Do you worry a lot? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

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post #16 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 02:18 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

I tend to worry too. I think I've gotten a little better with it, but sometimes it sneaks up on me. I definitely worry more than my husband does. Good to know I'm not alone :-)

This is a pretty good article I found online.

How to Stop Worrying: 9 Simple Habits

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post #17 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 02:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

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Originally Posted by MrsHolland View Post
Have you ever tried meditating? It is such a great way to deeply relax. Check out youtube, 1000's of different guided meditations for all sorts of issues. 10 minutes a night before bed can really make a huge difference on your outlook.

I am not really a worrier, my issue is negativity and find great peace when I meditate regularly.
Yes! I meditate a lot, actually...combined with prayer. It helps so much, and for the rest of the afternoon/evening or whenever, I'm fine. Until the next day. lol My fiance talked with me about this last night and said that he wants to help me come up with solutions for my worry. He thinks that much of my worry is the same worry, just processed differently every other day. He said that I'll get past my worries if I have solutions for them, should those worries happen. He's a police officer, and he probably has reason to worry, but I guess it doesn't really get us anywhere. Thank you for your thoughts!

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Originally Posted by MSalmoides View Post
@*Deidre* I came from a family of worriers and my mother was a boss at it. I was a huge worrier early in life but my career experience taught me two things that I now take to heart:

- Over 95% of what we worry about never comes to pass and was a waste of mental energy
- When things that worry us do happen, if we exercise a little patience they usually work themselves out; again wasted energy

It took me a long time to get there, but I've seen things that put the issues that I used to worry about into the right perspective.

Now, for most things that used to worry me? Meh...

~MS
I love the second one especially, the first I've heard a bunch lol So exercise some patience, and things will work out. And it's wasted time worrying about it.

Your mom was a boss 'worrier.'

''Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time.'' - Unknown
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post #18 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 02:27 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsHolland View Post
Have you ever tried meditating? It is such a great way to deeply relax. Check out youtube, 1000's of different guided meditations for all sorts of issues. 10 minutes a night before bed can really make a huge difference on your outlook.

I am not really a worrier, my issue is negativity and find great peace when I meditate regularly.
I've been wanting to try meditation.

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"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."
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post #19 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 02:28 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

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Last edited by MSalmoides; 12-13-2016 at 09:45 AM.
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post #20 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 02:41 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

I come from a family of worriers. My dad and grandmother (his mother) are/were (my grandmother has passed) great worriers, to the point that my mother mocked both of them relentlessly behind their backs (my mother's a winning personality, to be sure). As they've aged, my parents seem to have switched roles. My mother is much more of a worrier now, and my father seems much more laid back.

The way they worry and what they worry about is very different. My father worries for the safety and security of his loved ones, the same way my grandmother did; my mother worries about money and making sure that Christmas and other holidays are perfect. I think this shows what they really care about in life.

I tend to take after my father in this way, and try to temper any worries that are similar to that of my mother, because most of what she worries about doesn't really matter, anyway. When I take after my dad, I remind myself that my loved ones are competent adults who can take care of themselves, and if they need help, they will let me know.

The worst worries are over things I can't control. I worry about my work the most, because my boss can be unpredictable in his behavior and reactions to things, etc, which causes me a lot of stress. When these worries begin to get to me, I do my best to distract myself. Sex helps a lot, lol! But music, reading, a good movie, getting lost in a project... these things help.

My other "bad" worry--because of being in emotionally abusive relationships with my XH and my mom (she's a winner!)--is I worry about every little interaction in the beginning of a relationship. As in, "Why hasn't he texted me all day? Has he decided he doesn't like me anymore?" and things of that ilk. Wondering if his bad mood is because of me, if he's quiet it's because he's trying to figure out how to end things, etc, etc. All of this results in my emotions careening wildly, which is what I've grown used to, due to my previous relationships. (So it takes me a LONG time to get comfortable and feel secure in, well, pretty much any relationship.) And I question EVERY [emotional] reaction that I have now, because I have a really hard time distinguishing legitimate emotional reactions from Pavlovian responses conditioned by my previous relationships--so now I wait before expressing any reaction at all, usually a few days, so I can distinguish between the two, and act on my REAL reaction, rather than a conditioned reaction. (Again, takes me a long time to get comfortable enough to express this stuff, and it takes a very patient person on the other end.)

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #21 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 02:42 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

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Yes, she was!

And yes, exercising patience is a powerful, powerful skill. We are taught that we must "take action" to fix a problem, but many times taking no action and letting the situation work itself out is the best approach. Think "The 180" I've read about here. But for worriers, it's hard to distinguish when patience is in order. That, too, is a skill.

~MS
Many of the things we worry about tend to sort themselves out on their own

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #22 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 02:48 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

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post #23 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 02:58 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

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Nicely done!

~MS
Thanks. I try, but it's not always easy!

Luckily, Real Estate (my beau) is very patient with me... because he realizes that I must be a very patient woman to deal with all of his baggage!

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #24 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 03:27 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

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Originally Posted by Bananapeel View Post
I have a type A personality so I tend to overthink things (I view life like a game of chess where each potential move has a series of possible consequences and I tend to think about those). Instead of worrying excessively I think about potential problems and their solutions and make sure that I have everything in place should something unfortunate happen. For example, when I first started my job I was worried about whether it was permanent, so I got integrated in an essential way and made sure to get along with my boss. When I was concerned about what would happen to my kids stability should I have an untimely demise I went out and hired an estate attorney to make sure that everything was in place for my kids to be taken care of. When I was married I was very committed to being a great husband so that I could try to prevent a bad relationship (this failed but not due to things on my end). I understand that not every problem is predictable, but I do my best to live a good life and take reasonable steps to help things go the way I'd prefer.

