs now (rest, more space, a shoulder to cry and rest on), I feel like we're getting forward. And to be fair, she has her part in all this aswell. It has been really hard to try to pinpoint what is wrong with our relationship when one person can't bring herself to give any feedback or state what she wants/needs/hopes. I hope that she'll get there with the help she's now getting.