Concerned Husband for Wifes Health - Talk About Marriage
Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

User Tag List

 4Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 27 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 10:04 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 11
Concerned Husband for Wifes Health

Hi all,

First time here and just found this forum today. My wife and I have been married for nearly 5 years, and we were together for a year before getting married. When we met, my wife was a little obese but now she has gained alot more and continues to gain more. I have tried suggesting to her come exercise with me (I recently have been starting to exercise hard due to me being a tad overweight and a lot of issues popping up for me) lift small weights, use treadmill, etc but she has responded with are you calling me fat? She has made comments on occasion saying I am just going to eat myself to death and you don't care yet I have tried helping and suggesting stuff to her. Growing up for her I do know she had a rough up bringing. Her mother made weight comments along with relatives to her growing up and her previous boyfriends did not help by cheating on her and calling her names etc. I have tried calling her beautiful and sexy but she keeps saying I look disgusting and I wish I could chop off the weight. She has recently mentioned she wants a lap band or gastric sleeve to drop a lot of her weight and more recently she wants to have kids to, which I do also. I told her the surgeries are not a cure all and in order to maintain a healthy weight she needs to exercise and eat healthy. I have suggested us getting gym memberships but she refused to do that to. Does anyone have any ideas for me of how to help her with this situation? I dont want her health suffering or having her god forbid pass when we are in our prime.

Aither is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 27 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 10:09 AM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 31,657
Re: Concerned Husband for Wifes Health

how overweight is she?

Have you talked to her about her finding a good weight loss clinic? They might try something before going to surgery.
EleGirl is online now  
post #3 of 27 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 10:39 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 11
Re: Concerned Husband for Wifes Health

Few months ago she was 309 lbs and I fear for her health that since she is not exercising it will keep going up.
Aither is offline  
 
post #4 of 27 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 10:41 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 11
Re: Concerned Husband for Wifes Health

I also forgot to mention, I have not asked her about a weight loss clinic because of how she says are you calling me fat. I know I am walking a fine line with insulting her but being concerned with her health.
Aither is offline  
post #5 of 27 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 10:45 AM
Member
 
Lostme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Down South
Posts: 566
Re: Concerned Husband for Wifes Health

The only thing I can offer is to have you go to her doctor, or sit down and talk to her about you being worried about her health and you want her to get healthy before you have children.



You do matter!
Lostme is offline  
post #6 of 27 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 10:59 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 11
Re: Concerned Husband for Wifes Health

I thank you all for the advice. She is on board that she wants to lose the weight before kids since she is turning the 30 in a few months but I have seen no motivation from her to lose the weight either. She keeps saying if we get this surgery it will help me and all but I keep saying its not a cure all. I am looking for a weight loss clinic thats to ele for giving me the idea but closest ones are 2 or 3 hours away. I could maybe suggest one of those instead of drastic surgery like suggested. If there is anything else I could look at to help her or do for her I would love to hear it. I thank you all again.
Aither is offline  
post #7 of 27 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 11:06 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 398
Re: Concerned Husband for Wifes Health

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aither View Post
Hi all,

First time here and just found this forum today. My wife and I have been married for nearly 5 years, and we were together for a year before getting married. When we met, my wife was a little obese but now she has gained alot more and continues to gain more. I have tried suggesting to her come exercise with me (I recently have been starting to exercise hard due to me being a tad overweight and a lot of issues popping up for me) lift small weights, use treadmill, etc but she has responded with are you calling me fat? She has made comments on occasion saying I am just going to eat myself to death and you don't care yet I have tried helping and suggesting stuff to her. Growing up for her I do know she had a rough up bringing. Her mother made weight comments along with relatives to her growing up and her previous boyfriends did not help by cheating on her and calling her names etc. I have tried calling her beautiful and sexy but she keeps saying I look disgusting and I wish I could chop off the weight. She has recently mentioned she wants a lap band or gastric sleeve to drop a lot of her weight and more recently she wants to have kids to, which I do also. I told her the surgeries are not a cure all and in order to maintain a healthy weight she needs to exercise and eat healthy. I have suggested us getting gym memberships but she refused to do that to. Does anyone have any ideas for me of how to help her with this situation? I dont want her health suffering or having her god forbid pass when we are in our prime.
Go ahead with the gastric bypass surgery. If it is a reputable clinic, they will not green light it without her first demonstrating that she can maintain a healthy diet and exercise routine. They will also require her to attend regular therapy session to get at the root cause of her weight issue.

