anxiety tearing us apart a little more each day - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

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post #16 of 23 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 10:52 AM Thread Starter
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Re: anxiety tearing us apart a little more each day

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OP,

I still suggest you revisit the meds idea. Anti anxiety meds work with serotonin while antidepressants work with dopamine. As a generic rule antidepressants should give you more energy not less, but your wife may be the exception.

The trick is to find the right med in the right dosage that works for her.

I am not suggesting doping her up. The meds can be short term or a booster to other things. Exercise helps but if she is too depressed to exercise the meds might give enough push to jump start her.

If you can post or private message me what meds she tried i can help further. I spent years in pharmaceutical business and although i am not a medical professional i know a lot on the subject.

I take meds but also exercise and diet and try other relaxation techniques.

My wife is like yours so I understand what you are going through.
She tells me that when she resumes some counseling (therapy?) in a few weeks that if they prescribe something she is willing to try it again. Not sure if I mentioned before that she has an appointment with a new psychologist coming up that she is hopeful she can stick with.

Unfortunately I do not know what meds she tried in the past and don't know how I could find that out without divulging to her I am online chatting with strangers about her! Not sure she would entirely dig that? But actually, she would probably find it ok since it is anonymous and I am only doing it because I am desperate to find a way out of our current cycles of behavior.

I appreciate your insights and will make note of the difference of antidepressants vs anxiety. Not sure she was aware of how one makes you tired and the other does not.

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post #17 of 23 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 12:56 PM
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Re: anxiety tearing us apart a little more each day

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Originally Posted by KCBlues View Post
She tells me that when she resumes some counseling (therapy?) in a few weeks that if they prescribe something she is willing to try it again. Not sure if I mentioned before that she has an appointment with a new psychologist coming up that she is hopeful she can stick with.

Unfortunately I do not know what meds she tried in the past and don't know how I could find that out without divulging to her I am online chatting with strangers about her! Not sure she would entirely dig that? But actually, she would probably find it ok since it is anonymous and I am only doing it because I am desperate to find a way out of our current cycles of behavior.

I appreciate your insights and will make note of the difference of antidepressants vs anxiety. Not sure she was aware of how one makes you tired and the other does not.
From the above I assume that a psychiatrist prescribed the meds? My wife and I got ours from our family doctor who, IMO, is better able to address the tiredness.

I don't recommend deceiving your wife, but our discussion is simply you researching various meds that may be appropriate for her. We are not talking about her as much as the pros and cons of the various meds and the process for finding the best medical care. I learned in the past 5 years that we are the best ones to ensure our health. You need to be active in your own care and if you have the ability, active in the care your wife receives. No one will care about her health as much as you.

I take zoloft and wanted to switch because of some sexual side effects. I asked the doctor about Wellbutrin (wife takes that one). He said one works on serotonin and the other on dopamine. He was not optimistic it was what I needed but agreed to let me try it. As I mentioned, I am very experienced with meds (career wise) and personally (wife takes 15 different pills a day). Well, I definitely had side effects. I looked them up (after taking not before, my mistake) and I clearly had the side effects listed. I was part of the 22% that was affected. So I dropped the Wellbutrin. You have to try different meds, not just try 1 or 2, have mixed results and stop. There are MANY meds to address these two issues (anxiety and depression) and the generics have been prescribed for decades for millions of people. Each drug will have different effects and different side affects. If your wife gets tired, your family doctor may be able to address that - Vitamin D-3, or Vitamin B supplements, for example, or varying the time of day she takes the pills (morning vs evening)

My wife sees about six different specialists due to a major physical health issue and all prescribe pills. Often the pills from one with interfere with pills from the other or have side effects. I prefer to have a single doctor that prescribes all the meds or at least is away of them all. That should be her primary care physician.

Good luck.
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post #18 of 23 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 01:01 PM
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Re: anxiety tearing us apart a little more each day

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She does suffer from dryness and discomfort during sex but tried to give it a go anyway, which of course was not good for either of us so we stopped trying to do that when she was particularly sensitive.
Same here. Has she discussed this with her GYN? Ours suggested Astroglide water based lube (not KY jelly). You do have some lubricant I hope.
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post #19 of 23 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 01:33 PM
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Re: anxiety tearing us apart a little more each day

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Thanks again aine. I believe she is 'officially' post-menopausal now. She does suffer from dryness and discomfort during sex but tried to give it a go anyway, which of course was not good for either of us so we stopped trying to do that when she was particularly sensitive.
Coconut oil!

You'll find naysayers of course... but without it, we'd be without it and EB2 swears by it too.

Can I Use Coconut Oil As Lube? The Plain Truth! - Can I Use Coconut Oil As Lube?

Amazing stuff really... I buy from the local organic natural food store.

