Am I wrong for wanting to leave my depressed husband? - Talk About Marriage
Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

User Tag List

 7Likes
  • 1 Post By triplelove
  • 3 Post By blueinbr
  • 2 Post By See_Listen_Love
  • 1 Post By blueinbr
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 07:21 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 13
Unhappy Am I wrong for wanting to leave my depressed husband?

We are highschool sweethearts, recently got married and I feel like his depression is really pushing me away. He has always had depression, it has always been very serious. He's had multiple hospital visits as suicide attempts, he seems to get better right after he starts treatment but the moment he starts feeling sad again he stops all treatment. Right now we are in a no therapy or medication phase and it is awful. He swears he doesn't have anyone in his corner to help support him through this time.
I'm a stay at home mom to our triplets and that alone is physically/mentally draining. The moment he comes home all the energy i had left is also sucked out of me because he is so dark and sad. I love him so much. I try everyday to talk to him, ask him about his day, anything to make him feel a bit better. It doesn't work. He's so cold. he's so distant. I can ask him a simple question and sometimes he doesn't even respond because it seems like he can't even find the words. it's just so hard. I feel alone. I'm walking on eggshells with him all the time I don't have anyone to ask me how I am. He couldn' t handle hearing me having a bad day he's so down himself.
Sometimes I just get so upset I want to leave. I cry every day im so overwhelmed. Then I feel bad for feeling that way when my love is trying every day just to get out of bed.
He won't get help. Its really ruining our marriage. I don't know what to do.

triplelove is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 07:30 AM
Forum Supporter
 
blueinbr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,328
Re: Am I wrong for wanting to leave my depressed husband?

You owe it to him to help him get treatment. But, if he refuses or decides to stop his treatment, then any consequences are on him.

No, it is not wrong to leave if he stops all treatment. In fact, you owe it to yourself and your kids to have a good life.

I have lived with a depressed wife who is taking meds and doing therapy. But at times I had to pressure her to do that. Some might say that is controlling, but I owed her my best efforts to help her.

First thing for you to do is figure out financially what needs to be done for you to be free of him. It does not mean you leave him (yet). You just need to know your options.
blueinbr is offline  
post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 11:08 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 13
I dont want to want to leave him. He's always concerned about being too much emotionally and is afraid of me leaving because of it. Another reason I feel so guilty for feeling the way I do.
I do a lot tk try to help. Ill schedule appointments for him and hell give me hundreds of reasons why I need to reschedule but eventuLly ill just fold and stop even trying to.
I want to work things out its just so much, hes been dealing with this for so long. I''m worn out
triplelove is offline  
 
post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 11:22 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 82
Re: Am I wrong for wanting to leave my depressed husband?

Tell him if he doesn't seek treatment and continue it as long as necessary then you'll divorce him.

But you gotta mean it.
silex is offline  
post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 11:38 AM
Member
 
Daisy12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 234
Re: Am I wrong for wanting to leave my depressed husband?

If your husband wont help himself, then there is nothing you can do to help him. Please don't let his depression destroy you and your kids. You can be an enabler and I have seen this with a friend, his wife drained him dry with her depression and she would do nothing to help herself, but let me tell you it has damaged their kids and her husband's health has failed because of all the stress. I myself went through post partum depression so I know what it feels like, but I wanted to do what ever it took to make myself better for my husband and my kids.

If he was an alcoholic that wouldn't go to his AA meetings or still had the occasional drink here or there would you stay? Stay strong and do what's best for you and your kids.
Daisy12 is offline  
post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 12:28 PM
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 5,023
Re: Am I wrong for wanting to leave my depressed husband?

@triplelove--@blueinbr is right. You need to help him get treatment, but if he refuses and you've done everything that you can, you need to do what is best for you and your children. And that might be leaving. It's not healthy for you to live with this, and it's not healthy for your kids to grow up in this. You're not wrong for wanting to leave. He's making you miserable.

He might be depressed, but he's also a grown-up. With responsibilities. He owes it to himself, to you, and to your kids to get treatment. You may want to talk to a mental health professional and ask for their advice on how to get him into treatment.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is offline  
post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 12:41 PM
Member
 
See_Listen_Love's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: NW European
Posts: 1,954
Re: Am I wrong for wanting to leave my depressed husband?

Maybe you need professional guidance on this subject.

The only thing I can add to the discussion is that I like to find advice from the best trusted MD I can get info from, take their essential tips, and start with executing one of them to make a new habit.

Almost always that one thing brings about change in my life, and with it comes a lot of other things that work in the right direction. An important source are TEDx Video and Youtube video from these persons. In there they often have to compress the best of their knowledge in a short amount of time, and you can hear what they really think is important.

Good luck.

God Creates out of Nothing. Wonderful you say. Yes, to be sure, but He does what is still more Wonderful: He makes Saints out of Sinners.

Soren Kierkegaard
See_Listen_Love is offline  
post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 01:57 PM
Forum Supporter
 
blueinbr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,328
Re: Am I wrong for wanting to leave my depressed husband?

Quote:
Originally Posted by triplelove View Post
I dont want to want to leave him. He's always concerned about being too much emotionally and is afraid of me leaving because of it. Another reason I feel so guilty for feeling the way I do.
I do a lot tk try to help. Ill schedule appointments for him and hell give me hundreds of reasons why I need to reschedule but eventuLly ill just fold and stop even trying to.
I want to work things out its just so much, hes been dealing with this for so long. I''m worn out
You are codependent, like me. Read the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie
blueinbr is offline  
post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 03:15 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 13
Re: Am I wrong for wanting to leave my depressed husband?

thank you so much guys. im going to take all of your advice into consideration. you are right if he was an alcoholic and not going to aa meetings i would react differently.
triplelove is offline  
post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 03:19 PM
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 5,023
Re: Am I wrong for wanting to leave my depressed husband?

Quote:
Originally Posted by triplelove View Post
thank you so much guys. im going to take all of your advice into consideration. you are right if he was an alcoholic and not going to aa meetings i would react differently.
Now you're getting it. Good luck. *hugs*


~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is offline  
post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-02-2016, 04:35 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: USA/UK
Posts: 160
Re: Am I wrong for wanting to leave my depressed husband?

I've been with my H for 26 years & he's always suffered from depression. It's usually the self deprecating kind but very occasionally it's directed at me (usually when he's found another woman to make him happy!) that's recent bitterness talking...

Anyway, have you tried getting him to do something physical with you & your family? That really helps. Another 'trick' I've tried is researching all of the natural remedies for depression & focusing on the right foods when cooking. Supplements also help.

Like you we've spent our whole adult lives together. If I could turn back time I would of made very different choices for myself. All I can advise is....If he emotionally cheats to 'self-medicate' finish it then & there!!! I'm very sick (chronic pain, cancer etc) & after a lifetime of supporting his depression I'm destroyed by his inability to be there for me when I needed him the most. Depression is such a selfish illness. Don't let him drag you down with him! If I neglected my health & became sicker whose responsibility would that be?
BrokenLady is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Should I leave my husband? Hurtingnz General Relationship Discussion 39 05-23-2016 11:49 AM
War between ex and husband and I'm feeling lost lewislane848 General Relationship Discussion 10 04-07-2016 08:28 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome