What did i get myself into. - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 03:25 AM
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Re: What did i get myself into.

So many women wanting a good man....why to stay on this hell ?

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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 04:41 AM
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Re: What did i get myself into.

Your wife sounds really depressed, why not let her work and get out of the house. I did the not working thing for a few years and it drove me up the wall. It is difficult to become totally dependent on your H for money and social life too when you have always been independent.
Sounds like you are not really listening to her about what is bothering her. Not having ones own money is also a big issue for a woman who was used to being independent.
TBH you sound a little controlling, you seem to want to control finances, how you interact with her family, how she should spend, how she should behave, etc. Marriage is a partnership not a boss-subordinate relationship. Her flying off the handle at you is a sign that there is something wrong under the hood, sounds like alot of resentment and suppressed anger, she loves you but she resents you.
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 12:39 AM
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Re: What did i get myself into.

My stbxw did not work for more than 5 years. Eventually I gave up trying to understand the root causes or reasons for the outrageous behavior. It didn't change the fact that I had to save myself before I became another "unfortunate incident". Be careful of the push and pull effects, it makes you dizzy and hits you right where it hurts. You lose bearings and purpose, and end up just serving her needs. Life shouldn't or doesn't work like that. You are an important person too, and no one is going to save you except yourself.
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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 01:36 AM
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Re: What did i get myself into.

Originally Posted by bigfish View Post
She is 33. She had a career in social work prior to staying home and before that was in the navy.

Past relationships were a mix of dating and a few LTR between 2 and 3 yrs. She was married at 18 but divorced when she was 21 due to physical abuse and her ex is a schizophrenic.

She says she's close with has family but I never see them around we are always going to visit and they all live within 5-10 min of us. I get the feeling her older brother doesn't look upon her kindly. The other two brothers are pot heads.she's the youngest. Dad and mom divorced before she was born. Dad is still spoiling all the adult children to try and make up for something. But he always attaches strings like it's a loan and they have to do things to work it off. Like the wife has to take care of the pets when they are out of town which is quite often and the brothers have to care of other things around the house for them. Funny thing is the last time he gave the wife money (about 2k a year) he asked me to mow his lawn for a month while is mower was in the shop. I told him I couldn't move the 60" ztr over he would have to make other arrangements and then reminded me of the bank of dad check he gave the wife. I then reminded him that he gave that to abby and I do not take money or ask for money from family or anyone. Nor will I be beholden to someone because of money. That went over well. Lol.
Why is her father giving her money? Is she asking for the money?

My kids (20 somethings) have asked me for money in the past. Usually, if I give them money it was either a loan that must be paid back or they had to work it off. I don't see why you think that it's wrong for a parent to expect that adult children don't just get handouts.

I get that you did not take the money so you don't owe anything back. But what is your issue with him expecting them to either pay him back or work it off?

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