Get fully involved in the process together. Walk her through the process every step of the way. Both of you will need to make her weight management a full time job.

If you care, be proactive. Don't leave the ball in her court.
KillerClown is offline  
post #8 of 27 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 11:16 AM
Member
 
Yeswecan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 3,269
Re: Concerned Husband for Wifes Health

Your W will only work on weight loss when she is ready.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
Yeswecan is online now  
post #9 of 27 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 11:56 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 11
Re: Concerned Husband for Wifes Health

I have been very supportive with her through her stuff and I definitely will be there with her along the way. I would even sign up for the classes to do with her and maybe that would help. I thank you all for the advice and maybe I will call around to get some pricing and suggestions to. She has said shes been ready but there is no motivation or anything that gets her going to start the process.
Aither is offline  
post #10 of 27 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 12:03 PM
Member
 
tropicalbeachiwish's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: La La Land
Posts: 1,538
Re: Concerned Husband for Wifes Health

Don't go through with the weight loss surgery. She needs to be willing to work on it and since she hasn't done so yet, it'll be pointless as she will be back to where she is in no time. Do you think she's depressed? Ask her to get counseling to address the underlying issues of overeating.

Do you go grocery shopping or participate in making meals? Are you a good example for her?

tropicalbeachiwish is online now  
post #11 of 27 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 12:10 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 11
Re: Concerned Husband for Wifes Health

There is only one time I remember hearing her say something near the lines of "Im eating and not even hungry". I wonder if another underlying problem needs to be addressed first. We go grocery shopping together and I point out fruits, veggies, chicken, things like that and maybe 1 or 2 treats. She looks at something and says this looks good or lets try this and in the cart it goes. Sometimes we have more junk food in the cart than regular food but I have been trying to stop and slow that down. She does the cooking and I do the dishes so we are side by side in the kitchen when we cook together.
Aither is offline  
post #12 of 27 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 12:20 PM
Member
 
tropicalbeachiwish's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: La La Land
Posts: 1,538
Re: Concerned Husband for Wifes Health

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aither View Post
I wonder if another underlying problem needs to be addressed first.
Most likely. She's probably feeding her emotions.
tropicalbeachiwish is online now  
post #13 of 27 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 12:30 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 11
Re: Concerned Husband for Wifes Health

Would I need to call around for a counselor then? or is there something else I should be aiming for like a joint weight loss/ counseling type thing?
Aither is offline  
post #14 of 27 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 12:56 PM
Member
 
jb02157's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,012
Re: Concerned Husband for Wifes Health

I would suggest not going ahead with gastric bypass of the like. I've heard that these types of surgeries don't go well and can lead to other worse complications. Weight comes off for those who work at it. Be a good example for her, eat right and so will she. Exercise and continue to encourage her to go with you.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"

Last edited by jb02157; 10-04-2016 at 01:07 PM.
jb02157 is online now  
post #15 of 27 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 01:01 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 11
Re: Concerned Husband for Wifes Health

I have tried eating right in front of her small portions. I am doing my exercise but each encouragement I say, Hey you want to come up and exercise with me? but she goes back to the are you calling me fat. Almost like a defense maybe?
Aither is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How Might Your Marriage be Affecting Your Health? VS Glen Home Page Feature News 2 08-07-2016 07:10 PM
Dating again. Concerned. Almost-Done Life After Divorce 3 06-13-2016 08:34 AM
Want to Separate, but Concerned About Our Children rham4488 Considering Divorce or Separation 12 03-19-2016 07:34 PM
Christian mental health counselor IrishQ Considering Divorce or Separation 5 02-26-2016 12:15 PM
Very concerned truck driver Zulnex General Relationship Discussion 42 01-26-2016 03:27 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome