I don't like the type of wife I'm turning into, :( - Talk About Marriage
Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

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post #1 of 54 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 03:50 PM Thread Starter
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I don't like the type of wife I'm turning into, :(

Hi everyone,
Something is wrong with me. For the last 2 weeks or so I've been having a hard time:

1. Getting out of bed,
2. Accomplishing anything done around the house
3. Being intimate with my husband (although I am pleasuring myself solo more than usual... Sorry if that's TMI!)
4. Grooming

I only work PT so I admit I have more free time than most women, but this was the lifestyle my husband and I agreed to. He's always supported it. It's a good fit for me because I LOVE all things domestic. Or, at least, I used to... I used love to cook, clean, organize, etc. I used take pride in making healthy meals, keeping a clean home and making future plans. I also used try very hard to take care of myself (nails done, hair done, etc.).

I told myself I'd never turn into one of those wives who comes home, puts her hair in a bun and plops on the couch only to offer "heat and eat" style meals with no sex for dessert due to being "too tired" or whatever.

Now, before I anger anyone on here by the above paragraph let me say that I respect how other people want to live their lives and if you fit the description above I don't mean any disrespect. It's just not how I wanted to turn out. Some women think being a stay-at-home wife (part-time or full-time) like myself is a wasted life and I'm not offended. We choose to live our lives the way we want to, you know? My issue is that what used to make me happy no longer does and I don't know what to do...

I know the reason for my unhappiness is because I feel so unappreciated. Like what I do isn't worth anything. What's the point in trying so hard if it's not mandatory? My husband thanks me for his meals, made bed, etc., and I know he used to brag to his friends about how he had a happy wife waiting for him at home, but if I were to stop doing all of these things I don't think he'd even ****ing notice. I feel like the way I want to live my life - the things that are important to me as mentioned above - don't mean **** to him. I'm starting to find it so much easier to slip into that wife I never wanted to be. To come home, laze around because I had a hard day at work and order take-out. I WISH he'd tell me that not cooking or cleaning or taking care of myself isn't acceptable. I work PT and in all honesty, the majority of the domestic duties SHOULD fall on me, but it's like he doesn't have that expectation of me.

His sister is the type of woman I said I never wanted to be, although I'm slowly turning into her. I admit her existence is a huge source of stress for me. (She's actually single with 2 children.) Anyway, I HATE how he's constantly supporting her decisions. We see her at least every other week and I don't want to be around her. She stays in her pajamas all day and watches reality TV while her children do... I'm not sure what. She orders pizza 3x/week and smokes around her baby. I've told him I don't like visiting her because her lifestyle is something I don't support and I just find it uncomfortable overall being there. (Her house is a sty and there's never anywhere to sit... I have to move garbage or clothes from the couch.) I think I'm JEALOUS of all the support she gets from people whereas I get **** all. I get ignored. Or told I'm high maintenance. I never though being high maintenance was a bad thing. Why am I so unacceptable, but a smoking mother living off take-out is A OK? (She doesn't work, either.) I'm over here working my tits off to be a Stepford Wife and my husband doesn't care. I admit my feelings are... insane... But I think I'm subconsciously mimicking her behaviour because I just want someone to notice me! To tell me that I was doing the right thing. That I'm making the right decisions. This whole pajama lifestyle is SO much easier than what I was trying to accomplish...

I don't think I even make sense. Sorry for the strange post. Maybe I'm just like a child, acting out in order to get attention. But I feel like I need attention and support and I'm not getting it and I just want to give up and sleep all day.

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post #2 of 54 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 03:53 PM
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Re: I don't like the type of wife I'm turning into, :(

Any medical changes, drug change, birth control changes etc? Do you suffer form depression?

I'd say first rule out possible medical issues.
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post #3 of 54 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 04:05 PM
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Re: I don't like the type of wife I'm turning into, :(

I think that if you got a job and helped out financially, both you and your husband would be happier. One income never takes care of everything anymore and you usually find yourself getting aggravated because you can't have everything that most people have. You and your husband may have agreed to you just being domestic but maybe your finding that wasn't the best decision.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #4 of 54 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 04:05 PM
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Re: I don't like the type of wife I'm turning into, :(

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Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
Any medical changes, drug change, birth control changes etc? Do you suffer form depression?



I'd say first rule out possible medical issues.


I agree. Rule out the physical. Then rule our depression. If not those, it's then a relationship problem. Which means

Live like this forever
Get counseling and fix it
Divorce
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post #5 of 54 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 04:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I don't like the type of wife I'm turning into, :(

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Any medical changes, drug change, birth control changes etc? Do you suffer form depression?

