Hi all. My wife and I have been married for 1,5 years now, at the age of 25. We've had a rough start in some aspects but in general we've been very happy. Our very open communication has helped us sort out everything so far. And everyone has been telling how well we fit together, and we both feel the same way. But recently she's said something that scared me a lot: she thinks she can't stay married to me for tens of years and therefore the thought of divorce has entered her mind because she thinks it's better to divorce at a young age than later on. So soon into our marriage this has triggered a big warning signal for me, and I decided to try an anonymous solution first to see what you all have to say, before talking to people I know.
There are some 'reasons', some of which are background, some of which are consequences, both she and I do not quite know which is which, but here's a list of issues:
-My wife has been losing feelings of infatuation and attraction for me, which would happen at some point maybe but not so soon. She is also less and less into sex and the frequency of sex is decreasing rapidly.
-Related to the above: my wife has been working out a lot. She just discovered how much she likes martial arts, and she's been losing weight and got an even better figure. I supported her and also joined in some of this, and though I enjoy it a lot too, I don't enjoy it as much as she does (she trains 4 times a week, I train twice a week) and I have not been losing weight (I'm on the edge of normal and overweight BMI).
-Because of the martial arts, my wife has gained a lot of confidence. She was a rather insecure person before. She wants to take matters into her own hands and gain control of her life (this is in response to issues she had before she knew me, see next point).
-My wife has been sexually abused as a kid. She's also lost several familly members at a young age. And she has been neglected somewhat as a child. All of this caused a lot of issues, but many of these issues had been sorted out before I knew her. Because of the first thing, saying no has been difficult for her, which adds to the sexual problems but we sort of sorted this out before. More importantly, she says that saying yes when I asked her to be my girlfriend and later to be my wife has not been 100% her choice: parts of guilt and fear were playing too, and now there's confusion. She doesn't want to be in a situation that was not 100% chosen by herself.
There is nothing that she's really unhappy about in our relationship, we love each other and we both enjoy being together. It's just the way she got into the marriage is what she's apparently unhappy about, and not even how I handled it but just her own issues. But we can't redo our dating and engagement period.
I don't know how to solve this issue, since I think the cause is something from the past and outside of my control. I hope you have tips, and else, just the venting helps me a bit
Thank you very much!
PS: Some answers to some posts I expect:
-My wife is not cheating. We are both very honest, sharing all of our thoughts and feelings. She has admitted several times during our relationship that she had a small crush on someone, before anything at all happened, and she also told me when the crush was over. She falls in and out of love easily but is always honest. She has never cheated in the past either.
-I have gained a few kilos during our marriage, but nothing much. She does make a big deal out of it sometimes though, but I think that's a symptom not a root cause. At the same time, we have both been living and eating healthier during our marriage, mainly because of her efforts.
-We don't have kids yet.