What specifically do you worry about and is there some action you can take to conquer your concerns?
I very much relate to this post... this is how I THINK.. I wonder if it's a temperament thing.. I know I am a strong J for judging, explained here :

Quote:
J = Judging Characteristics

Plan many of the details in advance before moving into action.

Focus on task-related action; complete meaningful segments before moving on.

Work best and avoid stress when able to keep ahead of deadlines.

Naturally use targets, dates and standard routines to manage life.

A Judging (J) style approaches the outside world WITH A PLAN and is oriented towards organizing one's surroundings, being prepared, making decisions and reaching closure and completion.
I take my worry and ask myself.. WHAT CAN I DO TO prepare for this -in case the worst happens ? Is there anything I can do NOW to prevent this fear from coming upon me (or our family)?

Yes... this has "Over thinking" tendencies with it... but I've never felt this was all bad... this allows us to think ahead for every possible pitfall that could come our way.. if there is any action to take to lesson those risks.. this alleviates my mind .. feeling I am doing all I can in any given situation..

I also calm myself with statistics.. generally what we worry about.. the probable statistical chance of it actually happening is very small....

I have found praying about something can help too, whether there is a God, if he hears me.. I'd like to believe so... ...I recognize my humanness...watching the news, we are reminded daily - life can be taken in the next breath, a car accident could wipe out an entire family....it's a sobering thought.... None of us are immune..

Worry is primarily based on fear and uncertainty. It's the anxiety caused when we think we might lose something important to us, like our job, a relationship...We're afraid feeling we are losing the ability to control a situation, anxious about the future, afraid of losing a dream..

After we have done all we can to lesson our risks.. then it becomes counter productive to drown ourselves in worry, it's just wasted energy at that point.. would be nice to be able to shut our brains off!!

This past year.. we were very worried my husband would be laid off (one by one his co-workers were)... we took 2 actions to do all we could.. I took a job with health benefits to cover our family (in case he was)... while he needed to get a CDL license so he wouldn't be the next guy on the chopping block, we didn't care how much it would cost...time was of the essence! (He was feeling the pressure!).... thankfully our kids Bus driver talked to the owner , they took my husband under their wing...he didn't need the added School bus endorsement .. but that's Ok... he passed the test a couple months later...a sigh of relief... He still might get laid off tomorrow.. but for now.. we did what we could...
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post #25 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 03:31 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

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post #26 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 03:59 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
I've always been a worrier, and by that I mean that I think of the worst case scenarios happening, and then I worry over them. And they usually never happen. I pray when I feel myself getting stressed over things, but this worry, it's not normal. My friends and fiance try to comfort me about the things I worry over, and it helps, but I marvel at how they don't worry like I do. My fiance just handles things as they come, whereas I'll just worry over things that likely won't happen. My dad is the same way as my fiance. Do men handle worry differently?

Things are great in my life, in all areas honestly, but I tend to worry about something bad happening. If I had to pinpoint where the worry stems from, it's that.

How do you handle stress and worry? Do you ever worry and how do you stop worrying? I appreciate any advice you might have.
Here is what helps me. Accepting that yes something bad will happen, yes it's going to happen that is life. Try to make your self strong enough that you know you can survive something bad happening. That will give you confidence and less fear. You're young and just starting out so a lot of this comes with experience. A great example of this has been for me is that I never fear cheating, I went through it once and survived so I know I will again. Also you need to have a core inner strength and contentment that doesn't come form circumstances, people and things. All of those things can and will change, so don't hold on to those things like they won't, appreciate them for what they are in the moment. Again I think some of all this comes from experience and age.
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post #27 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 04:00 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

I'm INTJ, but very borderline on the I vs E.
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post #28 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 04:04 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

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My fiance just handles things as they come, whereas I'll just worry over things that likely won't happen. My dad is the same way as my fiance. Do men handle worry differently?
I've found that to be the case overall in my life experience... (DISCLAIMER: I AM SPEAKING IN GENERALITIES. YES I KNOW THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS.)

Men tend to think more logically about a situation which puts us at ease. Women tend to think more emotionally so "feelings of worry" tend to impact them more.

ďWhen someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.Ē - Maya Angelou
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post #29 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 04:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

@SimplyAmorous - that is excellent advice!! What tends to happen is I get locked into fear thinking, which my fiance told me is largely what worry is about. Fearing something. So, if I can do as you and others here suggest, try to think the fear through...is the fear warranted? What can I do to offset whatever it is I fear from happening? Fear can paralyze you. It's funny, I can give others advice when THEY'RE worrying.

''Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time.'' - Unknown
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post #30 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 04:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
I've found that to be the case overall in my life experience... (DISCLAIMER: I AM SPEAKING IN GENERALITIES. YES I KNOW THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS.)

Men tend to think more logically about a situation which puts us at ease. Women tend to think more emotionally so "feelings of worry" tend to impact them more.
Yea, I can see that, and sure, there are exceptions. I can think logically, but also if I'm honest, with my emotions. My fiance thinks logically all the time, and shows his emotions in different ways. But maybe men do worry, but don't share it as openly as women?

''Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time.'' - Unknown
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