Do you worry a lot? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

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post #31 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 04:16 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

@SimplyAmorous I'm an INFJ. I do find that planning and preparing for things that I worry about does help me to worry less, or eases the worry and makes me calm.


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post #32 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 04:30 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
But maybe men do worry, but don't share it as openly as women?
That's a fair statement. I mean EVERYONE worries to some degree but it affects certain people more than others.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #33 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 05:06 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

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Originally Posted by MSalmoides View Post
I'm a recovering ENTJ. I get it!
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Originally Posted by Bananapeel View Post
I'm INTJ, but very borderline on the I vs E.
My husband is also a J..(he's an ISFJ)... he's always been a very "safety conscious" man.. takes every measure to avert any dangerous situations for any of us.. gotta have the best winter tires for driving, any hint of bad brakes.. he's on it...

Once we had a DEP guy over to see if our land would qualify for a "Reclamation"... we have 50 ft highwalls on our property..... here we were on top of one of these highwalls...and we come across this FIRE PIT , really nice.. here it was our kids who built this ...very close to the edge.. where someone could fall 50ft to their death.. The Geologist assessing our property took a picture of this & told us finding that just raised our chances because this posed a danger to children...

When he left... we immediately jumped in our truck, drove to Lowes & bought 200 ft of fencing/ posts ...came home & started putting it up.... I wouldn't have been able to sleep knowing a kid might fall off the cliff trying to get up there... (WORRY!@#).... especially seeing HOW they got up there, a couple feet away from the cliff while climbing, a little dirt gives away.. a misstep - YIKES! .

Kids, of course will shrug this off, they are invincible...we worry too much & all that.. they were upset we took away their natural view...but yeah... it had to done.. that became our mission for the next week, then I didn't really think about it anymore.. they could climb up there all they want - next worry.. what if they set the woods on fire !@# We actually hauled a # of gallon waters up there -just in case ...

Not long after.. a bunch of them were having a party up there in the dark... so yeah.. It was good we put it up!
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post #34 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 05:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

So maybe worry is very natural, like a natural response to something about to happen, or to get you to prepare. Maybe without that sense of stress/fear/worry, we might not be so quick to get something done. Or we might just push off important things. But to just worry for the sake of it (like I do sometimes) is what is a time waster, and doesn't add anything to your life. Except sleepless nights lol

My fiance said something pretty insightful the other night when I was talking about a typical worry, that he has heard over and over lol he said ''maybe you think you are doing something by worrying, but you're not.'' Meaning, maybe worrying over a situation will cause us to sometimes feel like we care about something or someone, but worry with no action, is just wasted energy.

You've all been really helpful, thank you.

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #35 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 05:42 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

I am not much of a worrier, and likewise stress doesn't really take hold of me. I don't think this is male/female, in my case just my personality. I have a rather positive outlook so that helps keep any sort of worrying to a minimum. As well, I view stresses as just another challenge, and tend to just focus on the things that I have control over. My W is the opposite, which is one area I think she gravitates towards me with since I can usually help talk down some of her worrying/stress (my junk in the trunk doesn't hurt either )
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post #36 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 06:04 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

Fear can drive us as much as it can halt us. Perhaps the sweet spot is being able to acknowledge the fear, examine it, without being fearful of it. Or something like that.

My mother is a worrier and has anxiety. I can share good news with her and it quickly turns into something to be worried about. The anxiety is veiled with care - that she has experienced such things and wants me to be aware of them too as a precaution. She can spiral from the simplest of scenarios. Sharing that my friend asked me to do her bridal flowers for her (I'm a hobbyist), took all of 10 minutes before she was warning me about getting sued because the flowers wouldn't be what they wanted and that I ought to decline. It took therapy for me to realize how she turns what are typically pleasant things to the negative. And then how to deal with that; telling her straight how I felt and/or accepting she can't be that person for me. Strangely, she can also be my biggest supporter too. As for the bridal flowers, despite self-doubt and nerves about my skill level and wanting it to be good for my friend (not the reasons my mother raised), the flowers turned out beautifully and most importantly, friend was thrilled. And conversely to my mother's imagination, I had wedding guests asking for my business card wanting to book me, thinking I was a professional florist.

Growing up with my mother, navigating through her anxiety, had an effect though. At times when I feel 'worry' I purposely push myself beyond it. Other times though, my thought patterns can go a negative path. My husband is quick to catch that - particularly when I don't realize I'm doing it. He has inner fear that drives him to an extent but seems to have a healthy respect for what it is. Otherwise, he's very much in the present, dealing with things as they are.

