Feeling down today - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:42 PM Thread Starter
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Feeling down today

Feeling pretty depressed today. There doesn't seem to be anything particular that has triggered it, but nonetheless here I am. Questioning where I am in life. Is this where I want to be? Is this where I wanted to be 10 years ago? 20 years ago? The answer is, I had no idea where I wanted to be back then. But I probably wouldn't have picked here. On the surface I've got a pretty good life. Wife, 4 kids, house, job to support all of us. So, why am I depressed about it right now. I spent some time researching mid life crisis today. I think I fit more than a couple of the triggers. What happened to happiness? Not worrying about everything all the time? Suffocating on life right now.

I want to be able to talk about this with my wife, but I'm either afraid of her response, or that she wouldn't be supportive. Writing it here seems stupid, but I've tried to broach this before, and her response always causes me to shut down. I just don't think that quickly on my feet to respond to everything she comes back with.

Should I go back to the therapist? Probably, but when and how do we pay for it. We are all screwed up so much. We should all be in counseling and we should be in marriage counseling together. That just seems so overwhelming. I don't even know where to start.

I'm trying to start working on myself. Working out more, trying to get out socially. Haven't done that last part yet, but that is a lack of free time, not lack of desire. I want to play hockey again. Money and guilt are stopping me.

Feeling lost. Feeling down today. My mind is in a hundred different places.

Not looking for anything in particular, maybe just an encouraging word.

Thanks.

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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 12:43 AM
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Re: Feeling down today

Sorry this is late, but I hope you found some face-to-face encouragement that you didn't find here last week. FWIW, the fact that you pose those questions are all GOOD SIGNS! :-) You still have an emotional pulse, if you will. You're still conscientious about forward momentum in life...and finding what brings you fulfillment. Trite as all that may sound, there are many, many people who have buckled under the pressure and given up.

I can relate on so many levels. I will be 45 in a couple of months, and honestly, I think I've been on that bumpy road to mid-life crisis for several years now, LOL! (Trust me, it's not just a man thing.) And sadly, much of it, I can't talk to my DH about because he is so aloof, apathetic, emotionally disengaged. Some of that is probably my own fault. Much like you described your DW, I've been guilty of responding in ways that cause my DH to shut down and stop sharing. :-( But yeh, I totally understand that feeling of being overwhelmed.

Oh, but I'm rambling. I guess I'll just say, take it one day at a time. Definitely go see a therapist again. See if you can find those who work on a sliding scale or whatever. Make time for YOU. Get some fresh air every day. Go walking. Go hit some tennis balls. Take regular bike rides. [Oh! I just went back to re-read...I see you're working out. That's awesome. It's amazing how the benefits of exercise transcend the physical.] Go sit near a lake, river, stream or ocean and just be alone with your thoughts. The ambivalence we have about life, careers, relationships is quite normal, I believe. So continue to lean into your thoughts and questions. Hopefully you have trusted family or friends who will listen and respect this place you find yourself. If so, take time to talk to them. Squash the guilt, and go play hockey again. If finances truly are a hindrance, then maybe find avenues to play for free, if such exists.

Lastly, I'll tell you what has helped me in the past when I found myself drowning/suffocating under the pressures of life and the countless diverging paths that all seem to both beckon and betray me at once: I step outside of myself and go serve others. Aww, Man...talk about bringing things into perspective! While it might not solve the inner crises I struggle with at the time, it just helps to remind me that things could always be worse. That there are others who struggle with lack and needs on a level that I never had to worry about: clothing, shelter, a safe environment, nutritious food...and sometimes just a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. I've gotten away from volunteering like I used to, but my attempt to encourage you is, in fact, encouraging me. [Note: One of my favorites was working in shelters for battered women...watching and entertaining their children while they attending classes for life skills, coping, independent living, etc.]

I hope something in my rambling helps a little. I just believe that's there's a solution to every problem. And as long as you have breath in your body, every new day is a new opportunity to seek the solutions, solace and security that you and your family deserve. Be kind to yourself, and keep on keepin' on! :-)

Namaste...

Last edited by lalahlove; 03-15-2017 at 12:49 AM.
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