I'm not happy with who I am anymore... - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

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post #91 of 103 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 01:04 AM
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Re: I'm not happy with who I am anymore...

You still need to know figures. I have my set down to dimes. Here's what's yours, and what's mine. No child support or alimony. Include attorney costs for friendly and not friendly split. Include a property division proposal. In my case that's huge due to the substantial art collection we own.

Here's where it gets tricky. It doesn't really matter what the numbers say. In my case I'm happy as a clam to not deal with a McMansion. Not so from her. In your case, she may not be off badly financially but she'll have to get a real job, which is a deal breaker for her.

In other words, while the numbers are favorable to her, she now has to work like the rest of us. That's not desirable for her. She may not even understand it.

I've tried to explain how this works. To no avail. You need to explain the outcome, it's a lot more complicated. It's not simply here's half my 401k, bye.

Months ago we discussed this and I theorized that inability to see thru such scenarios was a bit of a hint towards some mental health issue present. Now that you're in the red zone and she still lives in la la land it almost seems my original assessment wasn't off by much...

Mrs. Z2 sees what she wants to see. And shuts off everything else. Not a recipe for coping.

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post #92 of 103 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 02:54 AM
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Re: I'm not happy with who I am anymore...

Z this thread is a breath of fresh air. You actually moved through it, do you know how many people on here just stay in dead marriages? You seemed to be one of the ones who is gonna escape.

Just want to give you some hope. There is more then likely someone else out there who will actually care about you like a wife should. Have you given yourself the chance to think that yet? In time you will probably meet here. Maybe you should start to have some hope for that. I think this is the turning point where things will start to change for the better for you.
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post #93 of 103 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:55 AM
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Re: I'm not happy with who I am anymore...

I don't understand the "we" in "We will get through this".

You are divorcing, right?

We stops long before filing.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #94 of 103 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:20 AM
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Re: I'm not happy with who I am anymore...

We has left the building a long time ago...

I suggest some financial counseling for her also, since her trip to la la land appears to be longer than expected.
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post #95 of 103 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 10:37 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm not happy with who I am anymore...

I'll be honest, I have so many thoughts running through my head right now. In my head I wanted this to be a civil divorce, I need to realize it won't be. Is the best way just to keep a notebook and write all these thoughts down?
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post #96 of 103 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 10:40 AM
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Re: I'm not happy with who I am anymore...

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I'll be honest, I have so many thoughts running through my head right now. In my head I wanted this to be a civil divorce, I need to realize it won't be. Is the best way just to keep a notebook and write all these thoughts down?
It sounds like a good idea. The counseling sounds like a great idea, too.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #97 of 103 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 12:27 PM
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Re: I'm not happy with who I am anymore...

Nobody benefits from a non civil divorce except the lawyers.

Perhaps you can explain the costs and benefits of a mediated or collaborative divorce, and offer it as an option.

That's my approach.
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post #98 of 103 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 03:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm not happy with who I am anymore...

Does anyone happen to know of any good resources online for how to deal with bi-polar in a relationship? I've been searching things and reading articles but haven't found anything that really makes sense. Kind of just questioning a lot of things lately. She also let me know that she had 20 partners before we got married. I'm not letting her see that it bothers me but kind of confused inside....
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post #99 of 103 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 04:02 PM
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Re: I'm not happy with who I am anymore...

A simple question, Z:

Are you done?

You don't sound like it.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #100 of 103 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 04:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm not happy with who I am anymore...

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A simple question, Z:

Are you done?

You don't sound like it.
For a couple days, I was. I'm still not 100% saying I'm all back into it either. I'm in a weird state right now I guess.....

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post #101 of 103 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 12:17 PM
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Re: I'm not happy with who I am anymore...

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For a couple days, I was. I'm still not 100% saying I'm all back into it either. I'm in a weird state right now I guess.....
What happened? I'm thinking she may have said or done something to manipulate you. Did you have sex with her?

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
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Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
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post #102 of 103 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 08:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm not happy with who I am anymore...

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What happened? I'm thinking she may have said or done something to manipulate you. Did you have sex with her?
Just a lot to think about. Yes, we did have sex. Things were weird before that though.....I've started to question if I have more than bi-polar as well.
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post #103 of 103 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 10:50 AM
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Re: I'm not happy with who I am anymore...

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Just a lot to think about. Yes, we did have sex. Things were weird before that though.....I've started to question if I have more than bi-polar as well.
Well, the sex does complicate things.

Be open to what is going on with your thinking patterns and how it impacts your feelings and behaviors. Get your diet in order so you are eating a ton of vegetables and drinking plenty of water. What you eat impacts how you think and feel, which of course impact everything in your life.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
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Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
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