Husband has depression....when is enough enough?? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

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post #16 of 18 (permalink) Old 02-16-2012, 09:04 AM
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Re: Husband has depression....when is enough enough??

As someone who has suffered from depression (I'm better now) my sincere advice is to take care of yourself. Obviously this guy has no interest in getting better and barring that nothing will ever change.

So you have a tough choice to make. Keep living like this for the rest of your life or dish up some tough love making plans to live your life with or without him.

Depression is a selfish illness and I also think it makes people toxic to be around. Had I not actively sought help my husband should have left me. I was that bad.
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post #17 of 18 (permalink) Old 02-19-2012, 12:43 AM
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Re: Husband has depression....when is enough enough??

Your post sounds like you know MY life situation. Add to that major booze abuse and you and I could be sisters. My husband lays in bed all day and if I want to speak to him, I have to wait until commercials. I am very vocal about my feelings so he is fully aware of how I feel, yet the uses the depression as an excuse and shuts me down. Every night he goes into the kitchen to play on his computer with a 5th of rum. He knows I hate his drinking but does not care. Tonight I asked him to spend some time with me watching TV (he thinks QUALITY TIME is being in the same room together, I told him that is QUANTITY TIME but he ignores me).

After I asked him to spend time with me (a wife shouldn't have to beg for her husband's attention), he got angry. After that, I clammed up, didn't say a word. He asked what was wrong with me and I said I AM LONELY, and he just turned around and continue to drink and play.

We haven't had sex in over a year, we are only in our 40's and used to have a great sex life. Yet, if he sees me chatting online with male friends, he gets jealous and forbids me from talking to certain men. Says they all want to get in my pants. First of all, I am a big girl and can say NO to someone who wants to screw me and TWO, he hasn't wanted in my pants for a year. So am I supposed to sit in a house with another human being and feel so lonely? We are just room mates. Zero intimacy. Yes, I have told him everything I feel, he just rolls his eyes in his head and refuses to listen. If I were to cheat on him, he would be shocked. Which is stupid because I have been begging for affection for years. I am so glad I found this site where I can vent. I cannot talk to my family because they will want to fix everything.

Yes, I went to therapy for 5 years, he refuses to even get a check up. I am not asking for help, I just need someone who understands.
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post #18 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-15-2012, 09:17 AM
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Re: Husband has depression....when is enough enough??

I am in the process of divorcing my husband of 8 years mainly due to his refusal to treat his depression. I love him dearly and have been trying for years to get him help and to "fix" him, but I've realized that you can only help a person so much. They have to want to help themselves. I was always scared to leave because I am his only friend. But we have to look after ourselves too. We've had a lot of ups and downs like most marriages, but I can no longer carry the heavy burden of the relationship. He wants to save our marriage and thinks it can be fixed but my heart isn't in it. I feel like a horrible person for leaving but I can't continue. He has been prescribed antidepressants but refused to take them because of the side effects. After hours of discussion on our relationship and now that I am leaving, he has suddenly acknowledged that maybe the doctors were right and maybe he actually is suffering from depression and is going to try and get help. That's all I could ask for. Sometimes it takes a major event for people to realize that they need help.
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