Last edited by Emerging Buddhist; 02-16-2017 at 02:45 PM.
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post #20 of 23 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 02:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: anxiety tearing us apart a little more each day

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From the above I assume that a psychiatrist prescribed the meds? My wife and I got ours from our family doctor who, IMO, is better able to address the tiredness.

I don't recommend deceiving your wife, but our discussion is simply you researching various meds that may be appropriate for her. We are not talking about her as much as the pros and cons of the various meds and the process for finding the best medical care. I learned in the past 5 years that we are the best ones to ensure our health. You need to be active in your own care and if you have the ability, active in the care your wife receives. No one will care about her health as much as you.

I take zoloft and wanted to switch because of some sexual side effects. I asked the doctor about Wellbutrin (wife takes that one). He said one works on serotonin and the other on dopamine. He was not optimistic it was what I needed but agreed to let me try it. As I mentioned, I am very experienced with meds (career wise) and personally (wife takes 15 different pills a day). Well, I definitely had side effects. I looked them up (after taking not before, my mistake) and I clearly had the side effects listed. I was part of the 22% that was affected. So I dropped the Wellbutrin. You have to try different meds, not just try 1 or 2, have mixed results and stop. There are MANY meds to address these two issues (anxiety and depression) and the generics have been prescribed for decades for millions of people. Each drug will have different effects and different side affects. If your wife gets tired, your family doctor may be able to address that - Vitamin D-3, or Vitamin B supplements, for example, or varying the time of day she takes the pills (morning vs evening)

My wife sees about six different specialists due to a major physical health issue and all prescribe pills. Often the pills from one with interfere with pills from the other or have side effects. I prefer to have a single doctor that prescribes all the meds or at least is away of them all. That should be her primary care physician.

Good luck.
This is helpful - thank you!

I just remembered that the first drug she took actually prevented her from having orgasms. She didn't like that much and neither did I! She had no idea that was a potential side effect until after a couple of times experiencing the problem, she looked it up. And there it was - she got off the drug and the big O came back home.

I think you are right that it was a psychiatrist at that time that prescribed. Now she will be seeing a psychologist and told me if they think she needs something her regular doctor can do the prescription. Not sure how that works but she seemed confident.
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post #21 of 23 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 02:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: anxiety tearing us apart a little more each day

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Same here. Has she discussed this with her GYN? Ours suggested Astroglide water based lube (not KY jelly). You do have some lubricant I hope.
We do have something and while it seems like it is working at first it doesn't last long and then she gets very uncomfortable again. So I guess that means it's not working. I will look at the astroglide and based on EB's most recent post coconut oil! But of course all this assumes she even goes for me at all which is half the problem.
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post #22 of 23 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 02:39 PM
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anxiety tearing us apart a little more each day

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Originally Posted by KCBlues View Post
We do have something and while it seems like it is working at first it doesn't last long and then she gets very uncomfortable again. So I guess that means it's not working. I will look at the astroglide and based on EB's most recent post coconut oil! But of course all this assumes she even goes for me at all which is half the problem.


There is no quick fix. First address the anxiety and depression. Personally i would not wait for the psychologist. They cannot prescribe and if they generally are against meds they never will tell her yes.

She should have a complete physical annually to address physical issues. The family doctor should be told at time of making the appointment the purpose of the visit - anxiety and depression. She might be embarrassed to bring it up. Mine was.

My wife barely says anything to her doctor. I accompany her to make sure she effectively communicates the issues.

Treat this like it is. A chemical imbalance in the brain. Always start with lowest dose.

Last edited by blueinbr; 02-16-2017 at 02:45 PM.
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post #23 of 23 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 06:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: anxiety tearing us apart a little more each day

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Originally Posted by blueinbr View Post
There is no quick fix. First address the anxiety and depression. Personally i would not wait for the psychologist. They cannot prescribe and if they generally are against meds they never will tell her yes.

She should have a complete physical annually to address physical issues. The family doctor should be told at time of making the appointment the purpose of the visit - anxiety and depression. She might be embarrassed to bring it up. Mine was.

My wife barely says anything to her doctor. I accompany her to make sure she effectively communicates the issues.

Treat this like it is. A chemical imbalance in the brain. Always start with lowest dose.
I've probably not done a good job explaining this, but she has always gotten annual physicals and has been very open with her general doc and her OB about all of her anxiety and depression issues. She has been on a handful of prescriptions as a result of those visits. So really, she's been pretty far down that path. She has gone to two different psychs and has read a couple books, experimented with meditation, coloring, and taking a bit of time out each day to relax. But nothing she took as far as meds helped and were too side-effecty for her. And she didn't stick with the meditating or the workbook or the therapy. This is why she and I have both felt exasperated. It's not like she is just now starting to deal with it or figure out the source of many of her issues - it's gone on for a long time and lots of short-lived efforts to 'fix' have not been successful. Probably in many cases due to the short-lived nature of those efforts.
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