I felt worry when he was talking of becoming a volunteer firefighter. It was a path he was taking so I figured I needed to get okay with it. And he helped me with that by including me as much as possible, sharing the support and training and approach. I trust him and the crew know what they're doing and look out for each other. I can't worry when he's on call-outs; it's pointless and not helpful to him or to me. When he arrived home late not so long ago, covered in smoke, I greeted him with a herbal tea and shared a shower to wash him off. That's how I can be supportive. He needed his turnout gear laundered and I felt slight concern/worry about messing it up and was inspecting it afterwards with an eagle eye. Taking a deep breath, realizing and dealing with what's immediately in front of me, is helpful.

Music belongs in a place with hearts beating and brains dreaming and people falling in love. - J.Buckley
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post #37 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 07:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
I am not much of a worrier, and likewise stress doesn't really take hold of me. I don't think this is male/female, in my case just my personality. I have a rather positive outlook so that helps keep any sort of worrying to a minimum. As well, I view stresses as just another challenge, and tend to just focus on the things that I have control over. My W is the opposite, which is one area I think she gravitates towards me with since I can usually help talk down some of her worrying/stress (my junk in the trunk doesn't hurt either )
lol

Opposite attract, as they say. My fiance is so good at getting me to think logically instead of with only my feelings. I just don't want to wear out his patience.

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #38 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 07:55 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

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lol

Opposite attract, as they say. My fiance is so good at getting me to think logically instead of with only my feelings. I just don't want to wear out his patience.
I think it's good to have a balance of the two.

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post #39 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-30-2016, 02:52 AM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

Reading and posting on this blog TAM is addictive.

Reading the sad stories [here] makes all of us cynical, suspicious, maybe paranoid.

Boo!

The imagination is a terrifying thing. Eh?

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #40 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-30-2016, 02:55 AM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
lol

Opposite attract, as they say. My fiance is so good at getting me to think logically instead of with only my feelings. I just don't want to wear out his patience.
You are a lady.

That is the way they build them.


This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #41 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-30-2016, 03:30 AM
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Cool Re: Do you worry a lot?

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
I've always been a worrier, and by that I mean that I think of the worst case scenarios happening, and then I worry over them. And they usually never happen. I pray when I feel myself getting stressed over things, but this worry, it's not normal. My friends and fiance try to comfort me about the things I worry over, and it helps, but I marvel at how they don't worry like I do. My fiance just handles things as they come, whereas I'll just worry over things that likely won't happen. My dad is the same way as my fiance. Do men handle worry differently?

Things are great in my life, in all areas honestly, but I tend to worry about something bad happening. If I had to pinpoint where the worry stems from, it's that.

How do you handle stress and worry? Do you ever worry and how do you stop worrying? I appreciate any advice you might have.
This is not scientifically founded, but I do feel that it does seem rather inherent that women, as a general rule, do have the propensity to over-worry, moreso than their male counterparts!

I don't quite know if it is something that is just gender specific or even of a hereditary nature, but both of my X's, and most of my female relatives, as well as my friends, always seemed to thrive on worrying about things that bothered them; while the males in their lives were always, almost to a fault, just rather laid back and calm about those negative things that were going on within their own personal domain!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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Last edited by arbitrator; 11-30-2016 at 05:42 AM. Reason: Edification
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post #42 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-30-2016, 09:37 AM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

It is better to "worry" then "war-ye", Eh?

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #43 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-30-2016, 04:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

Well, I'm happy to share that the thing I've been worrying about, I dealt with it today, and ...I'm no longer worried about it. lol It is something having to do with work, I kept feeling down about it yesterday, worrying over it. Today, I made some small goals and achieved them and the worry is gone.

I can do this!

Now...what else can I find to worry about? Hmm....

Just kidding!!

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #44 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-30-2016, 04:59 PM
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
Reading and posting on this blog TAM is addictive.

Reading the sad stories [here] makes all of us cynical, suspicious, maybe paranoid.

Boo!

The imagination is a terrifying thing. Eh?
You know, I actually think being on TAM has had the opposite effect on me. But I was (and still am) pretty far down the cynical / suspicious / maybe paranoid road before I came here lol.

Do you hear the people sing / Lost in the valley of the night?
It is the music of a people / Who are climbing to the light.
For the wretched of the earth / There is a flame that never dies.
Even the darkest night will end / And the sun will rise...
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post #45 of 47 (permalink) Old 11-30-2016, 06:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you worry a lot?

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Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
This is not scientifically founded, but I do feel that it does seem rather inherent that women, as a general rule, do have the propensity to over-worry, moreso than their male counterparts!

I don't quite know if it is something that is just gender specific or even of a hereditary nature, but both of my X's, and most of my female relatives, as well as my friends, always seemed to thrive on worrying about things that bothered them; while the males in their lives were always, almost to a fault, just rather laid back and calm about those negative things that were going on within their own personal domain!
lol ''thrive'' on worrying

I'd say that despite my worry, people think I'm pretty easy going lol But, it's because I internalize my worries...which I'm working on changing. And today was a good first step.

I like your posts, TY for commenting

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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