I'd say first rule out possible medical issues.
I do take birth control and a few weeks ago my packet got wet (dropped it in the toilet) so I lost a few days of pills. I'm not sure if that's enough to throw off all of my hormones? It's also why I haven't been intimate: I needed to wait for the cycle to regulate so I'd be fully protected. This is another thing I have an issue with: I take protecting myself from unwanted pregnancy VERY seriously and my husband just makes me feel paranoid or stupid for damaging the pill pack. But when I make a comment about how if his sister was more careful she wouldn't have 2 kids from 2 different dads suddenly I'm a heartless *****. It's another area I don't feel supported in.
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post #6 of 54 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 04:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I don't like the type of wife I'm turning into, :(

I don't think I suffer from depression. We did just get hit with our first snowfall and the days are short now, but I think it affects me the same way it affects most people? I don't think I can blame the weather...

PS I just read the rules... I'll cut back on my swearing, .
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post #7 of 54 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 04:17 PM
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Re: I don't like the type of wife I'm turning into, :(

Why not get an UID and stop taking a pill each day? This is 2016.

Are you attracted to your husband? Has he let himself go?
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post #8 of 54 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 04:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I don't like the type of wife I'm turning into, :(

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Originally Posted by jb02157 View Post
I think that if you got a job and helped out financially, both you and your husband would be happier. One income never takes care of everything anymore and you usually find yourself getting aggravated because you can't have everything that most people have. You and your husband may have agreed to you just being domestic but maybe your finding that wasn't the best decision.
I do have a job. I just don't work 50 hours/week. I work 30-35. I contribute financially. We actually have more than most because we both made a decent wage. (Well,I make decent and he makes a lot.) We're not in want of anything, but we can't go out and buy a new house, either. I'd say we're pretty comfortable.
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post #9 of 54 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 04:18 PM
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Re: I don't like the type of wife I'm turning into, :(

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Last edited by MSalmoides; 12-13-2016 at 09:25 AM.
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post #10 of 54 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 04:19 PM
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Re: I don't like the type of wife I'm turning into, :(

My initial thought was to ask you if it was possible that you were pregnant. When I first got pregnant with my youngest I had the same down type feelings all the time and had no idea why.

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post #11 of 54 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 04:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I don't like the type of wife I'm turning into, :(

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Originally Posted by GuyInColorado View Post
Why not get an UID and stop taking a pill each day? This is 2016.

Are you attracted to your husband? Has he let himself go?
I can't get an IUD because I've never had children yet.
And oh no! My husband is gorgeous. He's so fit. I really don't have any complaints about him physically. If only it were that simple...
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post #12 of 54 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 04:22 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I don't like the type of wife I'm turning into, :(

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Originally Posted by MSalmoides View Post
My wife has been a SAHW/M for over 20 years. I admit there were times I did not show my appreciation for everything she'd done for us. But it went both ways, there were times she didn't appreciate what I did that gave her the option to stay at home. An unplanned pregnancy was something we definitely didn't want so I understand everything about that, your husband should too.

My wife had been on the pill for a long time. When she came off of it, she cycled from being in the bed all day one day to becoming Mrs. Hyde the next. It took a while to get things evened out, I remember she was put on some kind of hormone therapy. Then she just became lethargic. Later we found that she had an underactive thyroid and a Vitamin B deficiency. Once she started getting treatment, I got my old wife back.

~MS
Maybe I really can blame the birth control and change in weather on my behaviour? I've only been like this for 2 weeks, but it's a 2 weeks so very unlike me. I'm usually up at 7 AM (I start work at 10 AM) preparing some meal, cleaning or exercising, but all I do now is sleep.
I did get checked otu for a Vitamin B deficiency a few months ago,b ut have been taking the appropriate medication to balance it out. I have an appointment with my doctor in the new year to re test.
I've also lost a bit of weight.
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post #13 of 54 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 04:31 PM
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Re: I don't like the type of wife I'm turning into, :(

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Last edited by MSalmoides; 12-13-2016 at 09:24 AM.
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post #14 of 54 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 04:35 PM
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Re: I don't like the type of wife I'm turning into, :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by UnicornCupcake View Post
I don't think I suffer from depression. We did just get hit with our first snowfall and the days are short now, but I think it affects me the same way it affects most people? I don't think I can blame the weather...

PS I just read the rules... I'll cut back on my swearing, .
Depression doesn't always mean sad it could mean apathy.
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post #15 of 54 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 04:43 PM
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Re: I don't like the type of wife I'm turning into, :(

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Last edited by MSalmoides; 12-13-2016 at 09:13 AM.
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