I don't like the type of wife I'm turning into, :(
Something is wrong with me. For the last 2 weeks or so I've been having a hard time:
1. Getting out of bed,
2. Accomplishing anything done around the house
3. Being intimate with my husband (although I am pleasuring myself solo more than usual... Sorry if that's TMI!)
I only work PT so I admit I have more free time than most women, but this was the lifestyle my husband and I agreed to. He's always supported it. It's a good fit for me because I LOVE all things domestic. Or, at least, I used to... I used love to cook, clean, organize, etc. I used take pride in making healthy meals, keeping a clean home and making future plans. I also used try very hard to take care of myself (nails done, hair done, etc.).
I told myself I'd never turn into one of those wives who comes home, puts her hair in a bun and plops on the couch only to offer "heat and eat" style meals with no sex for dessert due to being "too tired" or whatever.
Now, before I anger anyone on here by the above paragraph let me say that I respect how other people want to live their lives and if you fit the description above I don't mean any disrespect. It's just not how I wanted to turn out. Some women think being a stay-at-home wife (part-time or full-time) like myself is a wasted life and I'm not offended. We choose to live our lives the way we want to, you know? My issue is that what used to make me happy no longer does and I don't know what to do...
I know the reason for my unhappiness is because I feel so unappreciated. Like what I do isn't worth anything. What's the point in trying so hard if it's not mandatory? My husband thanks me for his meals, made bed, etc., and I know he used to brag to his friends about how he had a happy wife waiting for him at home, but if I were to stop doing all of these things I don't think he'd even ****ing notice. I feel like the way I want to live my life - the things that are important to me as mentioned above - don't mean **** to him. I'm starting to find it so much easier to slip into that wife I never wanted to be. To come home, laze around because I had a hard day at work and order take-out. I WISH he'd tell me that not cooking or cleaning or taking care of myself isn't acceptable. I work PT and in all honesty, the majority of the domestic duties SHOULD fall on me, but it's like he doesn't have that expectation of me.
His sister is the type of woman I said I never wanted to be, although I'm slowly turning into her. I admit her existence is a huge source of stress for me. (She's actually single with 2 children.) Anyway, I HATE how he's constantly supporting her decisions. We see her at least every other week and I don't want to be around her. She stays in her pajamas all day and watches reality TV while her children do... I'm not sure what. She orders pizza 3x/week and smokes around her baby. I've told him I don't like visiting her because her lifestyle is something I don't support and I just find it uncomfortable overall being there. (Her house is a sty and there's never anywhere to sit... I have to move garbage or clothes from the couch.) I think I'm JEALOUS of all the support she gets from people whereas I get **** all. I get ignored. Or told I'm high maintenance. I never though being high maintenance was a bad thing. Why am I so unacceptable, but a smoking mother living off take-out is A OK? (She doesn't work, either.) I'm over here working my tits off to be a Stepford Wife and my husband doesn't care. I admit my feelings are... insane... But I think I'm subconsciously mimicking her behaviour because I just want someone to notice me! To tell me that I was doing the right thing. That I'm making the right decisions. This whole pajama lifestyle is SO much easier than what I was trying to accomplish...
I don't think I even make sense. Sorry for the strange post. Maybe I'm just like a child, acting out in order to get attention. But I feel like I need attention and support and I'm not getting it and I just want to give up and sleep all day.